“You must really want that foundation award.”
I frowned. “You think I’m sleeping with Jacob to get an award?”
“Oh, so you admit it? You are sleeping with him.”
“I didn’t say that. But I can assure you my personal life and my professional life are completely separate. I would never sleep with someone to get ahead.”
“That’s not what people will think when they find out. You know it’s always the women who end up with the short end of the stick in these situations.”
“In what situations?” I couldn’t outright deny that I was sleeping with Jacob without lying to Gilly. And given she knew where Jacob lived and knew our shifts, it wouldn’t be too hard to catch me in my lie.
“You know, sleeping with the boss. Don’t worry. I won’t say anything. But like it or not, it’s bound to come out.” She linked her arm through mine. “Stick with me. I’ll be there in your corner when the shit hits the fan.”
“Gilly, I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick, I just—”
“No need to say a word. Your secret’s safe with me. In a way, it works better for me. There’s no way he can single you out as the most promising foundation doctor on his rotation now, is there?”
My chest grew tight and I wanted to pull my arm from hers so I could breathe. What was she saying? That I’d disqualified myself from the foundation award because of Jacob? Or that if Jacob didn’t disqualify me, she’d make sure our secret wouldn’t be so secret anymore?
There was a definite subtext to what she was saying. However it translated, it didn’t look good for me.
Five minutes ago, I was excited about going to work. Now I was anything but. Now, I wanted to run back to Jacob so he could tell me everything was going to be okay. But it wasn’t going to be. Jacob wasn’t God. He couldn’t perform miracles.
How this situation went was up to me.
I hadn’t worked this hard for this long for Gilly to come along and ruin it. I had to take matters into my own hands.
“I’m not sleeping with Jacob,” I said. The words came out without touching the sides of my mouth. I’d been here before—in a situation where I had to sink or swim. I was working on autopilot.
Gilly laughed. “I told you, I won’t tell anyone.”
“If you did, you’d be a liar. I can’t imagine Jacob would take very kindly to an FY1 spreading gossip around the hospital about him.” It might not have been true before. But it was now. There was no way things could continue between us.
“Rumors can come from all sorts of places,” she said.
“You’re the only one who thinks Jacob and I are sleeping together. We’re not.”
She laughed. “Why else would you be coming out of his house so early?”
“For your information, I dropped off a book he needed and couldn’t get hold of. He’s doing some research and I had a relevant coursebook from my second year at med school. That’s all.” The lies were coming thick and fast, but I wasn’t sorry. This is what had to happen.
“Come on, Sutton, I wasn’t born yesterday. Why wouldn’t you give him a book at the hospital?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s writing a paper. The deadline is today and he’s off. He lives on my way to the hospital. I told him I’d drop it in.”
She stayed silent and I mentally crossed my fingers and toes, hoping she was buying my story.
“What book was it?” she asked.
I sighed. She thought she had something over me, but she hadn’t met me. No, I didn’t want to lie, but I wasn’t letting Gilly Peters of all people back me into a corner. I wasn’t about to let her bring me down. Gilly had led a privileged life up until now. She’d attended a private school, got into one of the best universities, left without any student debt. Life had been good to her. She’d be punching above her weight if she tried to low-key blackmail me. There weren’t people like me in her world, people who had to fight to get where they were, rather than just float down to a gentle landing. From sixteen, I’d had no one to count on but myself. I’d had to make hard decisions about whether to choose between heating and food.
She’d underestimated me.
Something in me had shifted gears. I’d reversed back in time to when I’d eaten nothing but cornflakes for three straight months, to pretending I didn’t feel the cold to the girls in the salon to explain why I wasn’t wearing a coat in the middle of winter. I’d done what I’d had to do. “He asked me not to mention it to anyone. This paper he’s writing is pretty high profile and he’s trying to keep it private.”
She scrunched up her nose. “So why would he tell you about it if you weren’t having some kind of relationship outside of work?”
“Jesus, Gilly, stop being so suspicious of everyone. He’d seen on my CV that I’d taken the course at uni. He wanted to ask me a couple of questions about my tutor. It’s no big deal. But if you go around telling people we’re having an affair, the only one becoming ineligible for the foundation award will be you.”