Page 38 of Dr. Off Limits

Veronica and Gilly chattered away, eventually giving up on including me in their comparison of the last few weeks when I didn’t really offer much. They talked about what they did and didn’t like and what they were hoping to get as their next rotation. Neither of them wanted pediatrics long-term. Truth be told, I wasn’t sure whether or not I could see myself in pediatrics. I loved it, but it was rough seeing sick kids all day every day. But maybe it was always rough, no matter the age of the patient.

It was nice to sit down for a bit, catch up on emails and pay some bills. I’d taken an extra shift this week so I’d fallen behind with my life admin.

I glanced down the aisle of the coach and saw the top of Jacob’s blond head at the front. His long, denim-covered leg stretched out into the space between the seats.

Was he as aware of me as I was of him?

It was like I had Jacob Cove radar on high alert all the time. I recognized his footsteps on the linoleum of the hospital floor. I knew his handwriting and his preferred way of shortening “attention” to “atten,” and the way when he signed his name, the sweeping ‘J’ reminded me of the curve of his lips.

Our shifts didn’t always coincide but when they did, it wasn’t fear that spread through me anymore. It was relief. I loved working alongside him. He was a terrific teacher. I’d heard from some of the doctors on different rotations that plenty of consultants found FY1s irritating. Jacob seemed to really want the foundation doctors to learn, and he seemed to enjoy teaching them. I was a better student around him because I wanted to impress him. I found myself more engaged and less nervous because he was so committed. The more time I spent around him, the more I wanted to be around him.

The more I wished we weren’t working in the same hospital.

I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only foundation doctor with a borderline obsession with Dr. Cove, but I might be the only one that had also seen him naked.

Maybe if we hadn’t had that one night together, I wouldn’t be so conscious of him. Perhaps I wouldn’t think he was one of the most magnetic people I’d ever been around. But we had had that night together and now, despite those first few days of panic and regret, I was grateful I had.

Jacob shifted, leaned over the arm of his seat, and looked back down the coach. We locked eyes and I don’t know what was the matter with me, but I couldn’t look away.

And he didn’t either.

It was as if time had frozen, and it was just him and me on that coach, trying to communicate how we wished things were different.

Things weren’t different.

I offered him a small, sorrowful smile and he gave a long blink and nodded slowly.

The coach turning sharply brought us back into the moment. Jacob rose to his feet.

“Get your things together. This is the hotel.”

I glanced out of the window to see a red-bricked, stately home sweep into view. I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. I’d expected to be at an Ibis or Travelodge. Maybe it would be horrible when we got inside. Either side of the coach, swathes of carefully manicured green lawn stretched out as far as the eye could see.

“Before you ask, there will be no time for golf,” Jacob bellowed from the front.

Wow, this was really nice. It was the kind of hotel more suited for a romantic break than an NHS offsite meeting. But I wasn’t going to complain.

“Are we paying for this?” Gilly asked as Jacob stood up.

“Nope,” he answered, without further explanation.

Our bags and cases were taken by hotel staff and we were guided straight into a conference room.

There were five round tables in the room, each with four or five chairs around them.

“Please take a seat at the table with the sign for your rotation,” Jacob said.

I took a seat with Gilly and pulled out a notebook, ready for a day of listening and watching Jacob.

I wasn’t sure if it would be heaven or hell.

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