Laura cleared her throat and took another sip of her brandy. “I can see why gentlemen enjoy this.”
“There’s something appealing about it at the end of the day, yes.”
“Do you not have it often?”
“I try to remain temperate in all things. You know that there was a time when I was not.”
“You’ve mentioned it.”
“A man must go through a period of overindulgence before he decides to devote himself to adulthood officially.” Edward couldn’t help smiling.
“I’ve never been one for indulgence.”
Although most men might find the statement unappealing from a woman, Edward couldn’t help being intoxicated. Laura was pristine. It was perhaps her first sip of brandy. She was untouched, just like God’s green wilderness. Everything about that filled Edward with even more ardour than he had before.
Edward got up from his seat. “Laura, I think it’s time that you retire for the night.”
She seemed surprised. Edward hoped that she wouldn’t think he was pushing her away. But he was. For her own good. “Yes, it seems about that time.” Laura got up from her seat, and Edward walked her to the door. Once on the threshold, Edward heaved a sigh, and Laura looked up at him. “I thank you for a fine morning and a fine evening.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Laura smiled and repeated the word. “Pleasure.”
She departed, and Edward felt a mix of relief and sadness. Had she stayed a moment longer, it could have ended in disaster. Edward knew his impulses. He had experience with them. And seeing Laura out was the right thing to do. Now that he was left alone in his study, he picked up Laura’s brandy glass and returned it to the tray.
He went to sit at his desk and massaged his temples. It was getting rather heady, the thoughts and ideations of his mind. Edward had to wonder at what point his true feelings for Laura might completely bubble to the surface, as they had begun to do that night.
Was it wrong to indulge in one’s desire for a member of the staff? For Edward, Laura was not merely a member of the staff. She was much more. So much more. If only she knew how profoundly he cared for her, desired her, was utterly fascinated by her. Did she have those same feelings for him? Edward had to wonder if she merely accepted his fondness and admiration because she was in a position where she had to do so. Was she merely humouring him? Following her own sense of duty?
Edward got up to look in the mirror. He was never one to assess his own appearance. He’d been told by many that he was rather handsome. Did Laura think so? The age difference was not unrealistic. Edward had to be five years her senior. He laughed. It was the first time in his life that Edward felt inclined to assess himself, wondering what one particular woman thought of him. He never cared much for anyone else’s thoughts about him whatsoever. It was a sign of how much Laura meant to him. But considering their difference in station, what could Edward even bloody do about it?
Edward walked away from the mirror and returned to his desk. After throwing back the brandy that remained in his glass, Edward resolved to get a hold of himself.