Page 40 of The Tenacious Lady Blackmore

“I was not well afterward. My body healed. There was nothing wrong the doctor could find. But my heart and mind were troubled. I couldn’t sleep, I was barely eating. Each day felt like it dragged on endlessly. Nothing my husband or doctor tried helped. Nothing I did made the pain end, or even lessen.”

Thinking back on those nightmarish days, Charlotte felt as though she were remembering a different person. Someone not at all like herself, and yet made of the same fears, the same hopes.

“Eventually, we came to London, my husband and I. He said it was because he needed to be present for Parliament. But I suspect he was hoping the change of scenery would help me. Shortly after we arrived, I had a visitor. Mrs. Lewis came to call on me. She brought with her two young girls.”

She could still see their faces, as clearly as though it were only that morning. Now, though, both girls had grown and were well-employed. One still resided in London, and Charlotte had come across her from time to time. The other had followed her employers when they removed to the country one year, found it to her liking, and remained there.

“Though my daughter died when she was only a few hours old, when I looked at those girls, I saw her.” Charlotte paused a moment. Something had been planted deep inside her that day, something that had since grown into a deeply rooted need to help the orphaned girls of London. “I see my little girl in every one of their faces. I have ever since that day.”

Charlotte let out a long breath. “I only thought you ought to understand why it is I cannot walk away from the asylum. Why I cannot simply find another cause to champion.”

After a moment, Seth leaned forward, resting his forearms atop his knees. “I never meant to take away something that means so much to you.”

Charlotte nodded quickly. “I know. It isn’t your fault at all, really. It’s people like Ladies Kingman and Keats, and Lords Windham and Finch. Our...friendship...shouldn’t be a problem at all. Only, some people like to tear others down, and they’ll find any excuse to do it.”

“It’s nonsense, all of it.”

Charlotte closed her eyes and sighed but couldn’t stop the smile. “That word used to bother me so much.”

“I think you bit my head off more than once over it.” For the first time tonight, he looked close to smiling as well.

“You say it all the time.”

“It’s an apt description for next to anything.” Seth leaned back in his chair once more. “Tell me what I can do to help you, and I’ll do it. If you wish me to attend tomorrow, I will. If you wish me to cry off, I’ll do that. If you want me to quit London entirely, I shall be packed and gone by sunrise.” His eyes dropped and his tone grew heavy. “If you want me to stick around London and convince people we’re only friends...then I will do that.”

He’d spoken the last words with the same depressed air that he’d carried when he’d pulled away from her touch earlier that night. Was this the actual problem, then? He was getting tired of Town?

“Is staying about London so dreadful as all that?”

This time, Seth actually did smile. “When have I said or done anything that gave you the impression my stay in London wasnotdreadful?”

Charlotte chuckled softly. “It’s notallbad.”

Seth’s gaze found hers. The look he gave her sent her heart racing.

“It’s not all bad,” he said, his tone laced with something she’d not heard from him before.

But, as quickly as the change in him had set on, it dissipated once more. He blinked and leaned back. “Perhaps I should modify my earlier statement. I said I would do anything you asked. But the one thing I will not do is cause harm to you.”

For all his gruffness, he was always thinking of others. Always putting their needs before his own. First with his daughters, and now he extended such thoughtfulness to her.

“I know I can trust you,” Charlotte said, struggling against the girlish grin which fought to break free.

As for himself, Seth wasn’t smiling. When he spoke, his words were heavy. “I’m serious. I’ll not stick around in London, or anywhere, if I feel my presence is damaging your reputation or respectability.”

Charlotte felt his meaning press heavily against her heart. “Not even if I asked you to stay?” Her own words came out soft, uncertain.

“Not even then.”

Well, that was rather highhanded of him. Just like that, her fear flipped over into frustration. “I think I should be able to decide for myself whose company I keep. Or if having a few pompous idiots think somewhat less of me is worth time with a dear friend.”

“You have every right to keep company with whomever you choose.” Seth spoke evenly. But he clearly wasn’t ready to give in. “What you can’t decide is how other people will respond to you. As I said,Iwill not be the reason others think ill of you. I won’t be party to such a thing. Making that decision is my right.”

Charlotte folded her arms and leaned fully back. “Very well, then. You might as well quit London now.”

“Do you wish me to?”

Charlotte almost said yes. After all, if he was so eager to go, she certainly wasn’t going to be the reason he stayed. But, though she opened her mouth, no sound came out.

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