Page 71 of The Fearless Miss Dinah

Chapter Twenty-Six

It was no small blessing that the trip from London to Curio Manor was only half a day. Dinah felt caged in for the duration of the carriage ride. Stepping out, she took in the sight of the grand country estate. Last time she’d been here, she’d grown quickly restless. She’d been in the middle of helping Mr. Harding determine which gentlemen of thetonknew more about smuggling than they ought, and coming here had been a most unwelcome interruption.

Now, though, it was a bit of a relief. Here, she wasn’t Lady Stanton. She wasn’t Mr. Harding’s secret information gatherer. Here, she was simply the daughter of Sir Mulgrave. Sister and cousin to Eliza and Rachel. The simplicity of her role here was like a breath of fresh air.

The day they first arrived was filled with unpacking, settling in, and becoming reacquainted. Though it was not long ago they all had been here last, it was good to see that the dowager had not declined in her solitude. Dinah had to admit, though, that the house was certainly less boisterous without Lord Fitzwilliam. She hoped he was doing well in the East Indies.

The following morning, Dinah was first to arrive in the breakfast room. A lovely spread was laid out, and she picked up a plate, suddenly feeling quite famished. After only adding a bit of ham and eggs to her plate, however, Dinah stopped and turned, facing the empty room.

It was so quiet. Angleside Court was never this still.

What were they all about just now? Were the three little boys awake and running their nursemaid and mother ragged? Were Miles and Oliver teasing one another about the women they had danced with at the ball? No doubt, Uncle Jeffrey was telling yet another outlandish tale and Mr. Wilson was scowling at his brandy.

Aunt Beatrice was probably relieved Dinah was gone. No doubt, she was quite willing to take over running the household once more. Dinah’s mouth bent down. Why did it feel like she’d let the whole family down?

What did they think of her leaving? She’d not seen hardly a soul all day as she had worked alongside her frantic abigail preparing to go. Though everyone had put on a smile and had said they understood her desire to visit with her family, she didn’t deceive herself that the situation was so simple. It certainly wasn’t for her; she doubted it was for them either.

Charlotte swept into the room. “Good morning, Dinah.” She hurried over and gave Dinah a quick hug. “Have I told you how glad I am you decided to join us? I’ve missed you since you wed and moved away.”

She made it sound as though Dinah had removed herself to the Americas after getting married. Though on the other hand, Dinah had to admit that in some ways, her life was as different now as it would be if she had left England. She had not anticipated it, but as a married woman, everything had changed. What she could and could not do. How people looked at her, even danced with her, as she had found out the night before last. Most of all, though, she was terrified that the man she had grown to love would never care for her in return.

Charlotte filled her plate with a scone and fruit and took a seat at the large table. Dinah looked down at her own ham and eggs, suddenly unsure if she could even stomach this much. Still, she carried it to the table and sat beside her friend.

“How did you sleep last night?” Charlotte asked.

“Quite well. Yourself?”

Charlotte’s lips pulled up on one side. “Whenever I travel, it always takes me a night or two before I am able to sleep well in a new place.”

Dinah nodded her understanding and took a bite of eggs. They weren’t nearly as light and fluffy as the ones she’d enjoyed at Angleside Court. But these did have more salt on them. Would Henry have liked these eggs? Or would he have found fault in them regardless? She missed seeing him while she ate breakfast. Even more, she missed the way things used to be between them, the way it had been just after they’d gotten married, before Henry had turned cold.

“I cannot help believing, my dear,” Charlotte said slowly after a bit of silence between them, “that you are not so much here to be here, as you are here to be away from Lord Stanton.”

Dinah struggled to swallow her bite of eggs, Charlotte’s statement hitting a bit too close to the mark for her comfort.

“Am I in the wrong?” Charlotte pressed.

Dinah took a long drink of coffee and took a second to miss the drinking chocolate Henry had always provided before answering. “You are not incorrect.”

Charlotte shifted in her seat, turning to face Dinah. “Your father mentioned you have struggled since going to live at Angleside Court.”

Dinah sat down her cup and stared at the food before her. “I’m afraid he’ll never come to care for me.” She drew in a deep breath. “Not in the way I have come to care for him.”

“Do you...love him?”

Dinah pressed her lips tightly together. Shutting her eyes, she nodded.

“Oh, my sweet girl.” Charlotte draped an arm across Dinah’s shoulders and leaned her head atop Dinah’s.

“I don’t know what to do,” Dinah said. “I love him, but the more I try to show it, the colder he grows. I’ve tried to be patient, really I have. But what if it’s all in vain? What if he never sees me as more than yet another family member needing to be watched over?”

“Love is always scary, at some point or another.”

“Love should be thrilling and intoxicating. Not terrifying.”

Charlotte laughed softly. “If only it were so simple. Love can be those things. It can sweep you off your feet, make you feel as though you’re flying. It can fill you up and carry you over great oceans. But it can also cut you open. It is just as likely to leave you raw and uncertain.”

Dinah wiped a hand over both cheeks, and it came away wet. “That sounds awful.”

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