Page 19 of Love Buzz

And as we do every time a movie plays while we are together, I curl into Jonas. Sometimes we spoon—his front to my back—but tonight I want to nestle into his chest. I burrow my nose where his neck and shoulder meet, and inhale his scent. A blend of working in the garage, sunscreen, and Jonas. My favorite smell.

His arms snake around my backside to press me closer while I hold on to him for dear life. Legs tangle. Breathing spikes little by little. Hearts thump, thump, thump to a vicious rhythm. But we don’t move. We remain close, encased in our own little bubble of bliss.

When the familiar jingle plays for the credits, I quietly huff into Jonas’s chest before separating us.

“Stay here,” he says. “I got her.”

I scoot to sit up. Jonas eases off the couch, crouches down, and gingerly scoops a sleeping Clementine off the floor. As he tucks her close to his chest and her little arms cling to him, I melt into the cushions. When he rises from the floor and snuggles her closer to his chest, Clementine reaches for his hair and plays with what her little fingers reach.

I stop breathing. While Jonas walks her down the hall to the bedroom, he whispers in her ear and she hugs him tighter. My heart melts and puddles on the floor. Doesn’t matter what he said to her. His whispered words were meant solely for my daughter.

Jonas is so good with her. Cares for Clementine more than I ever imagined possible. More than I pictured any man caring for my daughter.

Which makes my indecisiveness that much more difficult.

A moment later, Jonas returns to the living room empty-handed. He sits on the couch beside me and picks up his shoes with hesitance. Jonas doesn’t want to leave. I don’t want him to leave. But until we know what type of Leo fire we need to extinguish, us sleeping apart is for the best. At least this is what I continue to tell myself.

When he finishes tying his laces, we rise from the couch as I walk Jonas to the door. We stop a foot away and Jonas closes the space between us. He brings one hand to my cheek, then the other. For a beat, he just holds me there, his gaze locked with mine. His face inches away, I swear he will kiss me any second.

He brushes the tip of his nose along the length of mine, and I close my eyes. Then his lips drop to mine. Warm, soft lips press to mine as I wrap my fingers around his forearms. His lips caress with such tenderness and devotion. Our breaths swirl in the air as we gasp between every other kiss. Then he slowly brushes the tip of his tongue over my lower lip. A shiver ripples through me before I open up and invite him in.

A hand slides into my hair while another drops to my hip and squeezes. I skim my hands up his chest, over the column of his throat, and into his hair, fisting the dark locks. We kiss until we need to come up for air. Even then, I need more of his kisses.

Foreheads pressed together, we work to settle our erratic breathing and hyper heart rates. I wish for this blissful bubble to never burst. Wish me, Jonas, and Clementine could stay in this happy place forever without disruption. But, right now, this wish won’t be coming true.

I pinch my eyes closed and wish I felt confident enough tonotdo what I am about to do. Maybe I will get lucky and someone will smack the obvious against my skull. Until then, this is the only way.

“Jonas,” I whisper between us. He inches back enough to see my face. To see the worry lines marring my forehead. The pain in my pinched eyes.

“Scarlet, open your eyes.” It would be so much easier if I didn’t have toseehis pain when I say this. But I deserve to feel the impact. “Talk to me.”

I tuck my lips between my teeth, take a deep breath, and swallow. “Until I get more details from my attorney, about Leo and any possible leverage he may hold, I think it’s best we slow down more.”

Jonas flinches as if I slapped him. “Slow down more? Yesterday was the first time I saw you in almost a week. After we…”

Now I flinch. I deserve the virtual slap to the face. He was going to say after we made love over the weekend. More than once.

“Please, Jonas. I can’t lose her, or you. But I don’t know how to navigate down this path. The only person who can guide us safely is the woman I just handed half of my savings to. And she’s currently digging to find me answers. Until she does, I shouldn’t jeopardize any chance I have of keeping my daughter.”

Jonas drops his hands to his sides and steps back. The second step back hurts worse than the first. His eyes dart between mine, looking for any semblance of misunderstanding. When he doesn’t find any, he shakes his head and takes another step back. God, why won’t he say anything? His speechlessness kills me just as much as the pain smeared across his face.

He pats his back pockets before pulling his keys from the front. “I need to go,” he mumbles.

“Jonas, please tell me you understand,” I croak.

The longer we stand like this, the more pained Jonas appears. The backs of my eyes sting. I blink and blink, begging my eyes not to betray me while he stands here. Why did I believe this was the only viable solution? I need answers. Now. But all reasonable thought has left the building.

“Wish that was possible, Autumn.” He shakes his head. I don’t miss how he calls me Autumn instead of scarlet. Twist the knife a little more to the left. “Not like I have a choice. I’ll be waiting in the wings. Let me know when I’m allowed to care for you and Clementine again. Hope it’s not too long.”

He steps around me, opens the door, and storms out. The door hangs open and I follow him with my eyes as he unlocks the Jeep, jumps in, cranks the engine, and whips out of the complex.

What did I just do? What the hell was I thinking? He’s gone. Jonas is gone. And I did this.

I shut the door, lean my back against it, and slide down until my butt hits the ground. As soon as it does, a torrent of tears lets loose, soaking my cheeks and shirt.

Don’t know how, but I need to resolve this mess. Quickly. I need answers from Theresa. Because this isn’t like last weekend when Jonas and I parted. This isn’t like after the bowling alley when I told him about Clementine.

No, this is a million times worse. And I fear I permanently messed us up. Ruined the best thing, other than Clementine, to happen to me… all because I am too scared to take a risk. Too scared to let love stand up and fight.

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