Page 49 of The Commanders' Mate

OMG, I wanted one.

I was swirling with Dara in my arms when Kaed’s pain hit me. Hard.

Kissing Dara on the cheek, I kept up the swaying and whirling as I danced Dara back over to her father. One look in my eyes and he knew something was up even before I spoke. “I need to find Commander Karter and get an update.”

He nodded and took his daughter from me, kissing her on her belly until she squealed and kicked and begged to be put down. When he placed her on her feet, she raced back to where her baby brother was still the center of attention, took his hands and they danced together. Family.

I glanced around at the people smiling and loving each other. This was family. My family. All of them. But Kaed needed me. I could feel him through the collar. Suffering.

“Do you know where he is? I don’t want to wander all over the ship.”

Seth turned to Kamara. “Can you keep an eye on Dara and Christopher for me? I need to show Lady Karter the way to the command deck. I’ll be right back.”

The girl’s shoulders got a little straighter and she puffed up with pride. “Of course, Captain. I’d be honored.”

I touched her shoulder in thanks as we walked past, absolutely certain Chl

oe’s little ones would be well looked after in Seth’s absence. Once the door closed behind us and we were alone in the corridor, I turned to Seth.

“How do you do it? Let them both go fight at the same time?” I thought of both Kaed and Ronan being out there, fighting, and shuddered. “I’m not sure I could stand it.”

His smile was all too human and I instantly liked him. No wonder Chloe loved this man. “You’re doing it right now. They’re both in battle, Lady Karter. Just because the commander is on this ship doesn’t mean he’s not fighting. Fighting is easy. You fight. You live or you die. It’s harder being the one left behind.”

He walked me to the control room where my mate was surrounded by buzzing warriors. The scene was controlled chaos, every screen, and there were a lot of them, moving. Ships. Grids. Missile projections. Everyone seemed to be talking at once, but to the warriors out there, in space, rather than to each other. And yet, I sensed that every single one of them knew exactly what was happening.

Kaed was bent over, his head down as he looked at something on a display in front of him. He looked fierce. Strong. So confident and disciplined. Only I could sense his pain, his frustration, his desperate need to lift his head and rage.

Everyone else in the room seemed calm, well, as calm as could be expected. His pain was personal and ran deep. Which meant only one thing… Ronan. Something had happened to Ronan.

He was camouflaged. The commander in action, and I began to understand why he had hesitated to trust me with this—connection. It made him vulnerable. What I did next could crack through that armor. Make him weak.

He sensed my presence, turning to face me. His face was as cold and emotionless as granite. I understood, burying my own pain at the idea that Ronan was hurt, or worse, gone forever. I buried my anxiety, frustration and worry and replaced the emotions with calm. Kaed needed me to be strong. I would not be the weakling he’d feared I would be if faced with this situation. Summoning my memories, I called upon my hours and hours of staring out at the sky, up at the planets and stars, with complete serenity. In those moments, I’d felt like I was part of something much, much bigger than myself.

And with that surety came peace. I felt it now, and I focused on that feeling, willing Kaed to take what he needed from me.

“Are you well, mate?” he asked, the entire bridge crew froze as if holding their collective breath for my answer.

I held his gaze and nodded. “I am well, Commander. I just wanted to update you that all of the passengers are comfortable and well taken care of.”

“Excellent.” He inclined his head and I felt his gratitude pour into me, his relief that I was not going to ask him what was tearing him up inside. Not now.

“Do you all need anything here?” Kaed’s emotional turmoil calmed and I filled my heart with love. Peace. Acceptance. This was the life I had chosen. He was the mate I had chosen. No matter what happened next, whether we all died in the next hour, or lived another hundred years, I did not regret that choice.

The support crew declined, ignoring me, returning their attention to the battle. As they should. Seth titled his head and motioned for me to join him as he headed back to check on his children.

“Very well.” I turned, leaving my mate with a smile I hoped would make him understand. But dealing with the battle, the crew and the threat to Ronan was an emotional struggle I could not fight for him.

The door slid closed behind us and I turned on my heel just as Seth’s hand came down on my shoulder, a very human move. No Prillon would touch me this way, but I was grateful for the human comfort. “You did well in there.”

“Thanks.”

He stopped me in my tracks and gently turned me to face him. “Erica. Listen to me. You did well.”

I pasted on a smile and straightened my shoulders. “Yeah? Well, someone very smart told me that being left behind was harder than fighting.”

“I did.” He squeezed gently and let me go. “And now you know.”

“Now, I know.” And I did. Ronan was fighting. Kaed was fighting. I had to be strong, trust them and do my job. I was Lady freaking Karter, these were my people, my mates, and my ship.

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