Page 460 of Now and Forever

He smacks my ass again and thrusts forward, teasing me. “How the heck do you figure that? We haven’t even tried it.”

We haven’t really tried, but . . . what else do I have to lose? I already lost my heart to him. Can I possibly make him love me the way I love him? I’m still pondering it when Drake suddenly pulls out of me.

He stands up, takes his shirt off and throws it away. He then goes over and punches a wall.

What the hell? I watch him fume. Meanwhile, I drop off the couch and sit on the carpet, admiring his naked form. God, his ass is to die for.

Seriously, I have it bad. Really, fucking, bad.

Drake runs his hands through his hair as he mutters something. “Fuck!” he yells at the wall. After huffing a few more times, he finally spins around and stalks toward me.

I train my eyes very hard to not look down and away from him; no matter how much I really want to look away, I can’t. I won’t give him an inch on this. Drake kneels down next to me, looking helpless and agonized. “Tell me what to do. I’ll do it,” he rasps out, voice packed with emotion.

“Drake—”

He cuts me off. “Just tell me. Do you want me to grovel? Do you want me on my knees and asking for forgiveness? Just say it, Lil, so I can jump through anything you ask of me. I’ll do anything to have you, be with you, and have you beside me.”

Just love me. It’s all I have ever wanted.

“Are you sure you’re not on the rebound after Shannon?” I eye him warily. Drake’s asking me to put my heart on the line for him, again. I have to know what’s on the table and what isn’t.

“Un-fucking-believable!” He gets up again, nose flaring, furious. He paces and stops, looking down at me. “Use your fucking head, will you? Do you think I will fuck around with a woman whom my parents wish to be my wife? Have you not seen the changes in me, Lily? The moment I saw you again, there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted you. I always have, but this time, I’m ready to give you my all.”

That does it! He’s ready. Great! Yippee! “Before, you didn’t want me because you weren’t ready? Now, that you’ve grown, you’re ready for me? How fucking convenient, Drake.” I get up, angry, with shaky legs. It doesn’t deter me. “I loved you. I fucking loved you! I worshipped the ground you walked on. And you knew it, too! Even before I told you, you knew how I felt about you.” I swallow, my throat constricting, as my tears threaten to fall. “But you didn’t care. You just took what you wanted and walked away. For eight fucking years, never once have I heard from you. Not. Once.”

I start to shiver, but I’m not done. “How do you expect me to react to you, now that you want me the way I wanted you to want me eight years ago? Did you expect me to jump for joy because you’ve changed your mind about me? Newsflash, the world doesn’t revolve around you and your wishes. You can go fuck yourself!” I start to walk out of the living room, wiping my tears away, when his words stop me.

“I went to visit you once. That same year. It was Christmas Eve, but you were wrapped up with some guy. I was actually a few feet away. I was even surprised that you didn’t notice me. Guess you were too busy with him.

“You see, I wanted to talk to you. About what happened that summer and how for six months on, I still couldn’t get you out of my head. You looked happy, Lil. I thought it was for the best. I thought, when you told me you loved me then, it was just a crush. You were young. I mean, what did you know about love when you were eighteen, right? So, I did what I thought was best and left you alone.”

“What guy?” I whisper, still halted on the same spot. There had been no one, no one for two years after him. The only guy I hung out with was Nick, Masie’s boyfriend, who became a friend, too.

“Tall, dark hair and fairly built. I didn’t stay long enough to watch you with him. I couldn’t stand it.”

“Nick. The guy you saw me with was Nick. He’s my friend’s boyfriend who is a very good friend of mine.” Drake went to see me. Sadness fills me in an instant. Missed opportunity . . . if it hadn’t gone that way . . . maybe I wouldn’t have a grudge against him. Even if he and I end up not pursuing a relationship together, at least I have some sort of closure now and not some twisted, pathetic reasoning my brain can juggle with.

A person cannot fully and truly understand the meaning of bitterness, gripping pain and raw heartache if one hasn’t gone through a massive blow of rejection—the kind, where it demolishes all your confidence and self-worth. The kind where life halts and your heart is left in that suspended time, with him, reliving memories; the good and the bad, over and over again.

I lived. I breathed. I simply existed.

That’s all I was, all I’ve ever been, since Drake crushingly and devastatingly left me. There is nothing worse than being brushed off by someone you love so much and hold dearly, it leaves you feeling as if you’re worth nothing. I’ve been a shell, an empty shell, because of this man. It’s sad, that the moment I am back in his arms again, I feel whole, complete. How can I fathom such a trivial pursuit of happiness? Am I even capable of risking whatever that is left of me to be with Drake again?

“I’m sorry” he croaks out, gutted.

I hear him move, cautiously. Paralyzed, I hold my breath as I feel his hard chest against my back, his hot breath hitting my left shoulder. “I’ll do what you ask of me. Just tell me what to do. One more chance is all I ask. I know this might be too much to ask of you, but if you feel the same as I do, I want you to reconsider.”

“Okay,” I rasp out, my voice trembling.

“Okay, yes? I want to be with you, too? Or is it an okay, I will think about it, kind of okay?” Drake asked cautiously.

I spin around, facing his naked form. I look up at his nervous face and I can’t quite look him in the eyes, my eyes drop low, looking at his chest. With my right hand, I softly press against his beating heart. “I want to be with you, but . . . you have to understand, that it may take longer for me to trust you. You have to earn it. This is not easy . . . for me to do. I know one thing that’s true and that is how much I still feel about you.” Choked up, I meet Drake’s gaze. “Let’s take this one day at a time. Is that alright with you?”

A smile starts to break across his handsome face. “You’re really serious? You won’t change your mind tomorrow? Because if that’s the case, I don’t think I can handle it.”

“Well, maybe you should try and not make me change my mind, then. It certainly wouldn’t hurt for you to try and be irresistible for once,” I goad him.

He mildly chortles and wraps his arms around me. “You’re definitely sure, Babe?” Drake presses on, needing assurance.

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