Page 395 of Now and Forever

“We own several homes in America and here, money and all the other assets we have together … We have to discuss these details.” Yeah, he was definitely coming to terms with it. It was a relief, true, but at the same time, I felt wretched inside.

Focusing on him, I shook my head, not wanting anything from him. “All I want is to keep my own financial investments. As for the rest, it was all you, Ash. I’m not so selfish to even consider that I’m entitled to your hard-earned money because I married you.”

I didn’t understand women who sued their husbands for money and assets just because they had tied the knot. Working to earn a living was difficult enough, making sure you were investing your hard-earned cash into something more profitable was even more rigorous. I couldn’t say I had done that myself, but I had seen how Ashton had slaved himself to become successful. Even though he had gone through an affluent upbringing, he had been quite determined to make it to the top without the help of his parents’ money.

It was a brave thing to do, most especially in our kind of circle since most children wouldn’t bat an eyelash at taking money, because it was their right to have it as the future heirs.

I was lucky enough that I didn’t spend my grandparents’ trust fund by splurging on fancy vehicles, luxurious vacations, and expensive shopping trips to Harrods—okay, the shopping trip I was guilty of since I had little to no restraint when it came to small luxuries. As for the rest, I had taken a chance of reinvesting it, and the risk had paid off. Had I not, I would be joining the rest of those privileged spawns who held out for allowances until Mummy and Daddy decided to give them ultimatums to work for the family business or find someone wealthier or more powerful to marry.

My mother would’ve been proud if I had chosen that path. That way she’d have more power and control over me, which would make her feel more like a mother since she believed she could make decisions for me, truly thinking that her own reasoning would be for my interest. The blatant truth was, I didn’t really think she understood how to be a parent; therefore she’d throw little hissy fits and tantrums when she couldn’t get her way. That way, she’d appear as if she was trying to be a good, responsible mother. It was sad really, if one came to think of it. At least I could use that experience and hope to be wise enough not to repeat that kind of mistreatment to my own child.

People only taught their own kids what they had learned and seen from their parents, and I would rather fully commit myself to be a full-time mum and ensure my child learned how to respect others. Respect could go a long way for the wise. Negligence and ignorance, on the other hand, was the reflection of our own misguided beliefs and lacking the sense to take a step back and reassess our lives. Denial could be anyone’s downfall, which could only lead to a string of problems and failures. Then the process would repeat itself from one generation to the next.

My lunch with Ashton turned into more of a somber affair. Good-byes, regrets, and what might’ve beens became one of the topics, mostly done by him. He even took the liberty of apologizing for the fact that he had started to slowly withdraw from me after his workload doubled. He reasoned that it was due to pressure and high expectations from the company, which had led him to think that pushing the worries away about my frustrations on not successfully conceiving could be addressed later on, when things weren’t so hectic at work.

For almost two years, I had sought my own comfort and council, believing I would get better, that this bitterness inside my heart would someday disappear. I refused myself to face the bare truth—that most of the bitterness was caused by my husband’s lack of being there when I needed to simply talk. When I cried, he wasn’t there to comfort me and tell me that I wasn’t a freak of nature because I couldn’t have a baby. He only came home every night, seeing me on a daily basis. He slept in the same bed, the same room, but never once did he open up and ask me how I was feeling, how I was dealing with nature’s blatant rejection of me, or how the loneliness of being a society wife was leaving me hollow and empty inside. We both had endless regrets and well wishes for one another.

I thought it was our way of rehashing what we once had, walking through the years we had lived together, before we reached the end of the line. It was a sad, blasted day. However, even though my heart weighed heavily right then, the next day, it would start slowly recovering. Nothing lasted forever, and it was vital that I never took anything for granted from here on out.

Ashton promised to see me before he left for New York, which would happen around the time when everything was mostly settled and when the lawyers could give him the clear that they didn’t need any more information from him.

As much as I despised my father, I had to give where credit where it was due. The man had the uncanny knack of making things happen. Maybe, one day, I could thank him for it.

Hours later, I was back in the hotel, huddled on the sofa as I watched a movie. It was wrong to anticipate Reiss tonight, because I didn’t want to start a habit that would be hard to break. However, I ended up hoping he’d show up. After he left the previous night to meet his mother, I hadn’t heard from him. No call or text message. I mean, I knew he was a busy man with a hectic schedule, yet there was a part of me that argued that, after what had happened the night before, it would be reason enough for him to come back.

Although, as the hours passed, hitting past midnight, my hope trickled away.

And, just like that, my heart shattered once more.

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