Page 332 of Now and Forever

“I’m torturing you? That’s fresh!” Stella hissed at me. “You have done nothing except torture me after that weekend. Who cares if Derek, William, or whoever else, kissed me? Who cares if I’m enjoying their caresses… or when their having sex with me? That’s none of your business.”

“You went all the way?” My hands slowly slid off the wall, feeling weak and beaten. “You—” I couldn’t even finish a sentence because I was having a hard time grasping at the thought of her enjoying another man… pleasuring her… fucking her as she begged for more. Stella was mine.

She was mine… but I had been too arrogant and past blinded from my own misery to see how much I wanted her in my life. Now I was paying the price. I was hurting, gutted all the way to the core.

Stella looked panicked, but quickly recovered.

I flinched when she cupped my cheek, stroking it. “Cal?”

I was at a loss. I had never felt so helpless in my life.

“Cal, say something…” she pleaded, nervously biting her bottom lip.

I watched as her teeth let go of it. It changed from pale pink into cherry red and I stood here, craving those lips like I’d never longed for anything in my life.

My eyes scanned her beautiful face, tracing, memorizing and yearning all at once before I stopped and stared into her soul, pleading for the umpteenth time. “I want you to give me a chance.”

“A chance… for what precisely?”

This was it. She was asking me to lay everything down… what I could bring and offer her. I simply hoped it was enough. “To be worthy of you. Because I could be. Just give me a fair shot.” She looked unconvinced, but I wasn’t finished yet. “I can’t get you out of my head. You’re stuck in it. I want what we had before, Stella. I want that simplicity of being you and me.” We were marvelous together. My father had to come in and wreck what I had again while my poor choices afterwards had driven her away.

“I want to make amends for my past mistakes. I’m not ready to let you go. I’d do anything. I swear, I will try harder.” I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I was too frightened that I might not be able to control myself and devour her. That would throw away any chances I had left of getting her back. “I can treat you better than Derek or any other man out there. Stay, stay and live with me.” My chest felt like it was going to combust from the emotions running rampant inside me; my thoughts rankled at envisaging her with those men. “I need you.” Badly. Desperately.

It seemed that my pleas weren’t being heard. Stella simply looked like she had made up her mind. I watched in agony as tears pooled in her stunning eyes. “I’m sorry, but I can’t,” she whispered, unyielding to my needs, wants and desperation.

I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel yet… one more…

“Why? Tell me, I’ll make it all better. If you want me to take some weeks off work so we could spend some time together, I would be more than willing. I won’t even drive any sports cars, knowing how much you hate me driving so fast. I could trade it in for a four-door vehicle. All you have to do is tell me.” Each word was shot out one after the other while I watched her tears fall down her face. “Tell me, Stella, anything is better than your rejection. I won’t settle for that. I just bloody won’t. I’m not ready to let you go. We’re not over.”

Unconsciously, my forehead touched hers. The sudden effect of her skin and her smell brought out sadness that I couldn’t explain. Yet, there I was, full of melancholy. “How could it be over, when I barely had you? We’d barely even begun…”

“No.”

I felt her breath against my lips. She was so close, yet so fucking far. I was having a hard time reaching her. “Then tell me what to do because I’ll do it.”

Stella moved her face to the side, tears freely flowing before she tested how far I’d go to get her back. “Love me.”

Love. Did it always come back to that? The word sent me to Heaven and Hell. It shot me into darkness. For years, I was imprisoned in its cells—it’s begrudging grasp—but Stella had made it all go away. So if it was what she was after… then I had no choice. “All right, if that’s all it takes for you to come back, then I love you.”

Stella’s palm flew and connected to my cheek before she pushed against my chest, making me back off. “Do you think this is a fucking joke?” she hissed like a banshee, eyes wide and ready to draw blood.

What the bloody hell? “It’s what you wanted!” I shot back, rubbing the spot where she had slapped. “It was what you asked, wasn’t it?” I frowned, baffled at her reaction.

“It is, but I want it to be real, Cal!” she raged on. “So don’t insult me by your half-hearted attempt of pretending that you do! Not only is it insulting, but it’s downright humiliating.” She sniffed. “We both know that you’re not capable of giving me that. That’s why we’ll never work. I want to be loved, too. That’s not so much to ask, is it?”

No, of course not. She deserved everything… but I could give her everything except for the love that I didn’t feel in my heart. “Stella…”

“Please. Leave.”

Hope was diminishing before me quickly and I was grasping at threads. “Stella, listen to me please.”

She shook her head, unwilling. “No, Callum. This is where it ends.” She strode towards her bed and sat down with her back to me. “If you care for me at all, if you wish me happiness, you’re going to sign those papers so we can both move forward.”

I growled my frustration, past knowing what to do any longer. Divorcing Stella wasn’t on the agenda. “There’s no fucking talk of divorce,” I thundered out, meaning every word of it. “I’d rather rot than let you marry another man.” If she wanted me out of her life, unbinding herself legally from me wasn’t an option.

“Have it your way, just get the fuck out. I don’t want you here.”

Right, she was ejecting me out of her home. “We have to finish this.” I tried to reason, however she was beyond my reach.

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