Page 17 of Now and Forever

“We’re developing this new project for the NSA. It’s still in the early stages…I hope to finish it before I go,” I heard him say as I gradually approached him. There was no tremor in his voice, only clear determination. If he was saddened about his present terminal condition, there was no indication at all.

“Is it really necessary to worry about unfinished projects right now, Papa?” Being that my mother was Brazilian, I learned to call him Papa instead of dad.

Peter Weber warily placed the device down and finally gazed upon me, standing a few feet away, frustratingly frowning at him.

“I figured you’d be a little upset, my darling,” he said, gauging my temper. “I thought it best to send Jared first so you’d have enough time to acclimate yourself to the changes in your life.”

“A little upset?” My voice quivered, appalled that my father couldn’t grasp how affected I was. Upset barely scratched the surface to fully describe my feelings. “My father’s dying, and you think me upset? Are you so detached from the rest of humanity that you can’t take a moment to consider how distraught I’d be? Mom’s gone and you’ll be, too, very soon…you could’ve at least warned me that you were ill.” I paused, trying to compose myself, even though tears rimmed my eyes. “What am I going to do without you?” My voice came out as a soft whisper. “I’m going to be all alone…I’ll have no one else…no one at all.”

My father made an effort to stand up but was too weak to successfully achieve it. His lips pressed together, frustrated by his lack of strength, before slowly reclining back in his seat. Depleted. “I apologize for all my faults—don’t doubt that—but I hope you understand my plight. I’m old, and after your mother died, something died in me, too.” His voice shook for the first time, showing signs of distress and a combination of exhaustion and emotional upheaval. His gray eyes, identical to mine, gravely implored. “I want to be with her, my darling. I’ve lived enough. It’s time to go. I’m tired.”

“But what about me? Don’t I matter at all?”

“I’m sorry. I’ve failed you. But I can’t go on living like this. It’s not living at all. I hope you understand why I had to ask Jared to look after you. He’s a good man…and I know how you feel about him, too, so I figured this would be the best step for you.”

“What?” I gasped loudly, blinking at him, stunned speechless. He knew? For how long? “Whatever do you mean?”

A soft, knowing, tired smile tugged at his lips. “You are my daughter, Gisele. I know you’ve pined for him over the years. He’s overlooked you, but this changes things. I hope your marriage will blossom into something significantly beautiful. I hope my marriage to your mother gave you a compass of what a blissful, meaningful marriage is like. Strive for that completeness, my darling. And if you can’t find it with Jared, don’t settle until you find a man who will worship the ugly side of you. If a man loves you through that, he’ll be your strength, helping you to navigate through life. Parting this life knowing you have him to care for you, it eases most of my guilt.”

“If you think that eases the pain of losing you, it won’t.”

“I know, my darling Gisele. I’m sorry for that.” He suddenly looked haggard, as if our exchange had spent most of his energy.

“Jared said he hired a doctor and a slew of nurses to help you get comfortable…but don’t you want to go to a hospital, instead?” My heart ached. I felt helpless.

“If I die, it’ll be in my home.” He released a strangled breath before closing his eyes. His hand then reached towards the intercom. “Thomas, tell Dr. Kim I need my dose of morphine.”

“Right away, sir,” Thomas smoothly responded.

I could easily picture him striding down the polished halls, perfect posture, chin up, and stoic as ever as he hunted for the physician in question. Our butler Thomas had been employed for over fifteen years. My mother managed to convince him to leave working for The Savoy to run their household. Thomas hadn’t left since. He was loyal to my parents, so much so that his personal life was practically nonexistent. I’d never heard him take a day off in his life.

After my mother’s death, the good man had been the only person who could bring a smile to my face in this house.

“When did he find out?” I asked out of the blue, wondering out loud. Thomas was family. Father was fond of him as well. We all were, including Jared.

My father pressed his lips, seeming pale as he rested his head against the leather chair. “He was the first to know—two weeks ago.”

He had kept it all from us. For him to slowly bring us into the fold could only mean one thing—the end was near. I thought after speaking to him I’d be enlightened as to why he chose this route—disregarding doctors’ advice for any sort of treatment. He made no attempt at all. Not even the holistic approach. My father simply declined each and every one of them, willingly accepting his fate as it was. No holds barred. This shouldn’t have surprised me; this was the great Peter Weber, after all. The man had the unconventional kind of thinking. Eccentricity was in his DNA. But I was left more confused than before. How could he throw away his life? All the hard work he channeled into his company, and for what? Because he was tired of living without my mother? That wasn’t reason enough, not to me, anyway.

Thomas, Dr. Kim, and the nurses came rushing in to aid him with his pain medication.

“Do you want me to leave while they tend to you?” My voice faltered as my gaze shifted from my father to the gang of medical staff instantaneously checking his temperature and pulse. One of the nurses pulled out a needle and a bottle of something, which probably was the medication my father had requested.

“I’d rather you not witness any of it, my darling,” he murmured weakly before he lifted a hand to halt them from going any further. “Will you and Jared join me for supper later? It’ll be in my breakfast room. It’s going to be a full moon tonight. I thought it might be good to enjoy it from the balcony.”

“I’d love that.” I nodded as I gazed at his ashen pallor. “Jared’s outside. I’ll let him know.” A large part of me badly wanted to go over to him and give him a hug, but I knew he wouldn’t appreciate it yet, not when he appeared too feeble and weakened.

A trace of a smile faintly appeared on his face. “You’re a brave girl, Gisele. Thank you, my darling girl.” Those were the last words he uttered before he nodded towards the people who waited around him, prepared to have the medication administered that they came in for.

He and I used to bring fruits and pastries up on his balcony while Mother slept, and we’d star gaze for hours on end. I was three when I learned the solar system. Four when I thoroughly studied stars and their organic compounds. Once upon a time, I was the apple of his eye. However, after losing Mom, that affectionate man vanished. Gone was the doting father, replaced by someone who couldn’t tolerate my presence if it went over an hour.

I stood at the door, hovering for a good minute or two, realizing that I was about to lose my father. My hero. The man who taught me everything, the one who embedded how essential it was to learn, to keep learning, and to never stop my hunger for knowledge. My mother taught me the essence of life. My father taught me the vital lessons of life. They were the very fabric of my existence, and soon, I’d be on my own.

Alone.

All I can do now is cherish what little time I have left with him…

My heart ached. Blow after blow, my world began to unravel, gradually crumbling my safe haven to smithereens. I barely had a chance to fully comprehend what was going on with me personally when another problem whacked me full throttle. Dwelling on my present condition could wait. My father came first.

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