Page 404 of Now and Forever

Chapter 151

Reiss

“What?” she asked after a while of me gazing at her with what must have been an odd expression on my face.

I quickly shook my head and murmured, “Nothing … nothing at all.” It wasn’t as if I wanted to convey what was going on in my head. She simply looked beautiful tonight, and I couldn’t take my eyes away from her. I couldn’t do it in the past, and it certainly seemed like I couldn’t do it years later. Even more so with her pregnant.

There was something volatile inside of me that made me feel entirely possessive at the thought of her carrying my child. I wanted to hide her away so no man would dare look at her and see what saw. I hadn’t planned for any of this to happen, yet here I was, staring at the very woman who had ruined me, marred me so deeply inside I thought I couldn’t ever recover from the slashing pain.

My cock was in monumental pain, although I was still fighting this consuming need to give in and have her—, all of her, tonight. There was a part of me that knew things would shift. Be it for the worse or for the better, I knew it wouldn’t be something I could undo. My actions from here on out would carry vast consequences, burdened by marriage, and I was having a difficult time letting things go, letting the past take a back seat while I figured out what would be the best course to take from here.

When she had said she loved me, all I wanted to say was, “Bollocks. You haven’t got a clue what love is.” But then, as I looked into her eyes, I didn’t have the heart to argue with her on the subject; thus I stayed mum. Besides, as far as I was concerned, it was best we didn’t discuss anything that had the word love attached to it. I’d rather take my own life than fall in love with her again. She had repeatedly proven to me how unworthy she was of my love, and with that poisonous emotion out of my system, there was no way I’d let it root inside again.

It had been fanciful of me, though, to believe I wouldn’t be tempted to want her. Whenever she was around, my cock would spring to life, and it usually took everything in me to control those urges. Those urges that almost felt too violent to manage. If I could let this hatred go, even for a night with her, it would truly be liberating. However, I was man enough to know I might not be able to handle it. Because, the truth was, I was petrified of Ava and the kind of influence she wielded over me. Like a loaded gun, she had the capability of wounding me, dismantling my very essence, leaving me in scattered pieces.

What man would gamble that kind of tragedy after they’d learned their lesson? Apparently, not I. I was confident enough to think I’d eventually get close to her while remaining devoid of emotional connection. It would take time and practiced patience, but eventually, I’d get there. I always did accomplish my goals once I put my energy into focus.

“What are you frowning about?” She batted her long lashes at me with her tantalizing eyes that were looking more violet than blue as she gazed serenely in my direction.

We were still splayed on the rug in the living room with Ava fully naked while I was still clothed. Thoughts of food had been abandoned ten minutes ago since this wicked woman had decided to taunt me, and she knew exactly how.

“You. It’s you I’m frowning about.” My answer came fluidly out of my mouth, and I noted how she immediately stiffened.

She nudged forward. “And? Aren’t you going to tell me?”

There were a lot of things that troubled me, and I wasn’t sure which one I should start with, but I somehow ended up saying, “When did you realize that you made the wrong choice in choosing him over me?”

Her lips parted, seeming to have difficulty forming the words to answer my question. Licking her lips, she curled the hair that was tucked neatly behind her ear around her finger. “When you left, I felt the hurt, but it wasn’t until after the news broke that you had died that I truly felt the full impact of losing you.”

How tricky her answer was. “So, when I left you in the library, what did you do next?”

“I … uh … went back to my friends.” She sulked. “You’re going to hold that against me, aren’t you?”

I held her accountable for a lot of things.

“I’m trying to understand what happened before, but there wasn’t much in there to glean that I haven’t known all along.”

“There you go again—always ready to shut me out. I get it. I was a terrible, rotten to the core, young girl, and I deserved to be crucified, but haven’t I suffered enough?” Her lips wobbled as she spoke, trying to hold her tears at bay. “I fucking love you, and I see through you—it’s obvious you don’t believe me. But give me a chance to prove you wrong. I’ve changed. I’ve given up everything to follow your whims. When you treat me like I’m nothing except a body to play with, even after all the anguish, I still make excuses for you. You punish me, and I’m letting you”—she sobbed softly—“because I’m still hopeful … because, even after all of this, I still believe there’s a part of you that remains mine, no matter how much you claimed to have fallen for someone else. I don’t care—I’m here, still trying to prove you wrong, even if it’s killing me inside.”

God, I hated seeing her cry. It played havoc with my emotions. I begrudged the fact that it seemed to be working in her favor once more.

“Ava, please, there’s no need for tears.”

She hid her face, trying to control her sobs. “I caaan’t…” She hiccupped. “I can’t seem to stop crying.”

I pulled her towards me, placing her head against my chest as I stroked her hair. “Hey, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

I was a bastard. What had I been thinking? She was probably exhausted and stressed out, not to mention that she was in a new house, pregnant, and very hormonal.

“Ava …” I let out a breath, holding her close, feeling as if the world somehow disappeared, and the only thing I could see, feel, and touch was her. Each time she sniffed, I felt like even more of a heel. “I’m sorry for doing this to you. Had I known you’d end up in tears … I’m sorry; I truly am.” I couldn’t even remember when the last time I had said I was sorry to anyone was, but right that instant, I felt compelled to, because her ceaseless cries were tearing something inside me, making me hurt merely by listening to it.

Ava wedged away just enough to look me in the eye, appearing like I had robbed her of her world. “It’s how you feel, and you’re entitled to it. Don’t say sorry if you don’t mean it. It makes the whole thing much worse.”

Her cheeks had splotches of red on them, her button nose was pink from sniffing, her lips were swollen from biting her lip in the attempt to stop the sounds of her sobs, and her eyes were glassy from tears. I swallowed the dryness behind my throat as I stared at her. She looked downright distraught, yet all I could think at this very moment was how innocent and gullible she looked; it was borderline angelic.

This face had haunted me for years without letting up. With one look at her, I seemed to have gotten lost again. She was the woman I had fallen so hard for, vowing I would love her until my last breath. She had been it—the be all, end all for me.

Taking her in, I let my mind and emotions take over, and before I knew it, my hand had snuck behind her nape, pulling her towards me as I situated her so she was straddling me. Then, I sealed my lips with hers, savoring her passion and her declared love for me. I grunted her name, letting myself go as I engaged with her on all levels, readying to climb the peaks with her.

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