Page 398 of Now and Forever

His face hardened, seeming carved of stone. “Is it really, Ava?”

He was toying with my mind because he was twisted enough to like seeing me uncomfortable.

“It’s just not, Reiss. I mean, I don’t see why?” I was almost screeching at him with my body sitting halfway off the sofa, clearly ready to argue with him.

He gave me a lasting look, casually shrugging before his gaze dropped, perusing the table that sat between us. “I don’t know…” he murmured to himself before he raked a hand over his hair, looking more confused by the second. “Maybe because I wanted to really see it for myself. Maybe because I needed to hear you give your vows to be his wife. Maybe I needed another reason to stay away from you forever.” He seemed like his thoughts were far away, recalling that very day.

“At first, I convinced myself I needed some type of closure from you since we parted in such an awful manner, and then I could leave in the middle of the ceremony. But, when I saw you emerge from the car … looking exactly as I had pictured you … I would constantly get these dreams of you walking down the altar towards me. Seeing you look that way, something violent happened inside me, and all I wanted was to stop you from marrying him.”

Dear Heavens. How could I truly delude myself after hearing him say these things? I wanted to beg, yet again, for another try, but I was far too scared of being rejected once more.

Swallowing the hard ball of hurt that felt like it was stuck in my throat, I was almost in tears as I asked him one vital question, “What stopped you?”

“You were standing in the aisle, ready to walk down as they fixed your veiled train. Your hands were almost white as you gripped your bouquet. The choir started and everyone in your wedding entourage went about their positions, waiting for their time to march down the aisle. It was then that I saw you gaze towards the altar, seeking his eyes, as if you needed strength or maybe encouragement that he was madly in love with you. He nodded, smiling at you, and you smiled back as if everything had suddenly become okay. Any protests or notions I had then disappeared. So I left and never looked back.”

But I didn’t even recall doing that. Maybe I had. All I could remember from then was how nervous I had been and how much I hadn’t wanted to be there. For weeks, I’d had nightmares that were so vivid they never failed to leave me in tears. It would always be Reiss, telling me to follow his heart, and I would eventually find mine. Funny how our subconscious were both giving us signs—omens—we did nothing about. Well, I did nothing.

“Had you appeared to me then, I would have run away with you. I could’ve been with you, married to you instead of him.”

“What happened was for the best, even though I didn’t think so then. But, after a few months passed, I got over it. I got over you along with the pathetic love I had so proudly vowed never to take for granted. We were young and didn’t know better. I’m glad things turned out this way, anyhow. At least I found out that love could be found again with the right woman and not someone who’s barely more than a child and didn’t know what being selfless meant.”

However, I wasn’t that naïve girl any longer. Couldn’t he see that? And what did he mean about finding love again…?

“When you said you found love, are you speaking in a past tense or present tense?”

“Present,” he uttered without hesitation.

“Oh,” I whispered in a small voice, trying to hold it together. “So … is she around?” Were they even together? The web of confusion thickened.

“Very much so, I’m afraid.”

My nails dug into my palm, hoping I’d draw blood. I felt entirely numb from the crashing blow after blow he was stabbing me with. “Does she know about me and what you’re planning to do with me?”

He sighed, giving me a stressed look before checking the time on his wrist. “If you really must know, she and I agreed that, when the time is right, we’ll be together. She understands where she stands with me, and that’s all that matters.”

There it was, life telling me to royally fuck off. The harm had been done, and there was nothing that could be built from the ashes. I simply had to deal with my reality—that Reiss was another woman’s man, and he was making the ultimate sacrifice to appease my father for reasons I wasn’t so sure about. Whatever it was, he was willing to put his life on hold to do my father’s demands before he went back to her.

“Had you told me in the very beginning, things would’ve been very different between us. But, from here on, I promise you that you can rest assured that I won’t do anything to jeopardize your relationship with her. Even after everything, I still want you to find happiness, and I mean that with everything I am.”

I was his first love, but sadly, I wasn’t his last.

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