Page 237 of Now and Forever

He had already risked too much earlier by kissing me. I didn’t want to give the household staff any reason to see this as anything other than playful banter between friends. God knew what they would think of me, most especially since Cruz hadn’t broken the news of his newly single status. The moment the word got out, I didn’t doubt there would be a lot of women wanting to catch his attention. Would he still want me then?

“Come with me. I want to spend my day with you,” he said.

“Doing what exactly?” The very idea made me nervously choke on my own saliva. If I spent the rest of the day with him, I would never come down from my high. I could kiss my sanity good-bye.

He shrugged, loving the idea he had suggested. “Whatever your heart wishes. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t hesitate to bury myself inside of you again … and again … and again.” The sultriness in his voice was noted unmistakably.

The images of him doing just that made my pussy clench from yearning for the same thing, but as much as I would love to have sex with him again, I was still sore from last night. Moreover, as much as I hated to admit it, I knew he and I needed some space from each other to breathe, to think, to fully understand what in the world was going on. After all, if I just threw caution to the wind and spent the day in bed with him, I would be in for the grandest of heartbreaks. I already knew that.

The impact Cruz already had on me was tremendously powerful compared to how it all had begun when I first dated Aaron. What I’d had with him didn’t even come close. Cruz possessed me like no other man ever had, and that was terrifying to think. If I gave him more of me, I would lose myself, and once this thing we had was over, I would have nothing left.

Making a skittish face, I braced myself to answer. “It’s tempting to say yes … but I’m afraid I have to skip on that. I guess I’ll be seeing you at work tomorrow.”

His face darkened, as if he hadn’t expected to hear my disinterest. “Are you quite sure?”

“It’s just too soon … I don’t want to rush into anything,” I reasoned, trying to convince him just as I tried to convince myself that I had made the right decision.

Cruz seemed to see through the bullshit I was feeding him because he looked far from convinced. “You’re weighing your other options then, I see.”

No, I wasn’t necessarily weighing my other options, more like being cautious of my heart. As a man, I doubted he could see that. To him, this was more likely about ego than anything.

It was surprising that this was what he thought of me, yet he was willing to keep pursuing me. Why on earth would he do that? Was this all just a stupid game, a challenge to win against his brother? Anyone with eyes could easily see how those two competed, so that was highly plausible.

My thoughts were making me sick to my stomach. If I were any wiser, I would guard my heart against Cruz. For some odd reason, I had an awful feeling in my gut that he would eventually crush it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Cruz.”

Something dark flashed in his eyes, drawing me into his silvery gaze. Though I could see frustration and puzzlement all over his expression, I didn’t let it persuade me to undo my decision.

After Aaron had played me for a fool, I would be stupid to let that happen to me twice. Cruz would eventually discard me once he’d had his fun. Then he would eventually go back to dating the women who were more suited for him.

I had to guard my heart, and I was doing just that. He couldn’t fault me for that.

“Very well. As you wish.” Briskly getting up from his seat, he gave me a stiff, courteous nod before bidding me good-bye.

Our eyes battled for a few minutes until he broke contact, readying to leave.

I didn’t know why I was in pain watching him walk away when it was what I wanted in the first place. The matters of the heart always battled against the mind. Maybe that was why nothing made sense anymore.

I hated being in limbo, but I didn’t have much choice. I would just have to learn how to live with it.

Finishing half of my lunch, I left the sunroom half an hour later, still reeling. I sought the safe confines of my bedroom, hoping to spend the rest of my day relaxing so I would have enough energy to push through the next five days working alongside Cruz.

Instead of calling Aaron back, I thought it was a better idea to email him. That way, I could thoroughly think through what I would say to him without getting my emotions involved like they had when we first broke up. I had written him lengthy text messages, left foul voicemails, and always yelled into his face whenever I saw him in school or at a party.

Recalling my hurtful past made me realize how important it was to build up my walls against Cruz so the past wouldn’t repeat itself. If he was only after sex, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. After all, he was amazing in bed, so as long as we kept our relationship physical, then it wouldn’t be a problem, now would it?

I wasn’t sure where my mind was leading me to, but I couldn’t deny that I was actually looking at this whole thing in a larger scale. Maybe it was time to get the details into perspective and spin it into my favor, one where I had the power to halt and disengage whenever I wanted.

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