Page 32 of The Finding Series: Vol. 2

“Yes,” Hunter said.

Roman’s chest lifted slightly beneath his ear as Roman chuckled and the fingers that were caressing the skin of his lower back stilled for a moment. “Don’t you want to know where first?”

Hunter shifted enough so that he was lying more fully on Roman’s body and then folded his arms under his chin. Roman adjusted the sleeping bag so it was covering him again.

“No,” Hunter responded. Roman smiled and then resumed his petting. His gaze turned to focus on the lake and Hunter used the time to study him. As strong and confident as Roman always seemed to be, Hunter couldn’t help but think he always looked just a little bit broken too. “Talk to me, Roman.”

“About what?” Roman asked though his eyes stayed fixed on the lake.

“About whatever it is that keeps your smile from reaching your eyes.”

Roman’s eyes finally shifted back to his. He didn’t speak right away. In fact, it took him so long that Hunter started to feel a niggle of self-doubt. As exciting as the idea of pursuing a relationship with Roman was, he didn’t know if he could do it if they weren’t equals in it…if it would always be about him needing Roman just a little bit more than Roman needing him.

“Gray asked to see me.”

“Is that where we’re going tonight?”

Roman nodded. “I haven’t seen him since the day you…”

“Walked away from you,” Hunter finished for him.

Another nod.

“Why didn’t you go see him when you came out here looking for me?”

Roman turned his attention back to the lake. “It was different that day I found you in your bathroom. I was so scared for you and I didn’t know what to do. And then I just knew…Gray. Just get to Gray and everything will be okay.”

“You needed your big brother,” Hunter said gently.

“That’s just it…he was never my big brother. Yeah, he was older than me and we shared some DNA but he was never a brother to me.”

“Never?”

Roman hesitated. “I guess there were a couple of times where I thought maybe he cared about me just a little.”

“Like when?” Hunter asked. Roman still hadn’t looked at him so Hunter reached his fingers up to trail them back and forth over Roman’s throat. At the contact, Roman swallowed hard but he didn’t pull away.

“The first night I spent in my father’s house, I freaked out because I was afraid my mom wouldn’t be able to find me there. The reverend had kept saying she was with God so I had convinced myself she was an angel and she’d come down to visit me in my dreams but then I panicked because I didn’t know how she’d find me.”

“You were ten, right?”

Roman nodded. “I went to Gray’s room to ask him how my mom was going to know where I was. I was crying so hard that he had to ask me a couple times what was wrong. When I finally got it out, he gave me this nightlight – it was in the shape of a stack of books – and he plugged it in the wall right next to my bed and told me that as long as I had it, my mom would always be able to find me. Then he stayed with me until I fell asleep.”

“How old was Gray?”

“Seventeen,” Roman said. “After that night I just latched on to him, you know? I was terrified to let him out of my sight. He was…he was nice about it at first, me following him around. But after a while he started shutting me out. He wasn’t cruel about it or anything – he just acted like…”

“Like what?” Hunter prodded.

“Like I wasn’t there. Then he went to college and I only saw him a handful of times after that.”

“You said there were a couple times where you thought he cared.”

“I didn’t really realize it until I was older. My dad’s wife never let me forget that I wasn’t really a part of the family. I had to call her by her first name. My dad too. They didn’t include me in any events if any of their friends were going to be around because Victoria didn’t want people to know who I was. At Christmas, Gray was the only one who ever got me something and I never got to eat dinner with them except when Gray was home from school. I always thought it was because it was a special occasion but now…”

“You think Gray had something to do with it.” Hunter said.

Roman’s pain filled eyes finally shifted to his. “Sometimes I think I’m remembering things a certain way because I want so badly to believe the lie instead of the truth.”

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