Page 22 of The Finding Series: Vol. 2

Hunter was silent for a moment and then sat up. Roman pushed himself upright enough so he could lean back against the headboard. The confusion on Hunter’s face was heartbreaking.

“Hunter,” Roman said softly as he leaned forward to put his hand on Hunter’s uninjured cheek. “I know people have probably been telling you your whole life that two men being together is wrong, that it’s a sin and it goes against nature…I suspect a lot of people have been telling you a lot about how you should live your life, haven’t they?”

Hunter dropped his eyes but didn’t respond otherwise.

“I don’t want to be one of those people, Hunter. I don’t want to tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel.”

That seemed to get Hunter’s attention because he lifted his eyes.

“When we came into the cabin, did you see my brother and Luke?”

Hunter had been behind Roman when they’d entered the cabin through the back door so he hadn’t been sure if Hunter had seen the way Gray and Luke were holding onto each other as they spoke softly in the kitchen.

“What did you see?”

“They were touching, talking,” Hunter said softly.

“Did you see anything else?”

“They…they reminded me of Gran and Pops. They used to do that – get so lost in each other that it was like nothing else existed.”

“So you didn’t see two men doing something wrong?”

Hunter shook his head. “I saw two people in love,” he said quietly as he slowly lowered himself back down to the bed. Roman was pleased when Hunter rested his head on Roman’s stomach and Roman used the opportunity to brush his fingers over Hunter’s soft hair.

“I wish I could take this from you, Hunter,” Roman whispered.

Hunter turned over so that he was facing Roman. His eyes were heavy with a mix of pain and confusion as they settled on his left arm which was completely covered save for the little bit of white bandaging peeking beneath the cuff. “It was an accident…the first time it happened.” His eyes lifted to meet Roman’s. “I got really sick the week of my mid-terms during my freshman year. I ended up getting a C on one of them and my dad lost it. He accused me of getting the bad grade on purpose. I told him I’d be able to get my grade back up before the semester ended but I don’t know if he even heard me. When I hung up the phone it was like something inside of me just snapped. In that moment I hated everyone and everything and I just…” Hunter shook his head slowly, clearly unable to continue with whatever he’d been about to say.

He took a deep breath and finally said, “I just started grabbing things and throwing them - I was completely out of control. I’d been cooking something on the stove and when I grabbed the pan, the grease spilled onto my arm. The pain was so intense that it just took everything else away. Everything that had been swirling around inside of me just disappeared – like someone popping a balloon. I cleaned up the mess I’d made, fixed myself something to eat and went on like it never happened. Every time those thoughts started to come back, I just looked at the burn on my arm and I felt better. But then it started to heal…”

“And the pain inside started to build again,” Roman offered gently.

Hunter nodded. “I knew it was wrong and I tried for a really long time not to do it again but then I’d start to think about Finn and the way he looked at me when I said what I said about him…” Hunter swallowed hard.

“Did you ever try to talk to him after that night?”

Shaking his head, Hunter said, “I left town the next morning. My dad…he sent me to stay with this pastor friend of his who ran a youth group. I didn’t realize what it was at first…”

Roman tensed as he realized the direction Hunter was headed in.

“Most of the first day was just about studying all these bible passages. Then the pastor brought in all these guys and girls who were supposed success stories and they started telling us how they’d found their way back to the light after being tempted to sin by the devil.”

“It was one of those ‘pray the gay away’ places,” Roman said softly.

Hunter nodded.

“I don’t understand. Why did your dad send you there if he believed your lie about Finn assaulting you?”

“I thought my dad would just kick Finn out of the party and tell him to stay away from me. But then he called the cops. While they were questioning Finn, I pulled my dad aside and tried to tell him that maybe it had all just been a misunderstanding…that maybe I’d accidentally sent Finn some kind of signal or something. I thought he’d just let it go. But he just told me to go in the house. Once everyone was gone, he came into my room and started yelling at me about sending out gay signals. Then he started asking me if it was because I was a queer. He got in my face and started asking me that over and over again so I told him I’d said that stuff about it being a misunderstanding because I was embarrassed for people to know a fag had touched me. That seemed to calm him down but he sent me to that place anyway. I was only there about a week because my dad pulled me out early so I could spend the rest of the summer interning for a friend of his who worked for the governor.”

“Did you come home at all after that?”

Hunter shook his head. “I was too ashamed. I cut myself off from everyone so I wouldn’t have to be reminded of what I’d done, especially because so many of them believed my lie.” Hunter’s eyes lifted to meet his. “I didn’t…I didn’t know things had gotten so bad for Finn or his boss. I figured it would all just blow over.” Hunter dashed at his eyes. “Luke said…he said Finn was with that guy and his boss, right?”

Roman nodded.

“You think he’s happy?” Hunter asked quietly. “I mean, he looked really happy talking to that guy…Rhys…before he saw me, didn’t he?”

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