Page 20 of The Finding Series: Vol. 2

Roman pushed back his chair and stood. “Jesus,” he muttered as he began pacing back and forth in the small kitchen. His first instinct was to go into the bedroom and make Hunter explain what he’d been thinking when he’d spouted that terrible lie. And why the hell hadn’t he come forward and told the truth?

And then an image of Hunter bent over that pool table flashed in his mind and his anger gave way to pity. Hunter may have made a foolish, unthinking choice but he hadn’t walked away completely unscathed. Roman returned to the chair and dropped his head into his hands.

“He’s punishing himself for it,” he said quietly.

“His arm?” Luke asked.

Roman nodded. “That and other stuff,” he said, unwilling to share the details of what the bikers had done to Hunter…what he’d allowed them to do in some sick attempt to make sure he’d paid for what he’d done to Finn.

“It’s called self-harming,” Luke said. “They taught us about it in the army so we’d be able to recognize the signs in other soldiers.”

“Is it related to PTSD?” Gray asked.

“It can be. It’s a coping mechanism,” Luke explained. “I met a guy in basic training who used to do it when he was a teenager. His parents thought he just doing it to get attention and his shrink was convinced he was just doing it for the rush.”

“The rush?” Roman asked.

“Yeah, I guess for some people, the act actually causes them to feel pleasure but for most it’s about finding relief or feeling in control.”

“I’m scared to death he’s going to do it again,” Roman whispered. “Or worse…”

Roman’s thoughts were interrupted by Ripley’s excited barking. Gray looked around the kitchen. “She must be by the back door,” he murmured as he stood to check on her.

But Roman was already up and hurrying to the guest bedroom. Panic went through him when he saw the empty bed and he quickly ducked into the bathroom to make sure it was empty. It was so he left the room.

“Mud room’s back there,” Gray said from just behind him.

Roman followed the sound of the barking dog. There was a small room at the end of the hallway with a door leading out the back of the cabin. When he didn’t see Hunter anywhere, fear curdled in his gut.

“Ripley will find him,” Gray said as he pushed the door open. “Go,” he nodded to Roman.

Roman trotted after the dog. Although he quickly lost sight of her, she kept up her excited barking and it took him just minutes to catch up to Hunter who was striding through a heavily wooded area.

“Hunter,” he called as he got closer but Hunter ignored him. It wasn’t until he actually grabbed Hunter’s arm that the young man rounded on him and hit Roman in the chest with his closed fists.

“Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?” he shouted.

Roman caught Hunter’s wrists before he could strike out at him again but then released them just as quickly. The move seemed to catch Hunter off guard.

“Do it,” Roman said.

When Hunter didn’t respond, Roman grabbed his hands and forced them into fists. “Fucking do it!” he shouted as he put Hunter’s fisted hands against his chest.

Hunter pushed away from him and kept walking.

“You lied to me,” Roman said softly. Hunter stopped but didn’t turn so Roman closed the distance between them and then stepped around Hunter so that they were once again facing each other. “About the men in the club,” he added.

“I told you why I let them…”

“Yes, but that wasn’t the only reason, was it?” When Hunter didn’t answer him, he continued. “When will it be enough, Hunter? How much pain do you need to feel before you start forgiving yourself?”

Hunter laughed harshly. “Forgive myself? Didn’t you hear what they said in there?”

Roman had already figured that Hunter had likely overheard his conversation with Gray and Luke.

“What I heard was a story about a kid who made one really bad decision…a decision with terrible consequences. But this isn’t the fucking answer!” Roman said as he carefully grabbed a hold of Hunter’s injured arm. “Letting men brutalize you won’t undo that night, Hunter! Hurting yourself won’t give that young man the last eighteen months of his life back!”

“You think I don’t know that? You think I haven’t tried a thousand times to find the courage to tell Finn how sorry I am? How I wish I could take it all back? You think I don’t wish I was strong enough even now to admit to my fag hating dad that I was the one who kissed Finn first?”

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