Page 107 of The Finding Series: Vol. 2

I felt Beck’s hand close over my forearm where it was resting on the table. I liked that neither he or Brody told me how sorry they were – they were words I’d heard often enough yet somehow, they always managed to make me feel even emptier.

“What about you?” I asked Brody, hoping to get the attention off of me. I eyed him and said, “My guess is you were the quarterback on your football team and you led your team to the championship four years running.”

Brody smiled. “Not quite. That would be my brother, Nathan. Along with valedictorian, prom king, captain of the debate team, class president...” Brody’s voice dropped off as he picked at his food and I instantly regretted bringing up the topic.

“What about you?” Beck asked.

“Me…” Brody seemed to mull over the word for a moment. “Just like the night we were born, I was always late to the party.” He smiled half-heartedly. “I held my own, I guess. I idolized Nathan, so it wasn’t bad living in his shadow. As we got older, I was kind of grateful…took the spotlight off me.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

Brody was quiet for a moment before saying, “Either of you heard of Chandler Wilder?”

I shook my head, but Beck said, “He’s that governor who ignored the Supreme Court’s ruling on gay marriage. He tried to block gay marriages in his state even after the court handed down its ruling.”

Brody nodded, but before he could say anything else, Beck said, “Wait, is he your father?”

“Yep, dear old dad,” Brody murmured.

“Chandler Wilder is your dad?” Beck said softly. “He did all that knowing his own son…”

“I’m not his son anymore,” Brody responded. “Haven’t been since I told him no amount of prayer was going to make me not want dick anymore.”

“When was that?” I asked. The food I’d eaten felt like a lead weight in my belly so I put my fork down and pushed the plate away.

“Three years ago. About a month before I was set to graduate from law school and two months before I was supposed to marry my fiancée.”

“What about your brother?” Beck asked.

“Last time I saw him was the night he came to my apartment to try and stop me. He told me I was a sick fuck and that we weren’t brothers anymore.”

“Fuck, Brody,” I began, but Brody cut me off with a shake of his head.

“It was for the best. I felt like I was drowning in that life. When we were kids, Nathan got most of the attention, but not enough that I could have the life I wanted. My dad had high hopes for both of us to walk in his footsteps…law school and then political office. After I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I told Nathan the truth. He told our father and all hell broke loose. I stood to lose everything so I convinced myself it was a phase and I could be cured. I wasn’t, of course, but I knew better than to tell anyone that. I thought maybe I could have both worlds…be the prodigal son my family expected me to be while using gay clubs and random hookups to feed that darker part of me that I just couldn’t get rid of. I did it for years…” Brody said quietly, his eyes on the plate of untouched food in front of him. At some point, Beck had taken his hand in his, but I wasn’t sure Brody had noticed.

“I finally realized how fucked-up my life had gotten when I got a glimpse of my future. I was in this club that was well known for some of its seedier offerings and I actually ran into someone I knew.”

Brody’s eyes shifted to me and Beck before saying, “He was my father’s general counsel and close friend of my family since before I was even born. Happily married with four kids…or so I thought.”

Brody dropped his eyes again. “The things he was letting those men do to him…” Brody shook his head. “When he saw me, he panicked and begged me not to tell my father. Said it was just something he needed to do once in a while. That he wasn’t actually gay. It was so fucking pathetic but I knew,” - Brody’s hand tightened on Beck’s – “I knew that would be me someday. That was it. I went home that night and told my fiancée we were through and I told my family I was gay the next day. I left South Carolina and moved to Florida. I’d worked construction when I was younger so I got a job hanging drywall and as soon as I had enough money saved up, I enrolled in a training course to become a paramedic. When I saw the job opening in this area a few months ago, I jumped at the chance and here I am.”

Beck and I both sat in stunned silence for several long minutes. I didn’t miss how Brody began playing with Beck’s fingers, linking and unlinking them with his own.

“Your family didn’t look for you? Try to make contact?” I asked.

Brody shook his head. “Some reporters showed up after the Supreme Court ruling to get my reaction and to ask if I was gay, but I ignored them. I didn’t want to become a part of his story, if that makes any sense.”

I nodded. The reporters would have had a field day exposing the truth about Brody.

“My family painted me as a black sheep and I was fine with that,” Brody said. “The reporters eventually lost interest once my dad was forced to concede that he couldn’t fight the ruling. He lost his re-election bid last year, but it looks like Nathan is making waves as the new poster boy for the far-right wing. I read that he’s considering a run for senate next year.”

An awkward silence fell over the room and lasted until Brody pushed back his chair and collected his plate. He took it over to the kitchen and began scraping the leftovers into a plastic container, presumably for the stray dog Beck was still trying to befriend. Beck and I exchanged glances and then he got up and went to Brody. My insides tripped over themselves as I watched Beck wrap his arms around Brody from behind and rest his head against his back. Neither spoke, but I could see some of the tension ease from Brody’s body. When he turned around, Beck didn’t hesitate to embrace him and when they kissed softly, I smiled.

I didn’t know what we had, but somehow it was working for us. I could either spend the rest of the summer fighting it, or just enjoy it until the time Beck had to go home. Hell, it likely wouldn’t last beyond the couple of weeks we had left together until we left the resort to go back to our normal lives.

With that thought in mind, I said yes when Brody suggested we watch a movie. Surprisingly, Beck agreed and when we settled on the couch, there was no awkwardness as he settled between us.

Less than an hour later, Beck had nodded off and I was nearing the point of no return myself so I sent Brody a quick look. He got the message and turned off the TV and gently shook Beck awake.

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