Page 104 of The Finding Series: Vol. 2

Beck was quiet for a while before he said, “Quinn?”

Quinn’s fingers were still resting on my arm and I felt them tighten just a little bit before relaxing again. I knew what Beck was asking us was extremely personal, but I hoped like hell Quinn would answer him. I couldn’t say why it mattered so much, just that it did.

“Griff was my first,” Quinn finally said. “I grew up in a small town in Nevada so I didn’t have a lot of options when it came to exploring my sexuality. I knew my dad would lose it if he found out I was gay so I didn’t risk hooking up with other guys until I was out of the house. I’d found a job with this guy who toured the rodeo circuit. He was a pretty big deal at the time. I went on the road with him and met Griff about a year later. Griff was a bull rider who was very much out and proud. The first time we were together…” Quinn quieted for a moment and I had no doubt he was lost in his own memory.

“It was unlike anything I’d ever known. But I wasn’t ready to be out and Griff wasn’t looking for someone who was still comfortable hiding in the closet. I kept running into him from time to time on the circuit over the following few years, but it wasn’t until I started competing myself that I knew it was time to admit who I really was. It took me another couple of years to convince Griff to give me another chance, especially since I wanted us to keep a low profile – rodeos aren’t exactly the most tolerant of communities. We started traveling together, but we kept our relationship a secret. Some people suspected, but as long as we didn’t advertise it, they seemed happy enough to leave us in peace.” Quinn sighed and shifted and I looked down to see him leaning over Beck so he could brush a stray hair off his face.

“So no, I never felt like it was wrong being with him or the few hookups who came after I lost him…the only thing that ever felt wrong was hiding who I was.”

Quinn ran his finger up and down Beck’s cheek as he whispered, “Did being with us really feel so wrong, Beck?”

It seemed to take forever for Beck to shake his head. The relief I felt was palpable because with that singular movement, I knew maybe we still had a chance at figuring out what this thing between us was.

“But it’s made me see that all the other times were wrong,” Beck murmured. And just before he tucked his face against my chest, he whispered, “And what does that say about me?”

ChapterTwelve

Quinn

Icame awake to the sound of a door opening and turned my head just in time to see Beck coming out of the bathroom. His eyes connected with mine just before he turned the light off in the bathroom and shut the door. I watched as he grabbed his boots and came around to my side of the bed. Brody was snoring softly on the other side and I glanced over to see him lying on his stomach, his arm flung out over Beck’s pillow as if searching for him.

“What time is it?” I asked as Beck sat down on the bed next to me and began pulling on his boots. There was no light filtering in through the curtains so I had to guess it was pretty early still.

“It’s early,” Beck confirmed softly as he quietly pressed his feet into his boots. I started to sit up, but he put a hand on my shoulder. “Sleep a little longer,” he urged. “I’ll take care of the horses.”

As tired as I was, I doubted I could get back to sleep. Brody and I had spent another night with Beck and whatever nightmares were plaguing him. Even though he rarely woke all the way up while in the midst of one, I had to assume they left him feeling drained. I was also worried about him being alone since we really hadn’t resolved anything since his breakdown two nights earlier. He hadn’t said anything about his cryptic statement about the sexual encounters he’d had in the past being wrong and Brody and I hadn’t pressed him.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

Beck hovered over me and then, to my surprise, he leaned down and kissed me. He kept the kiss light and simple, but it still made something deep inside of me unfurl.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

I nodded because I didn’t need to ask what he was talking about. I brought up my hand to caress his face, damning the fact that there was no light to see his eyes. He sounded stronger, but I needed toseeit too.

Beck held there a moment, pressing his face into my hand, and then he brushed his mouth over mine once more before standing. He left the room, leaving me with Brody who hadn’t woken up. I turned over so I could see the other man more easily and watched the rise and fall of his body as he breathed. We’d kept Beck between us in the 36 hours we’d spent with him, so I hadn’t had a chance to touch Brody. I let my hand trail up his muscular back and reveled in how warm his skin felt.

I hadn’t shared a bed with another person in the two years since I’d lost Griff and I was surprised to acknowledge how much I’d missed it. It had felt so natural and easy to share the too-small bed with Beck and Brody.

“Mmmm, feels good,” Brody said with a sigh and I watched as he turned his head so he was facing me. His voice sounded sleepy and content. “Beck?” he asked.

“Went to take care of the horses.”

Brody was silent for a moment and even though he was awake, I didn’t stop caressing him.

“How did he seem?” Brody asked.

“He seemed okay,” I responded. “Good, actually.”

“That’s good,” Brody murmured and then he was shifting his body so that not only was he on his back, he’d closed the space between us. I ended up dropping my hand to his chest. He was perfectly built with just the smallest smattering of chest hair.

“Morning,” I said softly as I let my fingers skim over one of his nipples.

Brody let out a breathy sigh and said, “Morning.”

I levered up on an elbow and watched him, though I couldn’t make out as much as I wanted since it was too dark. I was tempted to turn on a light but figured maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to see certain things.

Because I couldn’t get too comfortable with all of this.

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