Page 127 of The Finding Series: Vol. 2

I had no doubt I was in love for the first, and what I highly suspected would be the last time in my life, and it both scared me and set me free. Scared me because I didn’t know if Brody and Quinn felt the same way and set me free because I finally felt like I belonged.

To a place.

To people.

To myself.

I wasn’t foolish enough to think my depression had been miraculously cured since I hadn’t had any episodes since my men and I had heated things up, but I couldn’t deny that being around them had changed my life dramatically.

And not just them…the horses, Harley, my friendship with Lilah…they all helped to keep me grounded and moving forward. That need to hide away in bed day after day was non-existent at this point. If anything, I couldn’t wait to wake up each morning, mainly because it meant I could be with Brody and Quinn outside of my dreams. Which was a surprise since my quality of sleep had worsened as I continued to be plagued with the same nightmare night after night. But I was convinced it was only because my relationship with Quinn and Brody continued to go undefined and that was what was causing the stress that was triggering my nightmares.

As good as I’d been feeling, I’d been careful about expressing my emotions with my guys. It was a form of self-preservation that had kicked in as I’d realized my feelings had turned into something beyond just liking each man and enjoying the pleasure they brought me. Because as my feelings grew, so did the knowledge that I was going to lose everything, and not because of something I said or did.

No, time was my enemy.

The countdown to my return to Seattle was like a living thing beneath my skin. It wasn’t until the night before when I’d been lodged between Quinn and Brody’s hard bodies as they’d slept that my mind had started to toy with an idea that I never would have had the strength to even consider if it hadn’t been for the insight these past few weeks had given me.

What if I stayed?

That question had seemed impossible to answer at first because the idea of being away from my family and starting a new life in Montana seemed crazy to me. My fathers wouldn’t go for it and I had nothing here besides my men.

But besides my family, I didn’t have anything at home either.

If I wanted more, I needed to go after more.

That was when I’d remembered my conversation with Dane…the one before my freak out moment.

College, being a vet tech, going to vet school someday…they’d seemed like impossibilities when he’d mentioned them. But now…now that I was different, maybe it meant the future could be different too.

I hadn’t slept a wink after that realization had hit me the night before. I’d merely lain there, Brody’s face pressed against my neck and Quinn’s strong arm wrapped around my body, and tried to work everything out in my mind.

What I’d be losing.

What I’d be gaining.

A normal life.

The thing I’d dreamed of from the moment I’d woken up in the hospital fifteen months ago, only to find that my plan to find eternal peace hadn’t worked.

Something I was happy about now more than ever.

But my new future had one big sticking point…or two rather.

Quinn and Brody.

I had no idea if they wanted things to be the same once we left the resort. As well as I was doing, that old sense of self-doubt lingered and every time I wanted to ask my men if we could have something outside our perfect little bubble, that little voice in my head would remind me of who I really was and that no one would want the real me or the shitload of baggage I came with.

I shook off that feeling as it threatened to creep in on me again. I had one last night with my guys that was a certainty. I wasn’t going to waste it.

As I entered the residence through the kitchen door, I was reminded about the previous night. The look on Brody’s face after his brother had hugged him just before walking out the door…it had broken my heart.

For him.

For Nathan.

Brody’s brother wasn’t at all what I’d expected. When I’d seen him in the barn as I’d been locking up, it hadn’t even occurred to me who he was. I’d laughed at the sight of my man dressed in a fancy suit and sporting carefully styled hair. And for some reason, as I’d gotten closer to him, I hadn’t noticed what would be so obvious to me later on, after I’d realized my mistake.

There’d been no laughter in his eyes…no life.

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