Page 93 of The Finding Series: Vol. 1

“But Foster…”

“Is trying to find any excuse to renegotiate my contract. Aren’t you the one who says any publicity is good publicity? Ask them to send you the numbers on pre-orders and then ask them again if they’re going to delay the release.”

“We still need to have a response ready to go if Cavelli goes public.”

“He’s absolutely going to go public when the studio tells him he’s not getting the part. And my response will be the same thing I told him when he threatened me…fuck off.” Gray pinched the bridge of his nose as his head began to spin. “Good night, Sid,” was all he said as he hung up the phone and tossed it on his nightstand. He was caught off guard at the sting of tears as another wave of nausea went through him and he climbed unsteadily to his feet. His last thought before he leaned over the toilet was the same one he’d had over and over in the motel room – he wished Luke was there to hold him.

ChapterFive

Luke watched Gray pick at his food but instead of saying something like he wanted to, Luke stood and took his own empty plate to the sink and rinsed it before putting it in the dishwasher. Gray had been home for two days and looked even worse now than he had then, though Luke wasn’t sure how that was possible. But while Gray’s physical appearance had started to change drastically, their interactions with each other had been exactly like they’d been before Gray left to go to Missoula for his mysterious hook up. The only exception had been their brief argument the day after Gray’s return when Gray had seen the dishwasher. He’d offered his thanks but then he’d done something unexpected that had torn Luke up inside…he’d fucking paid Luke for installing the dishwasher. And just like that, their relationship had changed completely and while Luke hadn’t touched the money Gray had left sitting on the counter for him, Gray hadn’t taken it back either. If Luke had been smart, he would have taken the money and used it to get his ass back on the road. But he didn’t want Gray’s fucking money…he didn’t know what the hell he wanted but he knew it wasn’t that.

Luke reached for the bread on top of the fridge and tossed a couple of slices into the toaster. Once the bread was lightly browned, he put it on a plate and then went to the table and replaced the chicken and vegetables Gray had been pretending to eat with the toast. Luke put the uneaten food in the garbage and then returned to sit at the table. Gray hadn’t touched the bread and a glance at his glass of water showed he hadn’t had any of it either.

“You need to see a doctor, Gray,” Luke finally said when he took in Gray’s sunken eyes and pale skin. He looked like death warmed over. At the slight shiver that went through Gray’s body, Luke got up and grabbed the throw from the back of the couch in the living room and dropped it carefully over his shoulders. Luke had already turned the thermostat up in the cabin and he’d even started a fire in the fireplace but Gray still seemed chilled. “It doesn’t make sense that you’d get the stomach flu again so soon but in any case, you’re too dehydrated. A doctor can give you fluids…”

Gray’s dull eyes continued to stare out the window as he wrapped the throw around his body. It was like the man hadn’t even heard him.

“Gray,” Luke whispered as he put his hand over the hand Gray had resting on the table.

“What?” Gray asked in confusion as he finally turned his head to look at Luke. So Gray hadn’t been hearing him. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he finally noticed the toast in front of him. A small sigh went through him as he eyed the food and then he pulled his hand free of Luke’s and ran it through his hair.

Luke was about to repeat his statement about Gray needing to see a doctor when he saw Gray pull his hand away from his head. Shock tore through Luke when he saw what Gray was holding in his hand and a silent scream of denial went through Luke’s brain as he registered what he was seeing.

Gray stared at his own hand and then let out a little laugh. He turned his hand over and let the small chunk of hair fall onto the table next to his plate and Luke couldn’t take his eyes off of it as everything clicked into place.

“Gray,” was all he could manage to get out and Gray turned his suddenly too bright eyes back on him.

“Excuse me,” Gray whispered and then he was climbing unsteadily to his feet. It took Luke several long seconds to make his own body react and then he was up and following Gray to his bedroom. He found Gray standing in front of the mirror in his bathroom, his fingers stroking over his hair. When another, smaller clump pulled free, Gray just stared at himself in the mirror for a while. And then his knees started to buckle and Luke barely managed to reach him before he hit the ground. Gray’s weight threw Luke off balance but he was able to maneuver them so that they were both on their knees, Gray’s back pressed to his front. The blanket that had been draped around Gray’s shoulders was bunched between them and Luke loosened his hold on Gray’s chest long enough to pull the blanket free and get it settled back around Gray.

He heard another dry chuckle escape Gray’s lips. “It’s true,” Gray said hoarsely. “None of it’s really real until this,” he whispered as he opened his palm to look at the lock of hair.

Luke felt tears burn his eyes as he leaned his head down so that his forehead was resting against the back of Gray’s neck. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Gray just shook his head and his whole body began to shake. Luke felt moisture hit his forearm where it was wrapped around Gray’s chest. He didn’t need to look to know that the man in his arms was crying because a harsh sob tore from Gray’s lips a moment later.

“It’s okay, Gray, I’ve got you,” Luke whispered against the back of Gray’s neck as he wrapped his other arm around Gray and held him as tightly as he could.

* * *

“What kind is it?” Luke asked as he tightened his arm around Gray’s back. If Gray thought it was strange that Luke was still holding him so closely as they were sitting on the bathroom floor with their backs against the bathtub, he didn’t say anything or pull away. And Luke hadn’t given it much thought other than that he wasn’t ready to let go of Gray yet even though his heart wrenching sobs had finally eased.

“Testicular,” Gray said quietly.

“That’s…that’s highly curable, right?”

Gray was quiet for so long that Luke felt heat flood his entire body even though they were sitting on the cold tile floor.

“It’s spread to my liver.”

Luke felt like he was going to be sick. Cancer. Gray had fucking cancer.

“My doctor is hoping the chemo will get rid of the tumors.”

Tumors? Plural?

“So that’s why you went to Missoula this week? For chemo?”

Gray nodded. “That was my second round. The first was on the day we met.”

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