Page 110 of The Finding Series: Vol. 1

“Gray, don’t you fucking dare think I believe the horseshit coming from that guy’s mouth!”

Gray looked taken aback by Luke’s words. “Is this the scandal Dane was talking about?”

“Yes and no; back then it was just the pictures. Christian’s camp never commented on them and neither did I so the press just came to the conclusion that we were having an affair. But we weren’t,” Gray quickly added. “He auditioned for the lead role a couple months back. The studio liked him for the part but my contract says I have to sign off on anyone they choose for the lead and I knew Christian wasn’t right for it – he was too young and I just wasn’t impressed by his take on the character. He showed up at my house a couple days later and begged me to reconsider but I wouldn’t. I was showing him out when he kissed me. I stopped it right away and told him to go but I guess there must have been some paparazzi following him because the pictures showed up the next day.”

“He used them to try to blackmail you, didn’t he?” Luke said.

Gray nodded. “He told me if I didn’t sign off on him for the part, he’d tell everyone I propositioned him for sex in exchange for the part. I told him to fuck off. He tried strong-arming the studio a couple weeks ago with a lawsuit but the only thing they can do at this point is call off the whole deal – they’d be out tens of millions of dollars since pre-production has already started and they’d still have to pay me whether the movies get made or not.”

“You need to make some kind of statement or something – tell them your side,” Luke argued.

Gray rose to his feet and pushed past him. “There’s no point – people are going to believe what they want to believe.”

“What does that mean?”

Gray whirled around. “Don’t you get it, Luke? I’m the bad guy and he” – Gray pointed at the laptop – “is their do-no-wrong, golden boy. I played the game and I lost. And you know the really fucked up part?” Gray bit out. “I’m still going to sell a shitload of books because of this. The studio’s going to make all the money they projected and then some and Cavelli – he’ll probably get an even better role handed to him.”

Luke shook his head. “So you’re okay with them believing the lie?”

“They’ll believe it because that’s what they want to believe. I’m on top and that means they need to knock me down a few pegs. There’s blood in the water now and nothing I say will change that. And you know what? For the first time in a really long time, I don’t give a shit. Hell, I’m almost glad because I don’t have to keep pretending anymore. All I ever wanted to do was write – the rest of this all just happened and yeah, I got sucked in. But right now, being here in this place, being here with you – this is the moment I was praying to God for while we were waiting for Dr. Klein to tell us if I was in remission or not - not my career, not some movie deal, not Cavelli keeping his mouth shut!”

A rush of emotion went through Luke and he tossed the book onto the couch and went to Gray and began rubbing his hands up and down Gray’s arms. “I love you, Gray. But I don’t want you to risk your entire career for something that won’t…”

“Last,” Gray finished for him.

“There are only two ways this can end. I prove Shaw was behind everything or Shaw finds me.”

Gray pulled free of him. “I don’t accept that! I don’t!” he shouted once more before he turned and headed towards the bedroom. Luke knew he should follow him but since he couldn’t figure out what to say to make Gray see the truth that what they had wasn’t meant to be, he snatched the car keys off the kitchen table and left the cabin.

ChapterNine

Gray heard the diesel engine cut out and the front door open but he wasn’t surprised when heavy footsteps passed his bedroom by. It had been nearly two weeks since he and Luke had made love the night after Gray’s test results had proved he was for the moment, cancer free. And not once in those two weeks had Luke spent the night in his own room. It was a sign that even now, Luke was pulling away from him – preparing him for a future Gray had no way to prevent.

Rolling onto his side, Gray tried to hold back the tears that threatened. Life really was a cruel bitch. He’d managed to beat a brutal medical diagnosis and treatment but he was going to end up losing his life anyway because he wasn’t sure he could survive in a future that didn’t include Luke. No way in hell could he go back to being the shell of the man he’d been before Luke walked into his life and changed it forever. He’d been surrounded by people, had more money than he’d known what to do with and had countless men to slake his lusts on but he’d never once managed to feel any different than the little boy who’d locked himself in his room to escape his parents’ cruel tirades and angry rants. His books had provided the escape he’d needed then and later his writing had given him the voice he hadn’t been able to find as a child but it was being with Luke that made him feel like he was exactly where he was supposed to be. Cancer could steal his health and Hollywood could take back the glory it’d bestowed on him but Luke…without Luke he was nothing.

Gray tensed when he heard his door open but he didn’t look up. His back was to Luke when he felt his mattress dip under Luke’s weight and he managed to stifle a cry of relief when he felt Luke curl up against his back. Luke’s arm wrapped around his waist and Gray reached down to pull Luke’s hand up so it was resting over his heart and he laced their fingers together.

“Sorry,” he heard Luke whisper against his neck and then soft lips were brushing over his skin.

“You can’t say shit like that to me and just expect me to be okay with it,” Gray whispered.

“Even with all the crap your career comes with-”

Gray quickly rolled over. “I’m talking about what you said about Shaw finding you – you can’t ask me to just accept your death as some fucking foregone conclusion,” he said harshly.

He expected Luke to put up some kind of argument or try to reason with him but Luke remained silent. His big fingers brushed Gray’s cheeks and the sight of moisture on the end of Luke’s thumb had Gray realizing he hadn’t managed to stem his tears.

“There’s this form that you have to fill out when you join the military – it’s for who they should notify if you don’t make it out. I put Rhys’ name down when I first filled it out but they wanted me to put down the name of someone who wasn’t actively enlisted.”

“You didn’t have anyone?” Gray guessed.

Luke shook his head. “I made up a name because I was too embarrassed to tell them there was no one else who would care if I came home or not.”

“What name did you put?”

“Elizabeth Saint.”

“Why that one?”

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