Page 70 of The Finding Series: Vol. 1

“Yesterday happened because I pushed him too hard! He was trying to please me and I got upset because I didn’t want him making decisions based on what he thought I wanted. And instead of talking to him about it I walked away!”

Cade opened his mouth to say something then promptly snapped it shut again. He went pale and began searching his pockets for his beloved cigarettes – the ones he’d given up months ago. It had always been Cade’s tell and Jax realized his friend was finally registering what he’d done.

“Where would he go?” Cade asked. “Maybe I can talk to him…”

Jax sighed and sank down into one of the chairs. “Just go home, Cade.”

“No, I can fix this…”

“He doesn’t want me. If he did he would have fought for me…for us.”

Cade sank down in the chair across from him. Cade had always been an indomitable force of nature who bulldozed his way through life and took what he wanted so it was strange to see him so dazed.

“What are you going to do?” Cade asked quietly.

“What I should have done from the beginning. My job.”

* * *

“Hey, how’s it going?” Callan asked as Dane got out of his SUV. “Rhys and Finn are still up at the house with Emma.”

Callan must have sensed Dane’s agitation because he put down the saddle he’d been about to place on his horse. “What’s going on?”

Dane paced the small barn aisle until he felt Callan’s strong hand closing over his shoulder and pressing him back against one of the stall doors. “Talk to me, Dane.”

“Did Jax tell you what happened yesterday? What I did?”

“He just said something came up and asked us to keep an eye on Emma for you for the night.” Callan’s calm voice was soothing and Dane felt himself marginally relax.

“I have a favor to ask.”

“Okay.”

“Can Emma and I stay here for a little while? In the house next to yours?”

“Of course.”

Dane waited for the inevitable questions but they didn’t come and he knew by looking at Callan that it wasn’t because he didn’t care. It was in the quiet man’s nature not to push – it was what made him so good with the abused and neglected horses he often worked with.

“How about we go for a ride?” Callan said.

Dane really wanted to see Emma but Callan had picked up on his need to get himself under control. He managed a nod and within ten minutes he was sitting on Kirby’s back, the old Pinto moving at a snail’s pace next to Callan’s mount who fidgeted nervously.

“Why did you wait so long to tell Finn you loved him?” Dane heard himself asking before he realized how inappropriate the question was. He started to apologize for even asking it but Callan cut him off.

“Because I was afraid of what I’d lose.”

“Your family?”

Callan nodded. “But it was more than that. I didn’t think Finn would love me if I abandoned my family for a life with him. And I knew I couldn’t ask him to give up his future for a half-life with me.”

“Stuck between a rock and a hard place,” Dane observed dryly.

“That’s what I thought at the time. But I realize now it was Finn’s choice to make, not mine. He loved me despite my flaws - real or imagined - and it should have been his choice whether or not he wanted to make a life with me.”

Dane fell silent as he remembered how Jax had said he’d love him no matter what he did. He tried to think back to his early years with Isaac and couldn’t remember a time where the man who would be his husband had said anything beyond ‘I love you.’ Whenever Dane had started to feel needy and insecure, Isaac had been dismissive at best – had told Dane he was being ridiculous. But Jax had called him on it and talked it out instead of brushing him off.

“Callan, I need you to do something else for me,” Dane said.

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