Page 65 of Charming Cruel Boys

Slowly, I bring my hands up to rest against his chest, feeling the erratic beat of his heart under my palm. Pulling back enough to speak against his lips, I say, “You’re mine, and I’m going to sear my touch into your body until you forget the hands of anyone else.”

Duke groans, a mixture of despair and desire tainting his voice. He tangles his fingers into my hair with one hand while the other skates down my bare stomach and dips into my panties. He’s slow and gentle, like he’s not quite sure how to do this anymore, but I’m patient, watching him closely. I moan with the first touch of my clit. I’m a tight ball of desperation at this point, liable to detonate at any second.Duke is my first love, my first kiss, my first sexual experience. I’ll never not crave him. Being without his touch this last week has been like suddenly missing a limb.

“God, yes,” I breathe, closing my eyes against the intense rush of pleasure.

He slides his fingers lower, slipping two inside me and pumping them to a teasing rhythm that has my toes curling. Unable to hold myself back, I reach for his jeans and snap the button open, greedily slipping my hand into his boxers. But the moment my fingers curl around his hard length, he freezes. Opening my eyes, I watch as a slew of emotions flash across his face. Panic, fear, shame.

Duke yanks his hand out of my panties like I’ve burned him, staring at me with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” he chokes out.

“No, it’s okay. We’ll stop.” I hold my hands up like I would with a frightened animal. But as I step forward, he steps away. Then he stumbles backward, almost losing his footing in his haste to get out of my room. I jump when he slams my door, cursing myself for rushing him and taking it too far. How I can help him? What if he never wants my touch again?

***

As I slip from my room in the early morning, I eye Duke’s bedroom door with sorrow, wishing I could go in there and snuggle away all his pain. It wasn’t that long ago that I saw a flicker of pain in Knight’s eyes and had that same urge. Never in my worst nightmares did I imagine they’d both have devastating trauma like this.

What if I’m not enough for them? I have my own baggage, my own fears. I’m scared that instead of helping, I’ll drag them down. How can three broken people come together when life keeps tormenting them? Maybe it’d be better if we all parted ways once we graduate. They could each find nice, normal girls whose mothers are still alive and whose fathers didn’t abuse them. That would be good for the guys...

I gasp when a warm hand lands on my shoulder, yanking me from my destructive thoughts. I blink to clear my vision and find Knight staring down at me with his brows dipped low over his beautiful navy eyes.

“Hi,” I whisper.

“You okay?” he asks, stepping in front of me and cupping my face.

I nod, but Knight tightens his grip, stopping my movement. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Remi. Where’d you go in your head just now?”

I drop his searing, inquisitive gaze and shrug. “I was thinking that I’m not good for the two of you,” I mumble.

“No,” he says roughly.

I snap my eyes up to his face, my mouth opening and closing. Knight wraps a hand around my throat, backing me into the wall in two easy steps.

“No, as in, you’re not to think shit like that ever again, or I’ll spank that pretty ass until it’s bright red.”

“I’m sorry.” Normally, I’d blush at the thought of him spanking me, but today, I kind of feel like dead weight.

Knight searches my face for a few seconds and growls at whatever he finds. Without a word, he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, marching me down the hallway and into his bedroom. He sets me gently on the black comforter and kneels on the floor in front of me, his hands squeezing my thighs.“What makes you think stupid things like that, baby girl?”

I shake my head, feeling overwhelmed and way too emotional. “It’s my fault that Duke was ever near Sara in the first place. And now he’s struggling so much. It kills me to see it. He freaked out last night when I touched him. I don’t know how to fix that. I don’t know how to not be hurt by his reaction to me.”

“Nothing that happened that night is your fault, Remi.Nothing. Sara could have run into Duke at school any time, whether or not you were involved. And as for Duke, he’s going to need time. He loves you. He wants you just as much as he always has. He just has to work through the shit in his mind. Trust me, I know exactly what he’s going through right now,“ he says in a low, almost ashamed voice.

I nod and chew on my thumb nail, squirming with the desire to be anywhere but under his knowing eyes right now.

“Hey,” Knight says softly, pulling my hand from my mouth. “That was all about Duke, but you said you didn’t think you were good for either of us. What are your issues with me? How do I prove to you that you’re not just good but perfect for me?”

I quirk a sad smile. “I don’t know. I just... I see you, Knight. I got a peek inside your soul once, and the agony I found stole my breath away. And ever since, even as you were ignoring me or bullying me, I’ve wanted to put you back together and keep you close. But what if I can’t? I’ve been running on autopilot for years, shutting out my feelings because my father wouldn’t stand to see me stutter. What if, once I’m far away from him, it all comes rushing back and I crack? How can I be strong for the two of you if I’m falling apart?”My bottom lip trembles and bite my cheek. What a fucking mess my life has turned out to be.

Knight pulls me down onto his lap and tucks my face into his neck, keeping me there with a hand tangled in my hair. “It’s not your job to piece me back together, you sweet, insufferable girl. My cracks run deep, and there’s no changing that, okay? I’ll always be fucked up. The only difference is that now I have you to soften my edges. You make me forget the bad days. You give me kindness and sincerity when the rest of the world looks the other way. That’s why I will never let you go. Don’t even think about setting me loose for my own sake because I’ll always come right back to you. So break, baby girl. Crack wide open and feel everything your father has done to you because I’m right here. I’ll hold you together.”

I sniffle, trying to bite back tears. There he goes again, flipping a switch and being so fucking sweet and protective. I adore this side of him. I love it. Dammit, I love him.

Knight pulls back enough to look at me, as if he’s read my mind. “I’ve loved you for years, Remi.Years. I’m sorry for being a dick for so long. I mean, I’ll always be a dick, but I really treated you badly. But now I have you and I’ll be on my best behavior. Forgive me?“he asks with a charming smile that looks so much like an expression Duke wears. Knight’s usually much more flirtatious and wicked.

Narrowing my eyes, I wipe away my tears and sit straighter in his lap. “No. You were awful to me.”His face falls, and a heavy resignation sweeps over his features.He nods easily like he expected me to turn him away. I’m quick to put him out of his misery. “But,” I say softly. “For some damn reason, I fell in love with you anyway, so I’m giving you the chance to make it up to me.”

A breathtaking smile stretches across Knight’s face, and he kisses me desperately. Pulling away, he says, “I have a lot of time to spend with you to prove myself. I’m not going anywhere, no matter how much you doubt us.”He kisses me again, slower this time, and it feels like he’s flaying open my soul and merging it with his. With a few strokes of his tongue, all my worries fade, and I feel myself strengthen again. Fuck feeling unworthy of these guys. They’re mine and I will not give up that easily.

44

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