Page 37 of Charming Cruel Boys

I clear my throat, feeling all kinds of awkward as I pull out my math stuff and set it all out.“Okay,” I start, trailing off when I meet Knight’s eyes. They’re full of painful longing and regret. Then he blinks and it’s gone, and I wonder if I imagined it. He stares at me for a tense minute and I stare right back. He’s been silently watching me since he sat on my bed, and it makes my skin crawl. I want to throw my damn textbook at him and demand... Well, I don’t know. Demand answers for why he’s always so mean, why he made me feel special for one night before taking it away, why he looks at me sometimes like he can barely stand the distance between us. And most of all, when he kisses me, why it feels like my heart goes up in flames and my soul is reborn in the ashes.

If what we have means nothing, then I wouldn’t feel that way, right?

But I don’t say any of that because apparently I’m feeling cowardly today.

“I’m having a lot of trouble with derivatives. Um, and limits, sometimes. But I’m good with graphs and integrals,” I say weakly, flipping through the pages of my textbook so I don’t have to look at him.

“Yeah, well, you already know what I’m shitty at. Not that I’m that great at the other stuff either. This is stupid, you putting your faith in me. What if I teach you everything wrong and your dad loses his mind again? You should just get a tutor.” Knight sighs, raking his hands through his long hair and closing his textbook.

I shrug helplessly. “Even if I could keep that a secret from my dad, if I got a tutor, who would help you?”

Knight snaps his head toward me. “Why would you give a fuck if I fail or not?”

I give a self-deprecating laugh, trying not to roll my eyes at my damn self. “Believe it or not, I care. No matter how many times you cut me down or push me away or flat-out ignore me, Istillcare. I want you to pass your classes and get a football scholarship and follow your dreams. Maybe then you won’t be such a miserable dick.”

Knight tenses his jaw, staring at me like he could strangle me right now and enjoy it quite a lot. After a tense silence, he nods stiffly and scoots back until he’s leaning against my white headboard. “The floor can’t be comfortable, Remi. There’s plenty of room up here. Come sit with me so we can actually work together on this shit,”he grumbles.

I hesitate, looking at my queen-sized bed and wondering how close istoo closewhen it comes to Knight. We don’t have a very good track record, after all. One minute we’re trading insults, and the next, his tongue is in my mouth.Shaking my head, I offer a tight smile. “I’m fine here. Thanks, though.”

“Scared I might fuck you so good you’ll never recover?” he jokes. Or I think he’s joking.

“More like I’m worried I’ll catch some venereal disease if I share my bed with you,” I bite back.

Knight smirks, and it’s the most annoying thing in the world. “Nah, I always wrap it. As much as they beg to fuck me bare, even I have standards. Too bad you don’t meet any of them.”

I slam my textbook onto the floor and glare at him, grinding my teeth until my jaw hurts. “Youcame tomefor this study session bullshit. If you can’t shut your mouth and focus on school work, then you can leave. Like you said, I could always just get a tutor.”

“Aw, but I thought you were worried about my grades? Don’t want to help me anymore just because I said I wouldn’t fuck you? What are you, desperate? Has Duke screwed you yet or is he avoiding your pussy as long as possible since he knows how subpar it is?” he drawls with a cruel smile.

I take a deep breath and steel my spine, refusing to meet his eyes. I’m not going to lower myself to his level.I’m better than this, I repeat in my mind until the red haze over my vision starts to recede. Knight is nothing but a bully who gets his kicks by torturing me. The more I react, the more he’ll push, and I’m worried he’ll actually break me.

“Knight, you are really testing my patience. I don’t know what I did that made you hate me so damn much, but let’s make a deal. When we’re doing these study sessions, we keep it strictly about math. No insults or arguments or anything else that’ll waste our time. If you can’t agree, then get the fuck out and don’t come back,” I say calmly, finally meeting his gaze with a challenge.

Knight narrows his eyes but nods. “Fine.”

We finally get to work, doing practice equations, trading our worksheets to check each other’s answers, and offering solutions when the other is stuck. It’s a pleasant hour or so, with minimal conversation.As long as Knight is quiet, I can almost forget how much he enrages me.

When we finish up, he grabs his things and stands, stretching and flashing a sliver of his toned stomach. I flick my eyes away as soon as I see skin because I’m not down to get verbally destroyed if he catches me looking. I slowly pack up my school work into my backpack as I wait for him to leave. He clears his throat at my door and I turn to look at him.

“Thanks for the help,” he says softly.

My jaw drops and I have to snap it closed before I look like an idiot. Did Knight really just thank me or am I hallucinating? He’s just standing there, looking down at me on the floor, wearing this solemn expression that gives me chills. “Um, yeah. You too. We might have a chance at getting a decent grade if we can stop fighting.”

Knight turns to leave, hesitates, and then sighs. Looking at me once more, he asks, “If you don’t get an A, you really think your dad will hit you again?”

I swallow down my rising panic at the thought. The truth is, I have no idea what might set my father off these days. When I was little, it was things like not cleaning up after myself around the house, not being the picture of a perfect, polite daughter out in public. The older I’ve gotten, the harsher he’s become. Now… I’m actually scared of him. Of how far any little mistake of mine might push him. “Or worse. I don’t really know. He’s never been so bad before,” I finally answer.

Knight clenches his jaw as he stares at his hand wrapped around the doorknob. “If you could get away from him, where would you go?”

I suck in a breath, surprised at his sudden curiosity but wary of giving him ammo for the next time he wants to attack me. “Anywhere. If I got the chance and I didn’t think he’d hunt me down, I’d run.”

“Right… Run far and never look back, Remi,” he mumbles before leaving and quietly closing my door behind him.

Once he’s gone, I look at all the travel photos I have pinned to my wall. Germany, Cuba, Egypt, and tons of others. The second I graduate, I’m gone. I’ll visit every place on my wall and then find a big city that I can settle into, where I can drift into the masses and never be found.

With that thought throbbing in my mind, I pull out all of my school work again and get started on assignments for the next few weeks. I have to have the grades to get into a good college, and I’ve been getting too distracted lately with the guys around.

I need to refocus my efforts and double down while I can still taste my dreams.

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