Page 58 of Charming Cruel Boys

Knight steps forward cautiously, this sad hue in his eyes that I haven’t seen since Dad had just died. “Yeah, man. You scared the shit out of us. Mom wanted to take you to the emergency room, but Charles refused,” he says through gritted teeth. He offers me the bottled water in his hand. I take it and drink the entire thing without taking a breath. Fuck, I was thirsty.

I sit on the edge of the bed and stare at the wall as Remi and Knight just sort of watch me. There’s this awful feeling crushing my chest. The more I think, the longer I sit in silence, the clearer that party becomes in my mind. Sawyer looking pale as he gives me a drink. My heavy feet stumbling up the stairs. Hands running down my chest and abs…

I stand up and shove past Remi, feeling like a fucking piece of work for the hurt expression she gives me. “I’m gonna shower,” I call out over my shoulder as I race to the bathroom. Remi calls my name but Knight must grab her because she doesn’t follow me.

Slamming the door behind myself, I turn the shower on and let it run as I press my back against the wall. My breathing is uneven and my chest aches. More memories filter in and I drop to my knees. Sara whispering in my ear. Remi screaming. Knight promising that I’m going to be alright. I curl over the toilet and vomit, tears stinging my eyes as everything clicks into place. I puke until I’m weak and shaking. Then I carry myself into the burning hot water of the shower and sit on the tiled floor. I lose track of time in there. I don’t come out until the water’s run cold and I’m covered in goosebumps.

***

Hours later, I’ve dragged myself to the kitchen with Knight after the third time he checked on me and told me to eat. Remi’s apparently been sleeping all day now that she knows I’m alright. Knight told me she sat by my side all night, wide awake and trying not to cry as she watched over me. My poor, sweet girl.

My brother and I trudge down the stairs and into the large kitchen, and my stomach rolls again. The thought of putting anything into my body right now is highly unpleasant. But Knight’s right. I need to eat. My last meal was Friday night before the party.

I sit down at the island while he rummages through the fridge, bitching under his breath. He turns to me with an angry, apologetic look. “Nothing’s made and I don’t know how to cook for shit. Last time I tried, I ruined the whole thing. I can order pizza?”

I huff out a small laugh, trying to act normal. “Sure,” I agree.

He nods and pulls his phone out of his pocket as Mom walks in. We all freeze. She came by my room to check on me so many times today that I had to lock my door just to get some breathing space. Her cheeks are red and splotchy and her eyes are tear-swollen. She smiles at us as she walks closer and leans her elbows on the island counter. “Hi, boys. Hungry?” Her voice is soft and caring, but somehow still rough, giving away how much she’s been crying. I hate it. It makes me feel like shit. My mom’s been through too much in life, losing Dad and then Knight starting to drink and party so much afterward. I don’t want to be another source of stress for her.

Knight nods and sits next to me at the island, yanking his hair up into a bun with a thankful smile. “Yeah, starved.” They share a look that I don’t appreciate. It’s clearly about me. She gets to work digging ingredients out and setting everything on the counter. Knight snorts when she ties a frilly apron on, bright red cherries covering the white fabric. “What the hell is this? You go from burning everything you touch to being super chef?”

Mom quirks an eyebrow and smiles teasingly, although it doesn’t reach her eyes. She’s trying to be strong for me. Or maybe she’s just cried out right now. “I’m not super chef, but Remi has been teaching me some recipes. I’m gonna whip you guys up some garlic buttered chicken and rice.”

I whistle appreciatively and Knight groans. “Sounds good, Mom,” we say at the exact same time before giving each other flat stares. Some twins do thattalking at the same timeshit. We don’t. We hate it.

Mom gets dinner cooking, giving me long, worried glances in between chopping veggies and stirring rice. Knight fills the room with casual conversation, mostly one-sided. He mentions the few colleges he’s interested in, the ones with the best football programs. I don’t say a word, but I know he’s also checked every single one of those schools to make sure they had top-notch Business and English programs too. I caught him flipping through brochures one night a couple of weeks ago. He had circled the classes Remi needs, tossing out all the options that didn’t work for both of them. He’s such a fucking sap for that girl.

When Mom sets out plates for Knight and I, she stands across the island from us and smiles tightly, wiping her palms down her apron. I can’t take a second longer of that broken expression. “I’m fine, Mom. Please stop staring at me like I’m going to fall apart any second,” I say as gently as possible, giving her my puppy dog eyes that always work on Remi. Mom’s a bit more immune to my charms, but she humors me.

“Alright, okay. I’m sorry, honey. I can’t help it that I’m worried about you, but I’ll give you some space.” She walks around the island and presses a kiss to my forehead before doing the same to Knight. I accept mine. Knight tries to dodge his.Asshole. Before she leaves, Mom turns to me one more time, knitting her fingers together as she frowns. “I’ll be taking some time off work. A week or two, depending… Please come to me if you need anything, Duke.” Then with watering eyes, she excuses herself.

There’s a tense moment as my brother and I sit in silence, eating the surprisingly delicious food.I knew Remi was a good cook, but I thought for sure Mom would be unteachable. Finally, I sigh. “I don’t want everybody walking on eggshells around me, man. You can cut the concerned brother shit and go back to being a dick to me. You’re not going to send me into a mental breakdown or anything.”

Knight snorts, putting his fork down and giving me an incredulous look. “I’m notnotbeing a dick. I’m taking a breather. You’re not the only one who had a rough weekend. Maybe I’m just tired and fed up with everything. Maybe I’m so worried about Remi that it makes me fucking sick. Maybe… Okay, fuck it. Maybe I’malsoworried about you. So what? Give me a damn break.”

I slump over, pushing my empty plate away and resting my elbows on the counter. Blowing out a heavy breath, I nod. “Well, I’m fine. But Remi might need some coddling for a while. I’m happy to do it, but maybe you’d like to try patching things up with her? This would be a good place to start.”

Knight eyes me carefully, sitting stiff like he’s prepared for an attack. I guess we’ll all be on edge after what happened. “I can do that,” he says easily. He stands, grabs our plates, and loads them into the dishwasher. “Just don’t pull back from her,” he add quietly when he finishes. I look up from my hands on my lap and meet his pleading gaze. “She loves you. You guys need each other... I get that you’ll struggle with, you know, with Sara and everything, but don’t let it hurt your relationship with Remi.”

I chew on the inside of my cheek, guilt and disgust ramming me from all sides. I’ve hardly seen or spoken to Remi since I woke up. She was drugged too. She’s a victim too. And I’ve barely made the time to even check in on her. I give Knight a tight smile, drumming my fingers against my thigh. “Yeah, I’ll try.”

Knight purses his lips, opens them, and then snaps them shut again. He starts the dishwasher, chugs a glass of water and then starts to head out of the kitchen. “This heart-to-heart shit is gross. G’night, fucker,” he says as he passes by, flipping me off.

“See you in the morning, asshole,” I answer, feeling the tiniest trace of a genuine smile. That was totally amoment. Knight and I might be okay one day.

***

After tossing and turning in the dark for hours, trying to ward off phantom hands, I give up. I need something that’s not in my bedroom.Someonethat’s not in my bedroom.

I slip out of bed and down the hallway, stopping in front of Remi’s room and trying to ignore the rapid beat of my heart. It’s fucking ridiculous. It’s Remi. My sweet, loving, gentle girl.I’m fine. Blowing out a breath, I push her door open and sneak in. I didn’t check the time, but it’s gotta be well after midnight. The house is asleep. Well, all except me.

I don’t wake her as I get under the covers, inhaling her floral perfume, the slightest bit of calm washing over me. Scooting close, I tentatively wrap an arm around her waist, holding my breath as the warmth of her skin triggers the touch of someone else. But I push myself to lay still and hold her. The minutes tick by in the dark until eventually my panic subsides and I feel my eyelids grow heavy.

As I’m finally drifting off, Remi turns over and startles when she hits her forehead against my chest. She yelps and blinks through the moonlight several times before exhaling heavily. “Holy crap, Duke. You scared me.”

“Sorry, baby,” I whisper, pushing some wayward brown locks away from her face. “I just wanted to check on you and be close.”

Remi squints up at me, furrowing her brows. “Are you really okay?” she asks quietly, studying my face with careful intensity.

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