Page 9 of Beautiful Revenge

I can feel his penis against me. I should be afraid, but I’m not. I don’t think Devon and Dylan would ever hurt me like the others. They’re kind, and if anyone says they love me and could make me believe it, it’s them.

“Because I’m dark,” I whisper, closing my eyes against the pain inside of me.

It’s not even the physical pain that hurts the most anymore. It’s the pain inside of me that I can’t let out. The blackness that overtakes my every thought and feeling and makes me lash out. The same blackness that will eventually make me lose these two loving souls that mean more to me than life itself.

“What do you mean?” Dyl asks from behind me, and I lean into him.

I can feel a difference between them and the other people in my life. I think that’s probably the love they’re talking about. At least, I hope it is. There’s a safety around them I can’t find anywhere else, and that means a lot to me. It has to count for something.

“There’s no light in my life, Dyl. I live in darkness, and I feel all of these… things. I can’t explain them.” I shake my head, wishing I could find a way to describe the monster that’s growing within me.

“I think you’re wrong, princess.” Dev leans into me, giving me a whisper of a kiss that takes my breath away.

I don’t know what to do with that. I’ve only ever seen them on tv, but I think I liked it. Maybe.

“Dev?” I ask, and he sighs.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I just—I just need you to see yourself the way we see you,” he whispers, and I frown.

“Why shouldn’t you have done that?” I question, really not understanding.

Dylan turns my head to look at him before he does the same thing, gently running his lips over mine. Their attention giving me goosebumps.

“Because you’re only twelve, Brie,” he says, like it explains everything, but it doesn’t. Not to me.

“But you love me,” I point out, and they both chuckle.

“Yes, we do. You believe in love now?” Devon asks me, smiling.

“I believe that you two are different, and that you make me feel safe. Is that love?” I ask, wishing life was simpler than what it is.

“It is. If we make you feel safe, then that’s awesome,” Dylan says, kissing my head.

“But you can’t kiss me because I’m twelve?” I ask, and they both nod against me. “That’s stupid.”

Devon laughs, shaking his head. “My sassy princess. There she is,” he whispers. “You know what else is proof that you love someone?” he asks, and I shake my head.

“No. What? Wait! Are you talking about you guys being hard for me?” I ask, then break into sobs.

Darn it! Why did I say that?! Now they’re going to want to know how I know about that, and I’m not ready to tell them. They’ll see me differently. Right?

“Oh, God,” Dylan groans, and Devon freezes.

“Uh, that’s uh, no. We aren’t having that conversation,” Devon says in that stern voice of his.

“Then what else shows love?” I ask, and they both relax now that we’ve moved on from that other topic. I hope we have, because they will ask too many questions I refuse to answer right now.

“We’d do anything to protect you, Briar. Anything. That is love,” Dylan says for him, and Devon nods in agreement.

“Exactly.”

Love is safety and protection. Maybe love is real after all, but it’s only real with them.

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