Page 37 of Seduction

The ghosts of my past are banging against the inside of my skull, screaming echoes of shit I’ve long tried to forget.

So many fucking hands touching me, beating me to a bloody pulp and taking shit I wasn’t willing to give.

I was a fucking kid.

While I’ve never been with someone in the way that my brothers are with Haliee, it didn’t stop my parents from forcing shit on me.

The needles digging into my skin, drugging me to stay calm and compliant while they beat the shit out of me. The chains rattling off the cold basement walls when they would lock me down there for days on end with nothing but a loaf of bread and some water so I didn’t die.

My mother’s manic laughter at watching me sit in my own filth, crying for someone to please help me.

I drop down on the floor, curling into a ball.

Seeing Haliee so blissed out in ecstasy triggered this episode, reminding me why I hate being fucking touched, but also why I want more than anything to get over this fear.

Holding her while she slept was the first step, but that was to prevent her screams from the nightmares. The screams that would have triggered my own living nightmares that I’ve long tried to forget.

I’m not so sure I will ever be able to bring her to a screaming orgasm like that without triggering my own childhood traumas. Even though I know her screams were those of pleasure, it still triggered the memory of screaming and crying until my voice was raw and gone.

The only thing I feel I’m good for in this life, is watching. Hidden in the shadows and struggling to find a life worth living.

Sometimes I wonder if the drugs injected into me at such a young and tender age left me half fucking braindead. I talk slower than most people do, but I’m not stupid in the slightest. I’m smarter than most people would ever guess, and I see everything. I remember every fucking thing.

I wish I could say that my brothers know exactly what happened to me, but they only know the parts I’ve been able to voice. They don’t know about my being locked in a cold and dark basement, or the screaming and drugs.

They don’t know I sat in my own filth for days for my parents’ disgusting pleasure.

I can’t bring myself to voice any of those things to them, but for the first time ever, I want to tell someone.

I want to tell HalieewhyI have such a hard time with touching and pray she will still accept me and be patient with me…but I also don’t want to destroy her.

She already knows Cord and Ollie’s stories. She loves and accepts them for who they are. I’m sure she’d do the same for me if I could gather the courage to tell her.

I curl in tighter on myself and try to get my raging head on board with a better plan than this.

Ollie filled us all in on Amber's bitch ass going to the shop a couple of times, but there’s no proof of the letters on camera. We need to catch her doing something to prove she’s working with Daniels and Dimitri before we can make our move, and that’s something I can do.

I pick myself up and head to my closet. Black everything greets me in a warm embrace, beckoning me to join the night in their comfort. To ease into the shadows that openly welcome me as if I were one of them.

Snatching out a fresh hoodie and my warmest puffer, I head towards the back of my closet and smile a bit when I see my Glock tucked in nice and neat in its safe.

Pulling it out and examining it, I make a promise to myself, and a silent one to the Angel sharing our space.

Never again will harm befall you.

What others seem to mistake about me, is thinking that I’m all brute strength with no other assets. What they don’t know is my lethal accuracy with weapons.

I spin on my heels and sneak out my window into the night. If Amber’s involved in Brent’s kidnapping? Well, let’s just say I will find out, no matter how long it takes me to do so.

One Week Later…

Haliee

“Creed and Ollie are on their way to pick you up,” Lukas says beside me, and I furrow my brow.

“Why?” I ask, and he smirks at me. Fuck, why is he so handsome and adorable?

“It’s a surprise, and I don’t feel like dealing with Creed’s whiny ass if I tell you.” He’s so calm, I know it’s nothing bad, but seriously? I hate waiting.

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