Page 66 of Sorry I Missed You

Jack gave me an encouraging smile and pressed the button again and we walked together into the ward, which felt much better than having to do it on my own.

‘If it all gets too much and you need to leave, let me know, OK?’ he said.

I nodded, concentrating on taking deep breaths in and long, slow breaths out.

There were rooms leading off to either side of the corridor, each with several beds in. The hum of subdued conversation and the beeping of equipment and the serious-looking gaggle of nurses poring over someone’s notes almost finished me off.

‘OK?’ asked Jack, looking concerned.

I gave him a thumbs-up, seemingly not able to summon the energy required to speak. Some visitor I was going to be – I was hardly going to cheer Clive up behaving like this.

‘Through here,’ said Jack, putting his hand on the small of my back to guide me into the last room on the left.

I surveyed the scene. An empty bed to my right, a lady watching an ancient TV opposite her. In the far corner was an old man in proper old-fashioned pyjamas with a woman sitting by his bed holding his hand. Clive was in the opposite corner.

I lagged a few steps behind Jack, summoning my resolve. I wouldn’t have to stay long. I wanted Clive to know I cared, that was all. And then I could leave and go and have a shower and try to erase all thoughts of hospitals from my mind.

‘Clive, mate,’ said Jack, pulling up two chairs. ‘Look who’s come to see you.’

Clive, who was propped up on several pillows, turned his head to look at me. I was glad to note he looked a hundred times better than the last time I’d seen him.

I went closer to the bed and gave him an awkward kiss on the cheek. Mind you, it was hard not to be awkward when I was worried about dislodging a canula or another vital piece of equipment. There were wires everywhere. A heart monitor flashed red at the end of his bed. If I were him, I’d be looking at it constantly, wondering why some peaks were higher than others, worrying that it would go flat again.

‘Hey, Clive. How are you feeling?’ I asked him, perching gingerly on the edge of a plastic grey chair.

‘Alive, thanks to you,’ said Clive, taking my hand. I noticed how bony his was and wondered whether it would always have felt this fragile in mine, even before the accident.

‘I didn’t really do anything,’ I replied, embarrassed.

‘You were the one who called for help, weren’t you?’ said Jack. ‘Called the ambulance, all that?’

‘I’d be dead if it wasn’t for the both of you,’ said Clive, patting my hand with his free hand. ‘I will never be able to thank you enough.’

I glanced at Jack.

‘I’m just glad I could help,’ I said, squeezing Clive’s hand. ‘And that you’re on the road to recovery. You were right when you told me you’re stronger than you look.’

Clive laughed, although it was a more subdued version of his usual, hearty one.

‘So how are you coping in here?’ I asked him, keen to do my visitor’s duty so that I could make my excuses and go.

He grumbled. ‘They say I can’t get out of here any time soon. I’m stuck here and I don’t seem to have any say in the matter.’

‘Well you need to make sure you’re completely better,’ I said. ‘That was quite a major accident you had there. Your body needs time to recover, doesn’t it?’

I flinched as a machine beeped and a flurry of nurses came rushing over to the man opposite.

‘What’s happening?’ I asked, turning to Jack for reassurance, trying to sound less anxious than I felt.

One of the nurses whipped the curtains closed so we couldn’t see what was going on.

‘Second time today that’s happened,’ said Clive.

‘Seriously?’ I said, shocked.

Was that what it was like in here? At any given moment, someone in the next bed, who hours earlier had been sipping tea and doing a word search, could cark it right in front of you?

‘We’re in a hospital, my dear,’ replied Clive. ‘Anything could happen.’

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