Page 23 of Fortress of the Heart

As if a comment like that would even annoy me, some of my closest friends are gay, and they are some of the best-dressed, best-styled men in the country.

So fuck you, Russian Princess.

I suddenly feel more tired than ever before but satisfied I locked the crazy bitch in her room.

I’m sure she’ll have calmed down by the morning, but I don’t relish the idea of being the one to open that door back up again.

Maybe I’ll send Rocco, since she thinks he’s cute and all.

I scoff.

If she really knew Rocco, or me, for that matter, she’d run as fast as her legs could carry her, and she’d never come back.

* * *

I wake up in a night terror. The sheets are soaked as I sit up in bed and try to work out where I am.

I don’t like being at Fortress. I rarely sleep anywhere else except my home. I don’t even like hotel rooms. I’m a man that needs my own bed, what can I say.

I run a hand through my hair and then down my face.

I always have bad dreams when I’m overtired.

It’s been a big week, and with the casino almost ready to roll, I’ve more to do than ever.

I have to go into the office tomorrow; there are no two ways about it. If Angelo wants me to babysit Katiya, then he’d better hire a full-time nanny, because she doesn’t come before my business affairs. Nobody does.

You could say I’m a workaholic. After Lisa, I threw myself into projects that I knew would take months, if not years, to complete. That way, I would be occupied and not spiral when I think about all that I’ve lost.

Angelo was right when he said not so long ago that it’s been five years. It’s time.

The trouble is, how do I ever forget what could’ve been? If not with her, then with my unborn child. Some things you just can’t come back from.

Maybe I am still bitter, and maybe I always will be, but I was pretty willing to raise the child myself.

Angelo and I are close not just because we’re brothers, but he also suffered an indescribable loss; his first wife and unborn child were killed in a car accident.

However, I refuse to put Lisa in that same category because she chose to leave and abort our baby without even discussing it with me. It’s not nearly the same thing.

I have different women all the time—none numb the pain.

It’s been the same for years. The one time I even tried to have a normal relationship, and look what happened.

Mario used to say we’re all cursed in this business because of what we do. He was happily married to his wife Gloria for decades until illness took her down. They both lived through the heartbreak of losing their son Roberto in a shooting, and neither was ever quite the same. So maybe he is right, maybe we all are cursed in one way or another.

We all suffered at such a young age when my Pa was gunned down. It sticks with you forever and begs the question that I almost fear to ask …almost.

Do we deserve to be happy?

Some say we try to play God. I don’t see it that way at all.

We are only ruthless in business, and those who cross us fare far worse than the scum that try to bring our city down. We’ve worked long and hard to wheedle out illegal gambling and prostitution. If people want to call that playing God, then so be it. It doesn’t change anything.

Maybe that’s why I love my castle so much. I can almost shut the world away when I’m there, and I get to be someone else when I'm at home.

Just the thought of being there is a welcome one. Though, I’m not looking forward to little Miss Russian Princess killing the vibe at my abode.

Angelo has some fucking nerve expecting me to take charge over watching her. I have a million better things I’d rather be doing. Andwillbe doing.

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