Page 39 of The Lost Girls of Willowbrook

“I know. But that’s because force is the only way he knows how to maintain control. It’s the same with a lot of the attendants here. They never had training. They weren’t taught any different. And you know how bad it can get. Some of the residents would kill each other if the attendants let them.”

“Why does it sound like you’re defending him?”

“I’m not. But you need to know what you’re up against. There aren’t enough staff to go around, so the attendants end up taking care of way more residents than they’re supposed to. That’s why Wayne’s supervising this dayroom. The attendant here is supposed to be female, but the people in charge have to work with what they’ve got. And it’s not much, believe me.”

Sage wanted to tell him that she knew what she was up against, that the dead weight of fear and despair she carried every second of every day in Willowbrook made her bones heavy as lead, but she didn’t want to waste time talking about herself. Then she remembered something.

“Norma said Wayne always gives her Pixy Stix when they go in there. She hides them in the supply room.”

“Pixy Stix?”

She nodded. “They’re in a cloth bag hanging up with the straitjackets. Go over there and see for yourself.”

“Shit,” he said. She could tell by the look on his face that he believed her now—about Wayne taking Norma into the hidden room, anyway. There was no way to prove he’d taken Rosemary there, too.

“Now you know why I think Wayne might have had something to do with Rosemary’s disappearance,” she said. “But I can’t do anything about it if I’m locked up in here. Will you help me get out?”

He gaped at her. “How am I supposed to do that?”

“You’re a janitor. You must have all kinds of keys.”

“I have some keys, but not all of them. And moving someone aroundinsidethe building is easier than taking someoneoutof it. In case you haven’t noticed, the main exits are guarded and locked. And there’s a guard at the main gate too.”

Shit.Apparently Norma was telling the truth about the keys too. “Did Wayne ever say anything to you about Rosemary disappearing?”

He shook his head. “Not much. He just wondered where she went, like everyone else.”

“Did Rosemary ever say anything to you about him?”

“Not really, nothing in particular. But I know she was scared of him.”

“How do you know?”

“That was one of the few things she did mention. And I could tell. She acted different when he wasn’t around, more at ease.”

“I don’t blame her. I’m scared of him too. He said he’s still going to make time for me, whatever that means.”

He wrinkled his forehead. “Did he act surprised when he first saw you? Wouldn’t he have freaked out if he had anything to do with Rosemary’s disappearance?”

“He acted surprised, but not really shocked. And I was thinking, what if heknowsI’m not Rosemary? What if he just isn’t saying anything because he wants everyoneelseto keep thinking I’m her?”

“How would he know? And why would he want that?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, but I keep thinking . . . maybe he knows Ican’tbe her because he has her locked up somewhere. But as long as everyone else thinks I’m her, they won’t realize she’s still missing. It would make sense, wouldn’t it?”

“Jesus,” Eddie said. “I didn’t think of that.”

“Will you ask him if he knows who I am?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, for a whole lot of reasons.”

“Why not? I thought you were friends.”

He let out a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, right. I just told you, I only talk to him so I can stay on his good side. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about working here, it’s that there’s a pecking order. And the cleanup crew, that’s me, is at the bottom. No one trusts anyone else. The attendants don’t trust the nurses because the nurses answer to administration. And the nurses don’t trust the attendants because administration will hire anybody who can stand upright and talk in complete sentences. We’ve got ex-cons working here, and most of the doctors are a joke. Normal hospitals won’t hire them. Did you notice the doctors and nurses don’t touch the residents? They have the staff bring them in to be seen, then make the staff hold them and move them around so they don’t have to get close to them because they’re afraid of getting hurt or catching disease. And don’t even get me started on the criminally insane who get dumped here. Sometimes it seems like the only difference between the residents and the staff is that the staff have keys. So I just stay out of the way and try to get along with everyone.”

Something cold and hard twisted in her stomach. Ex-criminals? Bad doctors? Criminally insane residents? That wasn’t what she wanted to hear. She thought about asking him why the hell he’d continue to work there, but that wasn’t important right now. Then she remembered the track marks on Wayne’s arms. “Did you know Wayne’s a drug addict?”

“Yeah. So’s half the rest of the staff. Sometimes I think using is the only way they can cope with working here. Most people don’t last long. We lose at least a dozen every month.”

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