Page 65 of Disgraced (Russian Sinners 3)

Sergei

Anja was packing. Another hour and we’d all go our own separate ways. Dimitry was angry with me. He didn’t even want to be in the same room with me. Not that I could blame him. I wasn’t even sure how to fix it.

I just knew that I didn’t want to lose either one of my brothers. Nor Scarlett. After her call with Anastasia, there was no more pretending. She’d know I was her intended husband and I kept it from her the whole time. So much for my wooing plan. In retrospect, it wasn’t that bright but fuck it. It was done now.

“Sergei,” Nikolai’s voice had me raising my head. I wasn’t in the best shape after being shot but recovery was going well. Anja had cleaned my wounds and patched me up one more time. She also pumped me full of medication so I’d feel less pain. She was truly a good woman.

“Brother,” I replied in Russian. Would I still be allowed to call him my brother? Would they tell me they were finally done with me? I really had to get a grip on myself. If I wanted a future, a good life with Scarlett, I had to set all this shit right.

Nikolai’s hand came to my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

I scoffed. “I’m surprised you don’t want to kill me,” I muttered, sticking to Russian. I didn’t need Anja witnessing my downfall further. “I’m just waiting for Dimitry to pull the trigger.”

“No matter what, you are still our brother.” Nikolai’s words had me raising my head to meet his eyes. I wasn’t sure that I believed that. He sat opposite of me and cranked his neck. He was tired. Fuck, all three of us were tired. Tired of this life, tired of bloodshed, constantly trying to stay alive. “Dimitry is steaming but he’ll cool off. I want to know if you are okay.”

My gaze went over his scar. The memory from that day was still fresh in my mind. Boris slashed Nikolai’s face, in one of his moments of rage. Just because Nikolai refused to hurt an innocent man. There was so much blood when Dimitry and I came back from an assignment, but none of it compared to what was left after Dimitry’s wrath. He went into a crazed attack, and at the end, all the men that were in that room when Nikolai was given that scar were dead. Except for Boris.

He was a paranoid, mad lunatic for as long as I could remember. It wasn’t as easy to get to him but we put him away. He ruled with his emotions, not a clear head. That was my biggest fear; to become like my father.

Ironically, a month or so after Boris gave Nikolai that scar, I found out the name of my father and mother. Fuck, I wanted to tell Nikolai and Dimitry everything. How I desperately searched for my parents, only to find out that a man that tortured my brothers was my father. It shamed me to know that he was my father. He gave my brothers and I nothing but pain and brutality. There was so much shit that happened in our lives and most of it was because of Boris.

“Yes, brother,” I finally said. “I’ll be okay.” Two deep breaths and I continued, “I don’t want to lose you and Dimitry.”

Nikolai watched me and just like when I was a kid, I felt he could see it all... my fear, my shame, my dreams I had no business wishing for, everything.

“You will never lose us, Sergei,” he replied in Russian. “We are brothers, for better or worse. But you have to finally accept that you are good enough.”

He stood up and gently squeezed my shoulder. Fuck, now Nikolai was acting like my brother and my father.

* * *

We were less than thirty minutes from my St. Petersburg house, and I couldn’t wait to finally lay eyes on Scarlett. It felt like I hadn’t seen her in years. Anastasia’s words kept ringing in my ears. She said Scarlett would never forgive me for the betrayal.

Did I go too far?

I knew my brothers were disappointed. Nothing had gone according to plan, but it served me right. What a clusterfuck!

It was almost nine o’clock in the evening. It had been a long drive since we left Dimitry and Anastasia. What was supposed to be a nine-hour drive, ended up being much longer due to stops we made. And Andrey insisted on cleaning out my bandages.

As the city lights of St. Petersburg shone in the distance, I hated to admit that I was nervous. I killed numerous men, saw some fucked up shit, but I was nervous of Scarlett’s reaction. Did she care about me enough to give us a chance?

There was no doubt in my mind that she now realized who kidnapped her and who her future husband was. After all, Michail told her it was a kidnapping by her intended husband, he just never mentioned my name. But after Anastasia’s call, everything finally came out. It felt better having all the lies and deception out, I just wished she found out in a different way.

I leaned my head against the headrest of the backseat. I took the medication as Anja instructed but I haven’t been able to rest during the drive. Andrey, Nikolai’s man, kept nagging me to get some shut eye but who in the hell could sleep now. I scratched my face, the scruff of a beard there. I hadn’t shaved in two days now.

My phone buzzed and I read Michail’s message. *Scarlett is acting edgy.*

Yeah, no shit! She was probably contemplating how to kill me.

*Just nerves,*I texted him back.

I glanced out the window and St. Petersburg’s buildings rose all around us. I didn’t particularly care about Moscow and no matter where I was, there was always a reminder of the past, crimes, and poverty we went through. But here, in this city, I’d forget the slums we came from, the men we killed, the food we stole to survive. I didn’t like those reminders.

We pulled up to the gate of my compound and the guards let us right in, seeing us. Scarlett shouldn’t affect me as much as she did. She’d become my wife, either way. Her father had a debt to repay and word to keep. We’d hash it out.

Although it might take months or years,I thought wryly.

The car pulled up at the house, and Andrey quickly came around to help. I hated that I needed help but it would be another few days before I was back to normal.

---