I looked at him in panic and then scanned the room for another exit… memories of Jack flooding back to the forefront of my mind. I trusted Kristoff to keep his word on maintaining his distance and explaining himself. But how many times did I trust Jack like that? I should have learned from those lessons and now he’s locked me in with no help in sight!
“It’s ok Gemma,” he said gently, noting my panic. “I just don’t want us to get interrupted. I’ll leave the key in the door… see?”
I must have looked like a madwoman in my panic. My hands shook, my gaze followed his every move. He stepped closer, and I automatically took a step back. He stopped immediately. History with Jack kept lingering on my mind with my emotions raw from being hurt by Kristoff’s words. I shouldn’t have come back with him, I put myself in a vulnerable position.
“I won’t hurt you, Gemma,” he was handling me like a wild scared animal, and he was right. All the memories I worked so hard to bury, surfaced. “I won’t come closer. I’ll go sit down at my desk… ok?”
I watched his movements carefully, and indeed he went to sit down in his regular spot behind the desk. I looked back at the door and saw that true to his word Kristoff left the key in the door. I placed my hand on my chest to ease the pain. My heart was beating hard and fast making it hard to breath. I push my hand through my hair, my nausea coming back, queasy feeling getting worse by the second. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on my breathing.
“What is it?” I heard shuffling and I opened my eyes to see Kristoff approaching me. I bolted for his personal bathroom, barely making it to the toilet as the rest of the contents of my stomach left my body.
Kristoff was right behind me, keeping the hair out of my face. “We should take you to see the doctor,” he stated concerned as he was rubbing my back.
“No,” I mumbled. “It’s just my anemia. I’ll call my doctor when I get home.”
Now that my stomach was completely empty, I tentatively stood up.
“I’m better,” I rasped. Kristoff handed me another handkerchief and I wiped my mouth with it.
I leaned against the shower door and closed my eyes.
“Gemma,” Kristoff’s voice was gentle, his fingers lightly moved my hair off my forehead. I didn’t open my eyes and I didn’t remind him not to touch me. I should, but I didn’t.
“You don’t happen to have an unused toothbrush?” I mumbled. “I must smell like puke.”
“You smell wonderful,” he answered gently. “Like spring rain and lilies,” I opened my eyes to glance at him and his gaze was locked on me. “I’ll get you a new toothbrush.”
He opened a drawer and handed me a toothbrush in a package along with toothpaste.
“Will you be ok?” he asked before he exited the bathroom. I just nodded. Truthfully, I already felt better with an empty stomach. I brushed my teeth and freshened up before going back to his office.
Kristoff was back at his desk, sitting tense but his eyes were full of concern as they watched me. I glanced away from him and debated whether I should just sit down on the couch or stand closer to the exit door. You could never be too careful! How many times had Jack trapped me so he could take out his anger on me?
Good God, these ghosts are going to finish me!
True, Kristoff was being a jackass but my gut was telling me that he wasn’t a violent type. He would never hit me.
You can never be sure,my inner voice warned me.He punched Rick.
“Gemma,” Kristoff's voice startled me out of my thoughts. I realized I was staring at the door the entire time. I glanced at Kristoff still sitting at his desk. He looked like he was forcing himself to remain seated. “Tell me how I can help.”
“With what?” I mumbled confused.
“You looked like you were having a panic attack… I want to respect your wish to keep my distance. Do you want me to unlock and open the door? Would that help?” His voice was concerned and his whole demeanor was tense.Nothing like Jack who was always resorting to aggression, I thought again.
I took a deep breath to calm myself, and another… as I pushed my trembling fingers through my hair in my nervous habit.
“No,” I answered. “No, I’m fine.” I was so sick and tired of turning into this panicked scared woman so easily.
I walked over to his couch and sat down. I looked at him and wished last hour never happened. Why couldn’t it have lasted just a little bit longer?
“Ok, let’s just get this over with please.” I mumbled tiredly. “What do you want to explain?”
I felt tired and emotionally drained out.
“Gemma,” he started and his voice was soft. “I am so sorry for upsetting you.”
His eyes were locked on me and sorrow was written all over his face. I didn’t trust my voice so I just nodded.