Page 37 of Adoration: Isn't What It Seems (Love Isn't What It Seems 2)

Brandon squeezed my hand hard, surprising me with his strength. It was almost painful, but I took it.

The coffins were lowered and I brushed the tears away with my other hand, my fingers visibly trembling. I was desperately trying to keep it together. For Brandon’s sake. We cried a lot over the last two days, he cuddled up next to me at night and we whispered about Mom and Dad being in heaven. I could understand how much his little heart hurt right now. I was much older when my mother died, and it was one of the most painful things I experienced. He lost both of his parents, all in one day.

I wished now that I didn’t bring him to the funeral. But I didn’t want to leave him behind, and I wasn’t sure what was the right thing to do.

Layla stood next to us, visibly shaken too. Her face was pale, and her eyes glistening with tears. As soon as the service was over, she turned around and left without a word. I knew she didn’t want to be here. She loved Lena in her own way, but she couldn’t stand funerals.

She went back to Lena and Larry’s barren house to welcome guests with some refreshments. We’d already started moving stuff back to my place, mainly Brandon’s clothes, memories for keepsakes that I wanted to save for Brandon when he grew up, and essentials we would need. Both Layla and I were in somber moods as we went through Lena’s stuff, working hard not to break down. Being surrounded by all their stuff made it seem like they were still with us and it was a painful reminder of the loss.

I noted people slowly starting to leave, and I knew I should take Brandon away from here. I just couldn’t muster the will to move, and neither did he. Every nerve in my body was focused on Brandon and the coffins with pale pink and white peonies enveloping them in a colorful hug. The same exact flowers were on my mom’s coffin. I really started to hate peonies. I used to love them, because Mom loved them. She had them everywhere. Pink ones were her favorite. She would tell me pale pink ones meant to say “I’m sorry,” but to her, they were a symbol of mother’s undying love. After my mom died, just the sight of them would make me sad. And here they were again.

The graveyard seemed empty, silence surrounding us. I wanted to hear their voices again. I wanted to hear their laugh again. I wanted Lena’s scolding, to hear her tell me to get my shit together. My heart was bleeding, each shuddering breath painful. I felt like I was going under and there was nobody to save me this time.

“Livy,” Brandon’s voice startled me. I kneeled down, his hand still in mine.

“Yes?”

I absentmindedly noted it started raining. Little raindrops dripped onto our faces, reflecting the sadness we both felt.

I glanced back at the grave. I stared at the flowers, cradling the coffins wondering where all those flowers came from. There weren’t that many people attending. Larry was an orphan and Lena had been in the UK for as long as I had so we didn’t know many people. God, those flowers made it look all too cheerful. They should be black to reflect the sadness I felt over losing them.

Lena and Larry would remain together forever. They had been inseparable from the night they met; it almost felt appropriate that flowers tied them together in their death too. I just wished it didn’t hurt so bad to say goodbye, knowing I’d never see them again.

“I want to go to your house,” he whispered quietly. “I don’t want to see people.”

I felt the same way. I couldn’t stomach socializing right now.

I hugged Brandon and told him in the low, soft voice, “I want that, too. Want me to carry you?”

He nodded and I picked him up into my arms. Glancing at the coffin one more time, my chest hurt so bad it made it hard to breathe.

I will miss you forever,I thought to myself. She was such a big part of my life. It was hard to comprehend that in a blink of an eye, she was gone. Why did I keep losing people I love?

I didn’t want to leave them behind; it felt too final. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Mom either but Lena helped me through it. Now they were both gone. I had to force one step in front the other, as I walked away from them.

I tried to focus my mind on what to do next. Simple steps, the only way I was going to survive was if I focused on simple steps. Like getting home. We drove with Layla to the cemetery, so I had to take a cab back home. I had to call a cab. I could do that without breaking down, right?

“Liberty,” a familiar voice called out and I raised my head, meeting Callen’s eyes.

“Callen?” I stared at him in shock.

I hadn’t seen him since that day at the church. His face was so familiar, but at the same time, so foreign. I never thought I’d see him again. It was the face that brought me love and sorrow, but right now, I felt nothing for him. The pain of losing Lena and Larry trumped anything I ever felt for Callen.

He still looked the same except a few extra worry wrinkles marking his face. I stopped a few feet away from him, Brandon’s hands clutched around my neck. We stood there watching each other, waiting.

“I’m so sorry, Liberty.” His voice was sorrowful, sadness across his handsome face.

Callen, Larry, Lena, and I spent quite a bit of time together, many double dates. We all got along great till the church incident. And I knew he cared for Lena and Larry.

Brandon never raised his head, resting it in the crook of my neck.

“Thank you.” My voice was barely a whisper.

I wondered how he heard about their death as we stood at the empty cemetery, watching each other as perfect strangers and not former lovers.

“I came as soon as I heard what happened,” he explained.

I nodded and continued walking, and he followed in silence. It was the oddest thing, I wasn’t happy nor sad to see him. I didn’t know what to say to him. We had nothing in common anymore. Maybe we never had. I thought of Lena’s words to me, telling me he was never the one for me.

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