Page 129 of Adoration: Isn't What It Seems (Love Isn't What It Seems 2)

“No, of course not. It was just an expression,” I comforted him. “A bad expression.”

“No worries, Brandon. Livy will go to the doctor and he will make her super better.”

I rolled my eyes but it was settled. I guess I was going to the doctor.

Two days later, I stared at the results Layla’s doctor had sent over. It was my fifth time reading the email, sure there was some mistake. But then, it kind of made sense.

Oh my God! This was the last thing I needed! Shit! Shit! Shit!

“Ready for lunch?” Maxim’s head peeked through the door of my office at Caldwell’s Publishing house.

Nothing was going for me this year. I glanced at my desk, with only a few documents around me. I barely kept any personal items here. The most personal thing I possessed in this office was the pen that Brandon gifted me with my initials. I never got comfortable here. I knew it wasn’t going to work.

“Livy, are you ok?” I raised my eyes and met Maxim’s eyes; eyes that reminded me so much of Alexander. I missed him with each heartbeat and it was a constant ache in my chest. I knew now with absolute certainty that I could never be happy with anyone else.

I shook myself, the plan slowly forming in my head. “Yes, I’m ready for lunch,” I answered with a smile as I stood up and stuffed Brandon’s pen into my purse.

Neither Maxim nor his grandfather mentioned Alexander or what happened, as if we had an unspoken agreement. I wanted to ask about him, but I stopped myself each time. Besides, there was no point. We’d both moved on. Correction, he’d moved on; I wastryingto move on.

This lunch with Maxim and his grandfather had become our daily routine. Sometimes, his father joined in too. Reluctantly, I went along, but it made me miss Alexander even more, made me want him more. I wanted him to take me and love me with all he had. Because I loved him with all I had. Damn it, I wanted it all with him. But fear kept me frozen from reaching out. Or maybe it was my pride. And he hasn’t reached out since that night.

Neither have you, silly. Stop your stubbornness.I wasn’t sure if that was my voice in my head, my mother’s or Lena’s.

My family caused his family so much hurt, I wasn’t sure how we’d ever overcome it. While I was living a happy childhood, he was bearing the brunt of the consequences of our parent’s scandal. His father’s name was forever tainted with the murder my mother committed.

A truck full of peonies passed by and made me think of Mom, Lena, Larry… all the people I’d lost. I didn’t want to lose him too. I wanted to keep him. And I wanted him to keep me too. With each day that passed, I missed him more instead of less. I was supposed to be healing, but instead, I was drowning in despair. How would I ever get over him like this?

“Why are you looking so sad?” Maxim’s voice had me glancing at him. Here I was with all Caldwell men except the one that mattered most wasn’t here. “What are you thinking about, Livy?”

I would have to end this, start anew, make a life that wasn’t so intertwined with the Caldwell family. Seeing them every day was like picking at a wound and making it bleed. I lost them the moment all the past came crashing down.

I wanted them all in my life but not without Alexander. I felt like I couldn’t go on without him, but then I’d remember my mother. She carried on somehow and she had it so much worse, and deserved happiness more than anyone else in our family.

I couldn’t be with the Caldwells day in and day out, especially not now that our circumstances had changed. I glanced at Alexander’s father. He was still a handsome man but tainted by the past he couldn’t leave behind. It was time I stopped dwelling.

I smiled at them with a fake bravado and happiness I didn’t feel. “I’m not sad. I had been meaning to talk to you about something.”

“What’s that?” Maxim had a curious look in his eyes.

“I’ve decided that I can’t work here anymore.” My voice portrayed a lightness I didn’t feel. Three pairs of blue eyes portrayed disbelief, shock, and disappointment. “I just need something new.”

Grandfather didn’t say anything but looked disappointed and it made me feel horrible.

”I’m sorry.” Suddenly I felt like a little girl who’d done something wrong. And Grandfather was looking at me like I should’ve figured out what, but to me, it seemed like I failed. “I’m really sorry,” I muttered low. “I just can’t stay.”

I needed to heal, make a life of my own.

“You can’t leave,” Maxim objected. “Grandfather gifted you fifty percent of this company. Part of your mom’s company is rolled into here. You could walk away from that?”

For my own sanity, I had to walk away from it. These men were a daily reminder of my husband, and what I couldn’t have… Alexander and his family were all I wanted in Brandon’s and my lives, but that would never be. It was all or nothing for me at this point. Alexander and I had too many ghosts from the past haunting our relationship and it was time I stopped dwelling on that past. I had to start moving forward without him, especially after the latest developments.

My eyes burned with unshed tears just thinking about him and the family I wished we could be. My hand went to my chest, rubbing the dull pain there which I was getting used to.

“Maxim, that was before all the revelations. It is not my company. I never accepted the gift. Truthfully, as weird as this sounds, my mom’s publishing company belongs with Caldwell's.”

“And you? Where do you belong?” Of course, it would be Grandfather to ask that.

I want to belong to Alexander and be part of this family,my heart and mind screamed but I ignored both.

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