Page 100 of Adoration: Isn't What It Seems (Love Isn't What It Seems 2)

As we finished our meals, silence followed, both of us wrapped in our own thoughts.

“Thank you for having lunch with me,” he broke the silence. “I am happy Alexander found you.” I felt like there were so many unsaid words there, but there was no doubt he was sincere. As we watched each other in silence, both of us slightly wary, he asked, “Could I ask you a favor?”

I nodded, wondering what he could possibly ask.

“Could I ask you to keep our meeting today our little secret?”

I looked at him in surprise and nodded.

“I like hearing about you,” he admitted. “I never dreamt I’d have another chance.”

“Another chance?” I asked, not understanding.

He remained quiet for several seconds and then answered. “It feels like another chance having met you, and your resemblance to someone that meant a lot to me.”

If that wasn’t bizarre, I didn’t know what was. But for some odd reason, I felt sorry for him.

Chapter Forty-Three

Liberty

Again that night, I didn’t see Alexander and I started to wonder if he was avoiding me.

“Stop it,” I mumbled to myself as I was drying off my hair after the shower. It didn’t really matter one way or another, if he was indeed avoiding me. Brandon was already tucked in and I felt exhausted after last night’s activities with Alexander. I still wanted to talk to him, but how could I talk to him if I never saw him except when I was sleeping. And then, I was always getting distracted by his body.

I was falling too hard for him and into this routine. It was scaring me. I needed a plan and resolution before everything we were doing got out of hand. We needed to be on the same page on the expectations for this marriage. If we would remain married, how would that work? Lena and Larry’s marriage wasn’t exactly like this. It was the only comparison I had for a real marriage.

I should have called Alexander and asked him to be home. We needed to talk; this limbo situation was killing me. He could go from cold to hot in the blink of an eye, and that confused me. It was hard to read those signals.

I pulled on a silky nightgown, watching myself in the mirror.

One day a man will consume your heart, body, and soul, Livy.Why did my mother’s words haunt me? Why did they scare me? They never resonated with me as much as in the past month.

I walked away from the mirror and crawled into bed. Placing my head onto the soft pillow, I thought about my mom. She was beautiful, inside and out. I always wondered why she remained alone, never going on dates, even avoiding a simple dinner with men that were in any way interested in her. She would tell me she loved once and she couldn’t love again. Her heart stayed behind and that she only had room for me. And when Lena came about, she would tell us she only had room for two of us.

Laying in Alexander’s bed, surrounded by all his luxury, I stared at the ceiling, enveloped in darkness and the past. I had an amazing childhood, full of love and laughter thanks to my mom. Lena made our little family even better. We spent fall and spring throttling through the woods and summers swimming in the nearby lake. Winters we climbed and sled through the hills and mountains, screeching loud hoping to cause an avalanche. We realized, after we made complete idiots out of ourselves in the town, we never got nearly enough snow to cause an avalanche. But we sure made a lot of memories. Sometimes Mom would join us, laughing as we picked snow ball fights or splashed in the lake.

I thought back to Lena when she first came to live with us. I tried to think back how old she was when she came to us. Maybe seven or so. She was heartbroken when her parents died in the accident, leaving her an orphan.

Mom immediately jumped in, offering that she’d care for Lena. The judge knew my mom and awarded her guardianship rather than risk Lena being dragged through the foster system. She was standoffish, worried that Mom or I wouldn’t like her, and wouldn’t keep her, but she slowly realized when Mom committed, she committed for life. She committed all the way. So why wasn’t she committed to my dad, the man she loved? Where was the man she loved? She couldn’t have left him, which probably meant he left her. Maybe he broke her heart.

“Why won’t you just tell me who my dad is?” I was so mad she would keep such a big secret from me.

“Livy,” my mom’s voice was soft and sad. “It doesn’t matter who he is. Who your father is doesn’t define you. You alone get to decide who you are or will be.”

“Then why is it such a big deal revealing his name?”

We never had any disagreements for as long as I could remember, till I asked the unforgivable question.

“C’mon,” Lena tried to calm me down. “Let’s not get too worked up over it.”

I ignored Lena and challenged my mom. “I’m an adult now, there should be no reason why I can’t have his name. You won’t even tell me who my grandparents are. Why?”

“It’s for your own good, Livy,” my mom was begging, her shaking hand pushed a strand of unruly hair out of her face...we had such similar mannerisms. “Please, trust me.”

More she withheld it from me, the more agitated I grew. “Lena knows who her parents are. Everyone knows who their parents are except for me. You know how shitty that makes me feel? Every time I have to fill out an application, I don’t even have a name to list for a father.”

“Please, baby,” she pleaded with tears in her eyes. “I wanted to spare you.”

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