Page 4 of Devotion: Isn't What It Seems (Love Isn't What It Seems 1)

“Do you want to have our hair and nails done together tomorrow?” Elise asked eagerly. “We could take a few hours and pamper ourselves. Like before.”

“No, not really,” I muttered under my breath.

“C’mon,” She could be persistent when she wanted to be. “I’ll make the appointment for the day after tomorrow then. You look like you could use a haircut.”

“I’m ready to go,” I stood up and headed for the door. I hoped she’d just stay behind but I knew there was no chance. She was right behind me as I exited the door.

We walked in silence all the way back to my apartment and were back right as cleaning ladies were leaving. They nodded to Elise as I walked past them straight into my fresh and clean apartment and into my bedroom. I stripped down into my underwear and bra, getting ready to get into the bed and under the covers when my sister’s voice stopped me.

“We agreed we’d unpack some,” she scolded me.

“No,” I glanced at her over my shoulder. “I never agreed.”

“Eve,” she pleaded, her eyes glistened with tears. I hated seeing her cry. I could never bear to see her upset.

I felt defeated so I just sat on the bed. She sat next to me and hugged me as I buried my face into her neck, feeling like a little girl again who ran to her big sister because she fell off her bike and hurt her knee.

We sat like that for a few minutes, me listening to her sniffling and her cradling me like a child. I couldn’t cry anymore; maybe there was a limit on how many tears you could shed in a lifetime.

“We’ll get through this,” she mumbled into my hair, her voice shaky. “Together.”

What is there to say to that?

“Can we please unpack some of this stuff?” she asked, tears and sadness still in her voice.

“Ok,” I reluctantly agreed.

She stood up quickly as if worried I’d change my mind and pulled me off the bed. Quickly she dug up a pair of yoga pants and a loose shirt and handed them to me.

A few hours turned into eight hours of unpacking and putting everything away. Elise chatted for most of the time we were unpacking and it occurred to me that it was the first time we’ve been alone in almost seven months. Before then, we talked almost every day and hung out every week.

It was way past midnight when we were completely done. The apartment actually looked like home instead of an empty box storage, but it didn’t feel like one. I wasn’t sure if any place would ever feel like home again. She glanced around satisfied with a smile on her face. I couldn’t muster satisfaction or happiness… absolutely no emotion about anything. Just regrets.

“I’m going to bed now,” I muttered to her and asked, “Are you leaving now?”

“It’s kind of late,” she smiled. “Is it ok if I stay here?”

I nodded and walked into my bedroom craving the little relief sleep sometimes brought on, when I didn’t have dreams.

Before I crawled into the bed, I walked over to the windowsill and glanced out over the river and lights of the city. I heard Edinburgh was beautiful in the summer, that Scotland was beautiful. I wouldn’t know, although now staring out the window, the city seemed to glow under the full moon.

It was as if I was seeing it for the first time. Maybe I was? Because I don’t remember looking out this window since I moved into this apartment.

As I continued staring out of the window, this place felt foreign, so did everything I saw.

That was good. That was the whole point of leaving the States.

Forcing my thoughts back to my sister, I decided I’d just have to make her believe I was okay. The sooner I did, the sooner she'd leave.

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