Page 103 of Alexei (Belles & Mobsters 4)

“Focus on my breathing,” I whispered. I inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled. Then I did it again. And again. Just like he did it with me in the club. Except it wasn’t working.

I frantically searched my mind through any and all information I knew about this man. What could have possibly triggered this?

Alexei’s breathing became erratic, causing a storm in my own chest.

Fuck it!

I straddled his lap, taking his face between my hands. I leaned closer, keeping our faces only inches apart. But I was careful not to bring us too close. I wasn’t about to violate his rule of no kissing.

“Hey, hey,” I muttered softly. “I know, this place sucks. One star accommodations,” I joked softly. “And this is probably like the worst time to say this. But I think you are hot. Like super insanely hot.” Something flickered in his eyes. Surprise, maybe? I wasn’t sure, but it was better than those ghosts so I continued. “To tell you the truth, it is unnerving. You stare through me like I'm a piece of glass, and I get all hot and bothered.”

I eyed him for any signs. He was focused on me, but his breathing was still erratic. I eyed his lips. There was nothing more I wanted to do than to lean closer to him and close our distance by brushing my lips across his.

He didn’t move, but his breathing eased ever so slightly. Good progress!

“You know, you are not even my type,” I continued in a soft voice. “Every man I dated or hooked up with,” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t you dare tell my brothers this. They are convinced I’m still a virgin. I’m pretty sure they think I’ll die a virgin.” I kept rumbling in a soft voice, my eyes keen on him. I didn’t want to distress him and talking seemed to help. “Anyhow, back to the main point. Every man I have dated was more of an Orlando Bloom type of guy. Not inLord of the Rings. Good God, that was way too blonde for me. Dark hair, dark eyes was my usual go-to. Maybe I wanted them to be boring like me with my dark hair.” I lightly brushed my fingers across his incredibly blonde strands. He and his brothers were the only specimens on this planet that I had ever seen with such pale colored eyes and blond hair.

He remained still, unmoving but almost as if he was hanging on to my every word.

“I like your hair though,” I murmured. “Your eyes too. And those tattoos.” I brushed my thumb over the one on his right cheek. The skin felt rough there. Was all his ink hiding scars? I lightly brushed my left hand over his cheek and found the inked skin under the left eyes rough and scabbed too.

Scars, I realized with a punch to my gut. He was hiding his scars.

Anger that rushed through my veins at the thoughts of someone hurting this strong man was sudden and violent. I was unprepared for it. It was the kind of anger that made you act rash and commit murder without any evidence of guilt. I wanted to be a judge and jury.

I opened my mouth to ask him about it but stopped myself. This was neither time nor place. He was having an episode, and I’d be damned if I’d add to his pain.

This is about him, I reminded myself.

“Those tattoos are pretty badass, you know.” I leaned over and pressed a kiss over his tattoo under his left eye. The skin felt even rougher under the sensitive skin of my lips. “Come to think of it, I never dated a guy with a single tattoo.”

I wasn’t sure why my voice choked and my heart thundered. I was just trying to distract him from his panic, yet my heart raced like my life depended on it.

My mouth skimmed down his face and stopped at the corner of his mouth. Suddenly, I wanted to kiss him like my life depended on it. But I knew I couldn’t do that. He set that rule back in that sex club.No kissing.

He didn’t even do face-to-face fucking. It would be taking advantage of his vulnerable state to kiss him the way I wanted to. I went to pull away when his hand squeezed my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh almost painfully.

“Talk.” His voice was hoarse. Maybe even slightly shaky.

“So bossy,” I murmured softly. “Okay, then.” I locked eyes with him. “Let’s see. I have four brothers, Byron, Winston, Royce, and Kingston. Born in that order. I was the last one. I love them all very much, though they drive me crazy, but I can’t live without them. It was the reason I picked a college at home. Kingston, he-” My heart gave a pang, just like it always did when I talked about my brother. I was used to it by now. Years of constant pain and guilt over it, but I couldn’t shake it off. I didn’t want to shake it off. Not until I found out what happened to my brother. “When I was five, right after Thanksgiving, I decided I wanted a hippopotamus for Christmas. We lived in D.C. at that time.” Shit, why did it still hurt? “My brothers said I couldn’t have a hippopotamus for Christmas, but we could go to the zoo so I could see one.”

I brushed my fingers through Alexei’s hair. “Kingston's hair was so dark. He, Royce, and I look most alike. Byron and Winston are probably better looking.”

“You’re the best looking one,” he rasped, a sweat drop rolling down his temple.

I smiled. “It might be the first compliment I have gotten from you outside the crazy exhibitionist sex we’ve had,” I teased, though foolishly my chest fluttered with feelings.

“Finish the story.”

I blinked but then remembered I was telling him about the zoo. I bit my lip, the memories in my mind like whips slicing the old wounds wide open. “Nanny took me, and Kingston came along.” I inhaled deeply, then exhaled. “Byron was always protective of all of us, but Kingston was the one that always took my side. Even when I was being a brat. He was five years older than me, so he was the closest to me in age. ” I swallowed hard, knowing what’s coming and the words felt like rust in my mouth. “Sometimes I wonder if maybe he overheard something, because he was adamant I didn’t leave his side. So I promised. Even pinky promised that I wouldn’t run around. But I was so excited.” My fingers trembled as I continued running my fingers through his hair. Stroking his strands soothed me. “I couldn’t sit still back then. And I just couldn’t wait to see the damn hippopotamus. So while Nanny and Kingston were distracted, I snuck to the exhibit.”

The burn in my throat choked as I thought about the next words. The pain in my chest squeezed, making it difficult to breathe. But I continued my story.

“It was just a few minutes, five or ten at most. And it changed everything. Kingston came looking for me and a guy snatched him. I escaped; Kingston didn’t. My father-” My lungs closed up, I couldn’t breathe, but I pushed through it. This man needed this. Maybe I did too. “I learned later that my father made deals with criminals and often brought trouble to our door. It made me despise him. But I despised myself more because if I had listened… if I’d only listened, we’d have all gone home together.”

My face felt wet and I tasted salt on my tongue, but I ignored it all. My throat burned, but I ignored that too.

A heavy sigh slipped through my lips, pushing some oxygen through.

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