Page 103 of Bitter Sweet Heart

My heart rate calms slightly once I’m out of the athletic facility’s parking lot, though I don’t feel great about leaving Maverick behind—and with his family, no less. I’m on edge as I turn onto Hackett Street, looking for Gabriel’s black BMW. He’d been quiet all semester, ever since the holidays—too quiet. Going through our lawyers, playing by the rules I set . . . That isn’t like him. He’s always liked setting the parameters of our relationship.

The street is empty of cars, though. I’m nervous as I pull in, terrified that Gabriel is going to be waiting for me. But there’s no one lurking in the shadows, at least not that I can see.

As soon as I walk in the door, I call Sophia, and she comes down right away. I fill her in on what happened after the hockey game and how it seems Gabriel has been watching me somehow, even if he hasn’t come around.

“This is not good,” I conclude, wringing my hands. “I have no idea how many people witnessed that. What the hell was Gabriel thinking?” I clasp my hands, resisting the urge to bite my nails.

Sophia shakes her head. “I don’t know, but now might be a good time to consider that order of protection. Gabriel was quiet for a while, but he’s really been escalating since you filed for divorce.”

I think back to the beginning of the end of our marriage, when his control started to slip, and his behavior became erratic. “I thought him showing up at my parents’ over the holidays was bad, but this is something else. What if he reports me to the school? What will I do?”

“Take a breath, Clover.” She reaches over and squeezes my hand. “You were very careful. You followed all the rules, and based on the official protocol, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Logically yes, but you and I both know that my colleagues—ourcolleagues—won’t see it that way. The double standard in this profession is ridiculous. No one even bats an eyelash when one of the men professors ends up marrying the PhD candidate he mentored. This won’t be viewed the same way. I might not want to be a professor in the long-term, but it could still have a very negative impact on my future career.”

“You’re assuming the worst is going to happen. Do you really think Gabriel would report you to the school? And wouldn’t he need tangible proof?”

“It was stupid to go to Maverick’s game. What the hell was I thinking?”

“He asked you to come support him, so you did. Lots of faculty attend school sporting events. I doubt you were the only one there tonight.”

“That might be true, but how many of those faculty members are sleeping with one of the players?” I run a hand down my face. “That was such a bad call, Sophia. I should’ve known better.”

She sighs. “You can’t go backwards, though, so we need to make a plan for how you’re going to deal with this. Regular classes are almost finished, and then we’re into exams. What’s the worst that can happen? I’m asking sincerely—in your mind, what’s the worst-case scenario? What are you most afraid of?”

I stop and consider that. “It’s so complicated.”

“Okay. Unpack that for me. Tell me what makes it complicated. Are you truly concerned about what our peers will think?”

“I don’t want people to think I’m taking advantage of one of my former students, or that I would abuse my power like that.” I press my fingers to my temple, the truth of it finally settling in. “Oh my God, Soph. What if I’m exactly like Gabriel?”

Her eyes widen. “Why would you think that? Where’s the connection? How do you make the leap from going to see your boyfriend play hockey to being a manipulating control freak who intentionally removed all your support systems and now refuses to sign divorce papers?”

One of the best things about Sophia is her ability to make me vocalize my thought process. It’s why she’s so good at what she does.

“I pursued my student, just like Gabriel pursued me.” My chest tightens at the thought. “Am I repeating history?”

“Let’s back up for a second. As soon as Maverick became your student, you did exactly what you should have to protect yourself and him. You passed his assignments over to your TA to avoid a conflict of interest. And you didn’t pursue Maverick; he pursued you.”

“But I kept letting him into my life.” I close my eyes a moment. “Okay, okay. Think about how this looks from the outside, though. My ex-husband shows up at a school sporting event to what? Confront me publicly? Did he come into the arena? How long was he watching me?”

At the end of the game, I’d been stopped by a few students who wanted to chat. My plan hadnotbeen to stick around so long that the team came out.

I hadn’t noticed Gabriel until I was at my car, and he stepped out of the shadows. He seemed ready to snap, not in control the way he usually presents. He told me he knew what was going on, and then Maverick had come outside with his parents, and Gabriel had homed in on him, instead.

I finger the tiny origami charm at my throat. “Has he been following me this entire time? Or is this another one of his tactics to gaslight me?”

“This is why I think it might be time to consider the order of protection. He knows he’s supposed to go through the lawyers.”

“But then I’ll have to admit I’m involved with a student. Is he purposely backing me into a corner so I have to out myself? Or is this some convoluted way to try to get me to stop seeing Maverick?” I can’t get any of these answers if I don’t talk to Gabriel, but I also don’t want to give him the satisfaction of caving, which again, is what he wants.

Sophia echoes my thoughts. “Based on what I know about him, I don’t think you’re too far off base. This was clearly a ploy to get a reaction out of you. I don’t like that this seems to be his new strategy.”

“I’ll talk to my lawyer in the morning and find out the procedure for an order of protection.” It’s not an answer, but it’s something. “This is such a mess, Soph. I can’t even begin to consider how difficult this is going to be for Maverick or what his parents must think. How could I ever face them after this?”

That’s a pointless question since I don’t even know where Maverick and I stand. Whatever we are is supposed to end when he signs a contract.

Sophia shifts to look at me carefully. “The bigger question is, do youwantto face them?”

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