Page 4 of Zeus's Sinner

I press a hand to her wrist, "Nonsense, go on. You shouldn't have to babysit me. I'll be just fine here on my own."

"Thank you sister. It's the only festival I truly enjoy." Sister Ruth says, and turns to go back toward her own quarters. I'm happy that I was able to bring her joy in this time, but I'm even more upset with myself that after five years of being in this lifestyle that I still don't trust myself enough to spend any lengthy time away from the safety of my convent. Maybe Mother Superior is right. Maybe I'm not cut out to be anything more than a whore.

I fold my hands in front of my body and walk slowly alone toward my room. The cobblestone floors still bite at the soles of my feet, but it's a hardship that I'm going to have to learn how to endure. It keeps me present.

The candles flicker against the wood walls and the fire's crackling in every room gave a soundtrack of a spooky haunted house.

The convent that we are at is one of the oldest in the United States. And it's one of the more secluded. Krusentstern Island or Yesterday Island as most of the locals call it is located right in the middle of the Bering Strait and is only a few miles from the border of Russia.

Of course, we could get supplies if we needed, but it's much easier to be without than it would be to try and brave the frigid weather either going inland would require or the hostility going over the border would bring.

I'd never been here on my own before, with a convent of twelve sisters and the mother superior there is usually someone else around. Now that Sister Ruth is going up to the festival on the main Alaskan land, I'm going to be left here on my own. A kernel of fear bubbles up into my gut at the thought of it. What if something happens while everyone is away. No one would be able to get to me, at least not for a long while.

Father Joseph spends most of his time over on the main land, and we're not due for any supplies until the end of the month.

After the short walk over to my room, I drop right down to my knees in front of my altar to our lord, and I begin my prayers. I'm pretty sure the only reason my brain is concocting these fears is because I want to go out with the other sisters. The temptation is strong, even if It's been years since I've even been in the presence of someone who would even think of taking me up on my deviant needs.

I just need to remain strong.

As the lord's prayer flies through my mind, sick fantasies of a man or men breaking into the convent while I'm here alone and having their way with me takes over, and I find myself having to recite the prayer out loud to bring my focus back away from those intense thoughts.

Why am I like this? If the lord wanted me to do his will, why did he make this so hard?

I've given up everything I have to follow this path but no matter how hard I try it seems like something inside of me just refuses to give up on living a life closer to what my sister and mother are living. It's almost torturous.

Still I'd take the torture over like what I witnessed from my mother when I was growing up. Mother Superior and the rest of the sisters here may not understand why I'm trying so hard to be in this life, but I refuse to just give up. I'll pray for guidance until my knees are bloody from the pressure.

2

Zeus

An opaque puffof white air comes out of my mouth as I hustle my way off the small death trap of a plane. My feet are already frozen solid, and I haven't even been on the island for more than ten minutes.

Fucking Alaska, what the hell is there up here for me to do? In that case, what is up here for anyone to do.

To say I'm fucking surprised that I'm even in this situation is an understatement. I was so sure that I was doing everything that I needed to be a good Bratok for Marko and the rest of the Juric family. Only to be told that I'm nothing more than a liability. No one in that family could pull the shit off that I can. It's infuriating. I shoulder my bag and make my way to the first business establishment I see. A bar.

That's exactly what I need right now, a fucking drink. I need to drown these thoughts of failure.

Sure, I usually spend all of my time in places that are ripe with tourists and sunlight, but a few days in Alaska to prove to Sven and Marko that I'm not due for the gallows just yet is something I can deal with.

Pushing my way through the heavy door, I look around the bar, and it's just as depressing as it looks from the outside. A bunch of men with the stench of both the sea and four days worth of beer seeping out of their pores, and a few women who look like they are either grieving or fresh on the prowl now that their husbands are no longer in the vicinity.

"Oh, new fish. You definitely don't live around here." One woman slides off a bar stool, and she walks over to my direction. Instantly, I break into a smile. A drink and a good fuck, that's what I want.

"No, I'm not. You going to show me around?" I say, trying to be as seductive as I can while my teeth chatters from the cold.

"Baby, the only place I want to show you around is my bedroom." The woman replies, and at that instant I hear Marko's voice in my head.

You're sloppy and incompetent.

Nothing like a fresh dose of insults to get my libido under control.

"Actually, I think may need to settle in before I take you up on such a tempting offer." I give her a wink before I make my way over to the bar and order a double shot of vodka.

Everyone in the bar looks as if they are molded to their seats. Waiting on what I don't know. Even the barkeep moves slowly as if they are all on their own time, and none of that includes waiting on me.

After my shot, I pull out my phone and find the address of my Airbnb and the car rental place. It's not far from here, but it's far enough away from the town that hopefully no one will see anything suspicious.

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