Page 17 of Zeus's Sinner

"Let me guess, a vodka man?"

"You got that right."

I play with the cross at my chest and continue to ask him more questions, "What do you mean you're an extortionist? Is that what you were trying to do with Father Joseph?"

"Yes. Actually, we'd been extorting him for quite a while. The people I work for doing a lot of transferring materials on the Bering Strait and usually, it's not a problem, but there are sometimes we need to offload some place different from our normal location. We either offload here or at the church directly. Our things are either picked up that same day or the day after, and we make sure we make a sizable donation to the church for the use.

"Sizable donation?" My mind goes back to the conversation I had with Mother Superior a few days prior. She claimed that we didn't have any money.

"Yeah, we might have used Father Joseph's past as a way for us to get access to here, but we wouldn't put that kind of risk on you all without some sort of payment. That's not how the Juric Family rolls." He tells me and takes another sip.

I thought I heard something about the Juric family on the news radio recently, but I wasn't quite sure. Something about a French congressman?

"What about you? Why did you become a sister? Obviously, you're good at it, but part of me doesn't truly believe that you want to be here." He says, taking another sip of the drink. This time, when he puts the glass down, I pick it up and take a sip of my own.

The liquid burns down my throat and I revel in the feeling. Just another way for me to feel good. Another way for me to give in to the vices that are threatening to get a strangle hold on me, just like my mother and sister.

"It's not that I want to be here, I don't have a choice." I admit to him.

He tilts his head, and now it's his turn to look at me with furrowed confused eyes, "What do you mean you don't have a choice."

"I became a sister, walked this lonely and sacrificial path because I was born a sinner."

10

Zeus

"... I was born a sinner."

Her words echo in my mind for a second before I realize that people of her faith think that everyone is born a sinner and that's why we need to be baptized.

"So you have a baptism. Pray, but why does that mean you have to go to this extreme?" I ask her, taking another sip of the cheap whiskey she's brought out for me and her to share.

"No, not just a random sinner. Someone who takes the lord's name in vain or curses their parents. I mean, I'm a sinner to my core. It runs in my family. My mother and sister are whores, and drug abusers. They will swindle, lie and cheat simply because it makes them feel good. They don't care about who they hurt in the process, all they want is to chase that high. I would look at them as a child and hate it. I'd hate the way they'd manipulate and use other people. I'd hate the way my mother would run through stepfathers like she changed her underwear, making sure to bleed them dry financially first before she cut them loose. My sister and her would run schemes together, and always it was because it made them feel good.

I didn't want to be that way, but as I got older, in my teenage years, I found myself drawn to things that made me feel good for no other reason than just that. I looked for alcohol and drugs. Started watching porn even though I had no experience with the subject. And it was like my ability to manipulate tripled when I figured out how useful a set of double d breasts could be even in an all-girl school. Every day I was falling deeper and deeper into that dark hole and I hated it. I was going to be just like my mother and sister.

When I turned seventeen and the nuns came to visit my boarding school, it looked like my way out. I was already catholic and knew that I wouldn't be able to fight my nature on my own. This order promised me serenity and solitude. They promised me discipline and forgiveness. Everything I knew I needed if I wanted to be on a different road than the people in my family." She lets out a sigh and I let her breath for a second before I start in with my questions because I have a million or two of them.

"You wanting to feel good is a part of human nature, you realize that, right?" I ask her.

"Of course I do, but there's a fine line. A line my sister and mother don't know exist." She scoffs.

"You're already not like your mother and sister, and I don't even know them. I'm sure they know that what they do hurts others, but they continue to do it. They don't care the effect that they have on people, you do. If I'm honest, it sounds like you're rejecting a gift that was given to you by the same God you're trying to serve. If he gave you the calling to be happy, then why are you trying to force it away because of what someone else does. Does your being here somehow atone for what they've done? Has it stopped them?"

Her mouth opens and closes a few times, but she doesn't respond until she gives me this.

"It's complicated, you wouldn't understand."

"You're right, I don't understand. It sounds to me like you have an addictive personality. You just have to find the right things to be addicted to. Some people find drugs and sex. Others find the gym. Some find food. You seem to have found the church. One isn't better than the other." I tell her, and her face gets redder.

"How dare you compare my sacrifice to what my mother and sister do? It's not the same!" She finally gets angry with me.

"No? You don't think so. You being avowed to the lord is no different from your mother being avowed to making herself feel good. The only real difference is at least she's being honest with herself, whereas you are lying through your teeth if you try to get anyone to believe that this is your true calling."

"I'm not lying." She stands stock still, glaring down at me, her little hands shaking with anger.

"Aren't you, though? Would a woman completely faithful to her calling as a sister want me, a heathen of a man, to grab hold of her right now?"

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