Page 88 of Comfort Me, Daddy

I shook my head. “This isn’t about you. It’s about Walker not trusting you. He needs you to have his back in a delicate, fucked up situation, and you definitely… have not put up those numbers. You constantly make the exact jokes he’s waiting for everyone to start making. You are the leader of the thing that’s going to kill him before it even happens.”

“Dude, I’m not gonna say shit,” Ellis said, like he was stunned we were still talking about this. “This is not a joking situation anymore, I get it. I know how to keep a secret. Jesus Christ, do I ever. I’m not saying shit, and anybody who does, I’ll take out for you, free of charge. Come on, Walk. You’re my team, you’re myfamily. All week long I’ve been trying to help you. I even asked The Beast for advice. Which sucked, by the way,” he added, looking at me, and I wasn’t so sure about that. “You want Howser out there, you want fucking Logan to catch for you, go for it. Here’s all I want. I want us to win, whether I’m on the field or not. And I want you not to fall apart and fuck up your life over your dumb shit fucking parents or something you’re afraid Imightdo. All you gotta do is say loud and clear what you want, and I got your back. You can trust me. That ten percent of me that’s decent, it’s loyal too. Let’s just get back to work.”

Walker looked over at me and all I could do was shrug and nod. Ellis was full of shit, no question, but there was no lie.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

If any of their mess was actually fixableon or off the field, who the hell knew, but when I left them, they were lying on the grass swapping the rest of the blunt and talking Ollie stats, which seemed like a step in the right direction. Of course it was probably mostly the weed, but it was better than a punch in the face. Whatever referee gig I’d pulled seemed to have closed out, so I booked it.

I was cold and tired and sick of not being pressed up against Caleb in bed, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought maybe I’d for real press up against him and see where that got me. Seemed like a nice way to wake him up, and I was a nice-ass guy, apparently, playing peacemaker in the middle of the night when I should have been home asleep.

When my phone buzzed in my pocket, I almost didn’t check it, I was so sure it had to be my mom. My cold air, warm heart vibe was just a little too good, my mood high when there was no reason for it to be, and when had that ever worked out well for me. But it was Caleb.

Where are you?

Simple enough question, but I wished I was better at reading tone in a text. I really hoped I hadn’t woken him up.

Shark stuff. Headed back now.

I picked up the pace, even though I was almost there, crossing my arms and trying to rub them warm. I really wanted to be back in his bed and his blanket and his arms pronto.

I definitely did not expect to see him sitting on the couch waiting for me when I opened the door, looking, well, I was having trouble reading that too, but he didn’t seem especially happy. Guilt flipped around in my stomach.

“Shit. Did I wake you up?” I asked him, closing the door quietly behind me.

“Did you wake me up?” It seemed like he wanted to laugh, but he didn’t actually look amused. “No, you didn’t wake me up. I woke up and you weren’t here. You can’t just leave in the middle of the night and not say anything, Logan.”

I stared at him a minute, a bunch of wires crossing until one of them finally plugged in. Because up until now, I absolutelycoulddo that,shoulddo that, did and had to do that sometimes, and no one had ever noticed or cared. It hadn’t occurred to me for one second that it might not be a cool thing to do when you lived with someone who actually gave a shit where you were at two in the morning. Or whatever time it was.

“Oh. Sorry. Are you mad?” I asked him, legit not sure if he was or not.

“I…” It seemed like maybe he wasn’t sure either. “I wasworried.”

“About what?”

“Aboutyou.I didn’t know where you were. I woke up and you weregone. I didn’t know if something happened, if you were okay…”

“What, you thought I was kidnapped or something?”

“Now is not the time to be a smart ass,” he said, frowning. “I was worried. What if you woke up in the dark and I was gone? Just gone. And you had no idea where I was or if I was coming back?”

“Oh,” I said again, and I felt like a fucking idiot when he said it like that. And also— not proud of it, but here it was— wanted. Special.Missed. My grotesque need for attention was so fucking demented that I liked that my boyfriend was afraid I’d disappeared. Fucking normal.

But then I felt bad, crashing hard, guilt on top of guilt. “I didn’t think about it like that,” I told him honestly. “I was just trying to be quiet. I only went to the school with Walker and Ellis. To the field. I wasn’t gone that long. I didn’t think you’d wake up. I didn’t… I just don’t ever clear my plans with anybody. I just do what I do.”

He shook his head and sighed, running his hands through his hair, and fuck, how had I ever thought it was hot to stress him out, he looked so miserable. He was also radiating Daddy vibes that I couldn’t un-feel, so what was I supposed to do with that?

“You are like this bizarre blend of someone who grew up way too fast and someone who didn’t grow up at all,” he said, lacing his fingers together as he looked up at me. “Sometimes I’m not sure which part of you I’m dealing with.”

I wasn’t sure what to say except that I was right there with him. Sometimes I felt like I knew way too much, had lived way too hard, was so jaded I was made of stone. And sometimes I didn’t know shit about anything and felt like I’d never lived at all.

I just shrugged, still trying to read him, and he got up off the couch and came over to me, grabbing me by the biceps and rubbing my arms, flattening my goosebumps, and shit did those huge hands feel good on me. Warm and possessive and rough and a little frustrated, maybe a little angry— just enough to get me going.

“You need to let me know where you are when you go out,” he told me. “And you do not need to be going out in the middle of the night, especially not on a school night. And youabsolutelydo not go out in a tshirt when it’s cold outside. You’re freezing.”

His voice was low and rumbly, sank me down into a fuzzy headspace I liked, and I looked up at him, opening my eyes and licking my lips.

“I'm not in trouble, am I, Daddy?” I tried for sweet and innocent, and as usual, I just didn’t have that game, it came out filthy instead.

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