Page 74 of Caught A Vibe

Being in the same space together all the time gives us a familiarity and banality that often keeps our conversations perfunctory and mundane. We discuss the Zoom schedules and meal planning instead of philosophical positions on dessert as a meal or favorite Tom Hanks movies.

This step out of time into the outside world opens up familiar patterns of date-night conversations that feel really good. Normal. Real.

I am so gone for this woman. The more we talk and share thoughts and memories, the closer we knit our shared experience. I want this woman’s future history to be inseparable from mine.

Notably, we don’t talk about work, neither my insecurities nor her struggles. An unspoken truce is called. No more pushing the hard buttons tonight. And it is lovely to spend a fun evening with a beautiful woman I care for. The Hollywood sign towers on the hillside above the glowing Los Angeles sprawl, weaving its magic, and for a few minutes I forget that we are living in a world I no longer recognize.

Penny is quiet on the way back to the car, and I resign myself to a somber drive home. But when we get back on the freeway, she breaks the silence.

“Thank you for tonight, Dash.”

“No problem.”

“No, don’t dismiss what you did. When things fell apart, you stepped in and fixed it. That’s special. You’re special.”

It wasn’t that special. “I did what anyone would do.”

“No, Dash. Not everyone would. My parents never did. I was on my own to figure things out a lot.”

I can’t help but compare her parents’ neglect to my parents’ constant disappointment. Which is worse? Does it matter, if we both still bear the scars? Gratitude for the adults in my life who did support me blooms as I realize just how lonely the alternative could have been. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ve put it behind me. After years of trying to earn the love and care that should have been free, I gave up and walked out.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have had to reach that point, and I’m sorry you did.”

“Well, it sucked when I was eight and broke my wrist biking. I didn’t get it set for a week because no one believed me when I said how bad it hurt. But learning to take care of things by myself from an early age has made me the CEO I am today.”

“Just because you learned to be good at something through trauma doesn’t mean you should have to keep doing it once the trauma is removed.”

“Really, it’s fine. This way the things I want to do get done. In my friend group in college, we never hung out until I made plans. I’ve never had a partner who would plan something like this without asking me to handle part or all of it. Even my friends and coworkers now text me constantly for guidance on what to do. But the flip of that is I often get what I want. Which is why it’s doubly frustrating when I don’t through no fault of my own.”

Something has been off since this afternoon.Let me in, Penny.“Did something happen at work today?”

“Oh, you know, just had to tell my entire staff that we’d be working from home indefinitely, so that I can break the lease on our office building and save the rent to pay for our warehouse and shipping woes. And I’m just praying our direct shipping targets can weather the bad reviews.”

Yep, that’s a shitty afternoon all right. Maybe I can help her find some bright sides. It worked before.

“Is everyone still gainfully employed?” I ask.

“Yes.” She picks at her cuticle and doesn’t look at me.

“Are you still sending out product and taking direct orders?”

“As best I can.” She shrugs as if this isn’t a major win.

“Then you have failed no one, certainly not yourself.”

“I just hate looking at what I’ve built and seeing only mistakes and disappointments. Honestly, at the end of every day, I feel like I’m failing.” She watches the lights of LA flash past and I give her the same courtesy she gave me earlier of keeping my eyes on the road while I deliver some tough love.

“Well, quit looking at it through the expectations you had a year ago and look at the reality of what you managed during a global health crisis. You built an amazing prototype that will bring joy to thousands, and built a company around that mission that is flexible and fierce. So what if you don’t look like the vision you had in your head yet? Don’t you dare call my girlfriend a failure.”

“So I’m your girlfriend now?” She finally looks at me, a teary-eyed smile on her face.

“When you say it all singsong like that it sounds ridiculous, but yeah. Girlfriend, lover, partner, friend, all that and more. But most importantly, you’re mine.”

“I like the sound of that.”

Chapter21

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