Page 53 of Caught A Vibe

“Hey, I said your name three times and you didn’t blink. Where’d you go?”

“Got stuck in mentalMario Kart. It’s like getting on the highway in a bumper car. Each new ricochet sends me further off track, and I end up spinning against the guardrails going sixty miles an hour. It can be hard to pull out of it.”

I scrub my hands over my face and really look at her. Bright as sunshine and warm as summer, in her sundress with her short blonde curls teasing her face, I am struck again by the unanswerable question: What the hell could she want with me?

“I was asking if that coffee was for me,” she says.

My panic flares for a moment, thinking I’ve said that last bit out loud. “You…you said you needed caffeine.” I try to calm my racing thoughts, but my mind is stuck in overdrive.

“I did. Thank you.” She reaches past me for the cream.

“The sugar is already in there.”

“So thoughtful.” She sits down at the kitchen table and fiddles with her steaming mug before drinking.

I mirror her sip without tasting my coffee at all. Is this Covid or has this conversation simply subsumed my other senses? It would not be the first time.

“So…let’s talk. I agree that last night was amazing, if kind of a fast one-eighty. But in my mind we’ve been building toward that for weeks.” She pauses and sips her coffee again, while I try to analyze the spaces between her words and fail miserably.

But I have to say something… “I was completely caught off guard, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want it to happen,” I clarify, staring at my coffee because looking her in the eye right now feels too exposed. “I just… You have to know… I will believe what you explicitly say over your actions every time. I can’t read between the lines at all.”

“Got it. I will try and be as clear as possible.”

I haul in a breath and gather my courage to ask the question that will allow me to hush the others. “Do you really want me to move in with you? Like officially?”

“I do. You’ve been so wonderful, helping me recover.”

God, more of this gratitude! I don’t want her to let me stay out of obligation. I want her to want me in her life. Period. I cut her off, before she can go any farther down the path that will crush my soul. I slump in my chair, all of my strength draining with disappointment. “I don’t need to move in because you’re grateful.”

“You said you need my words. Let me get them out.” She waits until I nod before continuing. “I’ve gotten to see a lot of you the last few weeks. The way you think, the way you love, the way you care. And I like what I see. I’d like to see if this relationship can keep growing, and the only way I can guarantee that I’ll get to see you during this lockdown is if we are living together. Do you…want to be in a relationship with me?” This time she’s the one who can’t meet my eye when I snap to attention at her question.

I reach across the table and put my hand over hers where she picks at her watchband. “Absolutely, I do. And I want to give it the best chance possible. Can we talk chores and responsibilities?”

I offer, but let’s be real—now that she’s said she wants me to stay, I will agree to anything she wants to keep that true. Besides, this is her place. I don’t want to throw off her groove while I’m here. She’s clearly got things running smoothly, or she did before she got sick and had some dude crash uninvited on her couch.

I don’t want to disillusion her, but my ADHD and tidiness don’t really go together well. If I put something away, I tend to forget it exists. So when I’m working on a project or a game, things stay spread out so I can find what I need. And given how many projects go unfinished, it leads to a lot of project piles around my space. One way I combat this is by keeping my life and possessions fairly minimal and by restricting projects to my own space. I don’t have that option here. But if Penny needs me to be neater, I’ll do my best to give her that. I’ll just have to hustle to stay on top of things. I lean back in my chair to better focus.

“As for chores, I say we both just pitch in and do what needs doing. If you see it needs doing, do it.”

“That sounds fair.” I like that she’s willing to keep things open and flexible. I rummage for my notebook and a pen and begin to take notes. If I don’t write the details down, I’ll never remember. “So what is your list of chores that you normally do to take care of your apartment?”

Penny begins rattling off tasks and I dutifully write them down as best I can, but at the end of two full handwritten pages, I hold up my hand to stop her, my brain stumbling over the rapid-fire panic this list is generating.

“You doallof those things? Every week?”

“Yes. It soothes me to have a neat and tidy space.”

I drop my head into my hands, elbows propped on my knees and groan. “We’re doomed!”

She laughs. We’ll see how long she thinks it’s funny.

“Switch off cooking?” she asks.

I chuckle at that one. “Mine might be takeout more often than not. You’ve pretty much experienced the breadth of my cooking knowledge.”

“Maybe we could pick some new recipes to learn together?”

“I’d like that.” I smile at the image of us in the kitchen together. “Rent, fifty-fifty?”

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