Page 61 of Let Me Love You (Excess All Areas 5)

Chaya let out a gasp of breath. “Ben.”

“Wish I could see your face properly.” Need dripped in every word.

The orgasm washed through her, cleansing everything away. Leaving her raw and open. Her body shook as Ben claimed her lips, his fingers easing their pace before he slid them from her.

“Can’t wait to see what you taste like,” Ben said, sliding his fingers into his mouth. The moan said he liked it.

“Want to know what you taste like on my fingers?” He pressed his fingers to her lips and slid them inside.

“Don’t,” she hissed as she gripped his wrist.

Ben moved his hand immediately.

In fact, he moved bodily away and flipped the covers from over the two of them.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It was… Look, can we just go back and—”

“Breathe, babe. And tell me what I did wrong. Can I hold you or would that make it worse?”

Chaya let out a breath. “Please.”

He scooped her close.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “It’s just. It’s blowback. From then. He put his hand in my mouth and now…”

“Now, it’s a trigger?”

“Yeah. I never know when to raise it with someone I sleep with. I just…” Her body finally eased as Ben stroked the pulse racing at the side of her neck.

Ben held her softly. “Does what happened to you affect the way you view this? Sex? Relationships?”

“No. It’s just my mouth.”

Chaya looked up at him, wishing she could sweep her overreaction away. “We’ve talked about this before. Maybe we should just get some sleep.”

“We have talked abouthim, but never specifics or in the context of sex lives. If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. I’m certainly not going to force you. It’s just that, I don’t want to hurt you. Or scare you. I want you to know we can talk about sex. What triggers. What we like. What we don’t. What we need. I’d fucking hate for anything I do to pile on the trauma you already went through.”

Chaya placed a kiss on his chest. “The fact you care is enough. I think the truth is, it broke lots of parts of me.”

“Tell me, babe. I want to be here for you. I want to help.”

She sighed and rolled onto her back to face the ceiling of the airplane. “I didn’t realise I was in trouble until way past the point I should have realised how much trouble I was in. He…well, I don’t like saying his name. Makes me ill. But, he said he’d been sent to pick me up, and given he’d been my neighbour my entire life and my parents knew him, I didn’t doubt him. It was pouring down. The books in my canvas tote were getting soaked. The idea of his car was amazing. Making the decision to get in the car broke the part of me that felt I could make good decisions for myself. I second-guess myself a thousand times a day, everywhere and in everything, except when I step onto a ward. It’s part of why I capitulated that my parents know what’s best, why I still listen to them about things in my life that they really shouldn’t have any say in. It’s like he broke my ability to know what is best for me.”

“Chay.” Ben lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers.

“I didn’t even realise I was in trouble, even when we were in the warehouse. He explained it calmly. Said he had something to pick up on the way home.”

Silence fell between them as he held her hand tightly. “He sexually assaulted me but stopped short of rape. The worst part was…” Chaya sat up and took a deep breath.

Ben rubbed circles on her back.

“He’d put his fingers into my mouth,” she continued. “Not one. Not even in some weird-arsed way to be seductive. He’d just shove four fingers until my mouth would split at the side, and he’d grip beneath my jaw with his thumb. It was all about power. Controlling me.”

“Come here,” Ben said, pulling her down to his chest. He wrapped her in his arms and held her tightly while she shook. “You don’t need to tell me anymore, Chay. I’m sorry I asked. I didn’t mean to make it so—”

“No. It’s good you asked. Yesterday, you asked me what my favourite colour was, even though you knew it, remember?”

He brushed her hair back from her forehead so he could see her properly. “I do.”

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