Page 14 of Let Me Love You (Excess All Areas 5)

“Ben, I’m—”

“Are you ready, Chaya?” Asher said, pushing the double doors open, and Chaya jumped back from Ben’s reach, sweeping her hand beneath her eye before she turned. “Mum just said Safta’s getting tired, and they want to cut the cake in the next half hour or so.”

She’d never felt so torn, to be in two different places for two very different men. Even down to the small things. How Asher refused to shorten her name or use a pet name, as a sign of respect, which she loved. And yet, she melted when Ben called herChayorbabe.

“You should go,” Ben said quietly. “Asher was right. Your place is with his family now. Not ours.”

The words cut through her like a dermatome blade during a skin graft. “He said that?” she whispered.

Ben smiled sadly. “He’s right. And it was your choice.”

And with a shrug, he turned and walked in the direction Nan had been taken.

Ben stepped around the corner and leaned his back against the wall, taking a slow and steady breath.

“Fuck me, I’m an idiot,” he muttered. Rubbing his hands over his face, he wondered if he could have said anything less true. Anything more hurtful.

Chaya was sunshine and oxygen in human form. For five glorious minutes, he’d felt anchored back in his rightful place.

But seeing her with Asher in person, versus seeing versions of them on social media, was an agony he couldn’t explain. Hearing how their families were together, welcoming Asher, to celebrate a Jewish holiday he understood at a basic level, ripped him to pieces.

Perhaps she’d deserved everything he’d said for abandoning him as she had.

For choosing another family, instead of his own.

And he felt even more like a shit thinking about it while his Nan fought for her life.

Her fucking life.

Ben slid down the wall, ignoring the strange looks from passers-by.

He needed a goddamn minute.

A minute to wonder how the fuck it had all gotten so screwed up. How on earth could he rein himself back in? To pull himself together. To be the strong one instead of this mess of a guy on the floor.

Breakdown to breakthrough.

He repeated it again.

Breakdown to breakthrough.

He slowed his breathing, relaxed his shoulders. Shoved all the things flying around in his brain back into tightly sealed boxes so he could think of just one goddamn thing at a time.

Nan.

Being there for his mum.

Figure out his fucking life so he could stop being a disappointment.

That was it.

Okay, so three things, but none of them were Chaya.

“Are you okay, love?” A pair of thick-soled shoes appeared next to him. As he looked up, he could see the caring face of a nurse, older than his mum, not far away from retirement.

“Apart from being a total wreck, I’m good.”

“You’ve got some of the young nurses in a tizzy. I hear you play guitar for some famous band.”

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