Page 104 of Let Me Love You (Excess All Areas 5)

When she arrived at Ben’s garage, her heart felt lighter. She’d been dreading seeing Asher and his family again. But she needed to think about what Rachel had said. The difference between listening to her brain and her heart.

The roller shutter doors were open, and Ben had Zoe’s car up on the ramps while he stood in the pit beneath it. She’d know those curls anywhere.

“Iced coffee?”

Ben peered out from beneath the car. He had a streak of grease down the side of his face and a smile that told her coming to visit was the right call.

“Aren’t you concerned that one of the guys might drive by and spot you?” she asked.

Ben wiped his hands on a rag as he walked toward her, then threw it onto the hood of the car he was going to fix up for her. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take, seeing it’s really warm in here.” He cupped her cheeks and kissed her. Softly, at first, but with quickly sparking heat. “Mmm. You could really tempt a guy to shut the doors.”

“Here,” she said, placing his coffee in his hand. “I’m tired and need caffeine.”

“Let me take you home, we could drink these in bed.”

“I want my Beetle fixed.”

Ben glanced over at her car and laughed. “Okay, taskmaster, but only because you’ve worked a long shift and I’m behind on Zoe’s car.”

He took her hand and led her over to a large tool bench where an assortment of new tools was neatly organised. “You’ve made so much progress in getting this place up and running.”

“I knew having money allowed you to buy shit. But what I never realised was how much easier it is to actually make things happen when you aren’t trying to shop around for the best deal. I don’t need to save for it or debate for hours whether I can afford it. I don’t even need to do a cost analysis of how many times I’ll use something. I can just get it here by tomorrow.”

Chaya looked around as he sipped his coffee. “You should get some help.”

Ben grinned. “I don’t want to run a business. This is just a hobby. I’m enjoying having Shawn around, even though he can be an annoying little shit with all his natural potential.”

She leaned forward and kissed him. “You are so sweet.”

He kissed her back. “Youare the one who always tastes sweet. I’m happy to see you and iced coffee any time, but did you need something specific?”

Chaya shook her head and leaned back against the tool bench. “Nope. I just wanted to see you. It was pointed out to me today that I only make intellectual decisions and not emotional ones.”

Ben raised an eyebrow, a slight smirk on his lips. “Is that so?”

She playfully slapped his stomach.

“Oof. Just kidding. Who told you that?”

She cupped his cheeks, rough with scruff he seemed to grow when the band wasn’t on tour. “I saw Asher and his parents.”

Ben perched his butt on the bench. “You did? How did it go?”

“Asher and his dad pretty much ignored me, but his mum, Rachel, said something to me that really made me think about things. She told me this Hebrew saying which means, let all that you do be done in love. And it made me think of both my faith and you. She asked me if I’d made the right call, and I knew without even thinking that the answer was yes. Because simply seeing Asher reinforced what I knew. Intellectually, Asher ticked every box I should want, but emotionally, I couldn’t love him because he wasn’t you. I told her you were the person I’m supposed to be with. That I loved you with every bit of my heart.”

Ben smiled as he ran his finger along her jaw, then kissed her sweetly. “Same, babe. How did Rachel take that?”

“She told me to go with blessings and be happy and I wondered, at first, why she was being so nice to me. But she said it wasTeshuvah. There’s a cycle to repentance. Regret for doing the thing. A confession of doing the thing. Then, promising to live a life where you don’t do the thing again. She said I’d completed it, in her eyes, and forgave me. It made me realise my parents have the option to forgive me and are choosing not to. And I need to make peace with that and move on with everything else.”

“You’re both right.”

A sudden realisation made her feel a little dizzy, her legs a little shaky. “I just realised that I learned a really long time ago to shut emotional decisions down. When I was abducted, I made shit decisions. I just didn’t want to be rained on anymore. I wanted to get home to watch my favourite show. And I think, over time, I’ve overruled any emotional response to things so I don’t end up in that mess again.”

Ben tugged her until she stood in front of him.“We talked about something like this before, how it made you doubt yourself, right?”

“Yeah, but I hadn’t realised that super-analytical way of rationalising things kept me from seeing so much sooner that this is where I was meant to be. Here. With you. If I made the right decision every time, it would never happen again. Which became, if I make the right decision, I will be safe. I’m sorry it took me this long to realise it, Ben. Thank you, for being patient with me. For knowing me better than I know myself.”

“That’s how we’ve always rolled.”

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