Page 25 of Let Me Love You (Excess All Areas 5)

Ben placed the back of his cool fingers on her forehead. “I bet. A lot went on in that head of yours over the last few days. Physically and mentally.”

“Creaming… Wooden spoon… Butter and sugar together. Keeps cakes moist.”

“I had a feeling it would be a baking analogy that would shake you out of this.”

Nan shook her head, just a fraction of an inch to the left and right. “No, lad. I heard you.” Her voice was raspy and raw. “Fear of living your own life. Not indecision.” She blew out a breath and winced again.

“Nan. This can wait. Just relax. Everyone is thrilled you’re awake and are on their way here to see you.”

She squeezed his hand. “It can’t.” Her voice garnered a little more strength. “Don’t waste your life. Be selfish. Live a life…you’ll be proud of, lad. Because if I’d died, I’d be damn proud of mine.”

Chaya woke up in Asher's bed on Sunday morning, relieved to find she was alone. The scent of toast told her he was in the kitchen. But before she could get out of bed, he entered the room with a tray.

“Breakfast in bed because you’ve been working so hard, lately.” Asher placed the tray over her lap once she’d scootched up the bed. It was her favourite breakfast. Smashed avocado and an egg poached to perfection on sourdough. It was accompanied by a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and a latte.

“Thank you,” she said, reaching for the glass. Her mouth tasted like something had died in it.

Be fucking happy, Chaya.

The words pierced her brain.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

Like Ben had.

“I’m going to hit the gym. From there, I’m going to meet my brother to try on our suits, then watch the game and be back about six. Want to go to the cinema or go for a walk or something? Or we could cook ourselves a nice dinner. Take our time, bottle of red.”

Chaya forced herself to smile. “Dinner sounds good.” Because when it was just the two of them, she could see how good itcouldbe. They’d talk about work, cook something fun, and go work out together.

“Sounds good. Enjoy your breakfast.”

When he left the room, Chaya flopped her head back against the pillow. Willow’s words came back to her. Mentally, everything Ben and Willow had said to her made sense. She could compartmentalise it all in her brain. Asher was a great man. He cared about her. He was insecure in their relationship, and guilt seeped into her gut at how she gaslighted Asher by telling him he had nothing to worry about. Because in a world where she left Ben behind, he didn’t.

But she couldn’t. And hadn’t.

How had she become a woman who gaslighted? Or was she just convincing herself that because what existed between her and Ben wasn’t physical, it somehow didn’t count?

“It’s emotional cheating and you know it,” she said, suddenly feeling ill at the smell of her eggs and toast.

She reached for her phone and checked her messages. There was always a small element of dread that she’d missed something important during Shabbat.

I packed up your things. They’re in the hallway. Feel free to swing by and get them sometime this week. B

Emotion overrode every ounce of logic.

He always signed his nameBx.

No kisses, this time.

Even though every person in England signed off texts with them.

There was no pithy comment, no bone-rattlingly funny jokes. Just…the end of everything in twenty words.

Fine.

Maybe he was right. If he could draw a line beneath them, she could. Dialling the one person guaranteed to help clear her muddled thoughts, she called her mum.

“Chaya, sweetheart. I was just thinking about you. Is everything okay?”

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