Page 38 of Love You Like That (Excess All Areas 4)

Zoe held both hands in front of her. “Stop.”

“I’m serious. You have this time to ease into it and find your feet.”

“You have no idea, Cerys. Stop pretending like you do. You chose to go off your plan. I didn’t choose.”

“You are choosing.” Cerys’s signing became impassioned. “You are choosing to not play. And if I had half the talent you did, I wouldn’t make the choice you are.”

“You don’t understand my choices, Cerys. This is all I’ve ever wanted to do. And I am terrified if I continue, there will come a time when someone says to me I’m just not good enough. It’s like being in a relationship you know is going to go nowhere. You might as well break it off now and deal with the hurt rather than give it any more time and get more invested.”

“You don’t know it will go that way.”

“Yes, because there are thousands of successful musicians who are deaf.”

“But I have faith you can do it. You’re so stubborn when you set your heart on something. I just don’t get why you have set your heart on not doing it, rather than doing it.”

“Get off my back. I need a friend right now. Not a conscience or moral guide or whatever role you think you are playing. I am not your responsibility. My career is not your responsibility.”

Tears came to Cerys’s eyes. They matched the ones burning in her own.

Jase said something as he bounded onto the stage, looking concerned. She couldn’t catch it. He slipped his arm around Cerys who stood gaping at her.

“That’s not what I was doing.” Cerys switched to SimCom, signing and speaking so Jase could understand. “I suggested to Zoe that she use your instruments if she wanted to play.”

Zoe refused to include Jase in something between the two of them and continued to only sign. “It was what you were doing. And you need to let it go because I love you. And if you can’t be my friend without constantly wanting me to play music, then maybe I should leave the tour.”

“Come on,” Jase said. “Of course, you can use the instruments. None of the band would mind.” He said it concisely, with kind eyes, but of course he’d see Cerys’s side.

“This is between me and Cerys, Jase,” she said. “And until you have the full story, I suggest you butt out of shit that has nothing to do with you.”

Jase pulled Cerys closer, which annoyed her because while she was mad at the pair of them, she was also jealous that when she left in precisely ten seconds, Jase would console Cerys, and she’d be on her own.

“Go easy, Zoe,” Jase said.

The words that appeared to be softly spoken irritated her. “Why? I wasn’t the one trying to manage someone else’s life and experience.”

“It’s because she cares.”

“I’m pretty sure Cerys can explain her own reasons.”

Jase frowned. “How about you give her—?”

Alex arrived and stepped in front of her, mirroring Jase’s posture. He said something Zoe couldn’t hear, before stepping back to squeeze her hand then sign. “E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g o-k-a-y?”

Zoe shook her head. “W-e f-o-u-g-h-t.”

“N-e-e-d a m-i-n-u-t-e?” he asked.

Zoe looked at Cerys who looked as shocked at their argument as she felt and nodded.

Alex led her off the stage, through a long hallway to a dressing room that had a small bathroom in the corner. The decor was simple. Two mirrors, two desks, and two black plastic chairs. Instead of sitting down, she kicked one of them, sending it skidding along the floor until it hit the old radiator with a clang.

Alex simply leaned back and propped his foot against the wall as he crossed his arms.

“Shit,” she said with an exasperated sigh.

“Smash it all up,” Alex said, when she looked at him. “Throw the chair at the mirror. Break the lights. Fuck, even fight me. I won’t hurt you, but I’ll fight back enough so you can get it all out.”

For a moment, she could see it unfurling, could feel all the anger and tension inside her finally finding its way out. But physically fighting wasn’t what normal people did. Except, she hadn’t got the first clue about what she should do.

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