A thought suddenly struck him. “Is it because I’m pansexual?”
Zoe shook her head firmly. “Absolutely not. You are the kindest, most fun person I ever met. And you happen to be hot and exceptional in bed.”
Alex breathed a sigh of relief and ran his finger down the vee of her pyjama. “I just need this connection we have. I want to deepen it. I need amazing sex, I want to share that with you. I need someone to laugh with, and you are so fucking good for my heart it hurts. I feared trying again.”
Zoe’s eyes scanned his face. “And now?”
“I really want this, with you. Do you?”
“More than anything.”
With her breathing returned to normal and colour back in her cheeks, he loosened the ties behind her.
“It should feel wrong to be tied up,” she said
“Says who? And does it?”
She shook her head. “I feel calmer.”
“Good. So, you had this momentary panic. What happened next?”
“I saw the marimba. And when I’ve been confused or sad or angry…I’ve played. I think it was just habit to reach for the mallets. All these memories came up. Of playing.” Zoe bit down on her lip. “It’s the final piece of getting on with my life. I need to decide if it’s music.”
“So, let’s figure it out together.”
Her hand wrapped over his waist, and he shivered as she dragged her fingers along his skin. Let her touch. She owned him. But he’d need to work a little harder to make sure she felt secure with him.
Sex wouldn’t prove they were compatible. He had to win over her mind.
“We’ll speak to Ed. I think Sunderland is up in the next few days. We’ll drop you home, yeah?”
“I can get the train.”
“I know you can, but I want to drop you. And you are going to let me look out for you, yeah?”
Zoe smiled. “Okay. Take me home.”
Yeah, fucking heart drop.
Zoe. Home.
Two words becoming utterly entangled.
The ice around his heart thawed a little as he cupped the back of her neck, rubbing his thumb along her pulse.
“I’m scared,” she said, looking up at him. Those eyes of hers, filled with honesty.
“I think that’s a perfectly natural reaction.”
She sighed. “I’m not talking about whether I can play better than the average person, because I absolutely know I’m still good after playing last night. But what if I suck enough. Like, what if I can’t learn new music. What if—”
“Stop. The outcome is what it is. Play or you don’t. Be great or not. But don’t you dare doubt yourself.” He kissed her cheek, then forehead, then lips. “You’re always enough, Zoe. Try going back to uni, and if it works, amazing. If it doesn’t, you come back to the tour, yeah?”
“Why didn’t we have sex last night?”
Alex cupped her cheek. “Because you’d played, and I thought there was likely too much going on in that head of yours. Had I known you were doubting us, I would have followed my initial instinct to fuck you over my damn marimba.”
Zoe placed her arms on his chest and looked up at him. “You said you’d tried to find someone, what did you mean?”